Frank is sent to convey a message to Mikey
It's my fault for forcing myself on him in the hotel though...
But Frank knows, he KNOWS that no matter what, we just won't be allowed to be together. It all hurts so much. Why? Did he want to hurt me somehow? Could that be it?
I could smell alcohol on his breath as he stood above me.
"Frank, what're you doing?" I grumbled unhappily.
"No, what were you doin'?" He put his hands on his hips, smiling like he did at Gerard though a leer pierced the air.
"W-What do you mean?" He heard me...Fapping..... I was about ready to die!
"Awhh, you didn't have to make it more interesting Mikey." Frank wavered a second and swallowed. He heard me...Fapping..... I was about ready to die! "We knew you liked it." he giggled, then turned serious and crawled onto my bed. I shouldn't let him do that, but Frank was drunk anyway.
He crawled up to me, wide-eyed, kneeling beside me.
"What is it Gerard loves so much about ya?" He was close enough for his hands to pull down my duvet and touch my shoulders. Frank's skin was nice on mine, humid and sticky. It was all I couldn't have. He knew it, he knew it...
I half wanted to push him off, but how could I? I was so embarassed!
"What?!" I pushed my head into my pillow squemishly.
"Gerard wanted you to come! Why does he love you so bad?!"
"What do you mean?! Come to where?!" I tried to sound innocent, though sweat pricked my brow.
Frank lurched forward suddenly, so close that his breath was on my neck as he crawled over to ask further questions. If Gerard came in, he'd kick me into next century!
"Gerard told me to fetch you, and I mean it, he's baked."
"So are you!" I accused, my hands shaking where they lay on either side of me. "But why'd he want me to come into your room?"
"He said... He wanted to play with you."
To this I was speechless. 'Play'? I pretended not to think of it as dirty as it sounded.
"Play, Frank? What did Gerard actaully say?"
Frank paused, chewing his lip, formulating a quote.
"'Get Mike so we can have even more fun.'"
"Tell him I'm not coming then, I don't want to... To have your 'fun'." Not if they're drunk and whatever else. It was so unreal, so unexpected fro Gerard to ask for that. A far from innocent request. I was not going to be fucked with by 2 drunken maniacs. Lovealbe they may be, it was so wrong to accept.
"Good. That would be crappy then." Frank pouted, "3 people fun is stupid anyway. And besides,
you'd never do that!" Frank fell face first onto the matress all of a sudden, his mouth by my ear. His dunken logic and line of throught was even worse than Gerard's. Completely forgetting his annoyance that Gerard wanted me to 'join in' (I'm assuming that what Gerard requested) and simply conluding that I was too tame. I tried not to take any of it to heart, seeing as they were clearly pissed to high heaven but it was too weird, being offered something like that. Not that I'd accept becuase of the awkwardness that'd ensue.
Gerard can't control our friendship completely. Frank and I should be allowed to see each other more! Even if it only means more pain, those precious happy moments would still ahve existed!
I sighed. If only Gerard would let me get closer with Frank... Not as boyfriends, hell no! As friends..... Even better, if I could trust Frank not to use it all against me.
But when has Gerard understood a normal love, one that isn't obsessive, over anyone?
Never, that's when! As much as I love him, I know it's near impossible to have a decent, untainted love back ,as much as it hurts to admit.
"Mikey." Frank sounded hoarse and throaty, "You're amazing but you are too vulnerable."
He was very still and tense as he lay there. I stopped stroking his thick hair and wanted to stare him in the face. This was supicious. I was vulnerable? Since when?
We both heard Gerard's calls from his room and Frank promptly got up as if he'd said nothing.
"'kay Gee. Mikey's asleep." Frank tiptoed away, despite having almost yelled in reply to Gerard only a wall of 2 inches away.
I wanted two things, each unachieveable if I wanted the other.
Sort of like wanting to be vegan, but still eat meat. Bad explanation, I know.
I still want Gerard to love me.
I still want get closer to Frank in some way.
When Frank was in my room, it was as if he wanted something of me that I was forbidden to give.
'He's with Gerard!' rang through my head constantly. Not just wasking about Gerard and telling him that Gerard wanted to see me, but there was something about him that I couldn't trust.
All this time, meeting in private, seeing me instead of Gerard; was Frank tying to win me over in any way? the way he spoke, telling me I'm vulneralbe - does he want to use me?
It was definately working, because I was repeatedly tempted to try some more things with Frank. As wrong as it would make everything, Frank presented himself well to me various times.
I should hate him though, hate him for doing things like that to Gerard but when he's 'cheating' by doing things to me... That's where I contradict myself...
If he tries to be a slut, I'll have to hope I have the willpower to reject him, while remaining friends.
Would he only be a slut if people found out he did slutty things though? As much as I'd hate him for the cheating actions and hate myself, there were some things I knew I wanted that Gerard would never agree to. So in some ways, I had to go for all the chances I'd have. No matter how much I'd hate me and Frank for it...
Of God I think I'm going crazy here...