HE made me feel like dirt, but I can't hate him for that. I am dirt. What else can I accept?
"I don't want to be here." I whispered to him, hugging his arm. I felt like dirt again. I really do like Frank but running to my brother's side after such a... misdeed as it were, made me feel like a little complaining hypocrite. I couldn't trust anyone it seemed, else I'd get to wrapped up, too taken advantage of. What can I do though? Anythign I love is tainted, so do I just pretend it's not all bad and cling to what I have? It seems I must. Forget that I'm a hypocrite and just go with it until I actually know my true feelings about it all.
"Are you two okay?" Shane asked sympathetically. I nodded, eyes blazing as they met his.
"You want to go home?" Gerard suggested to me.
"Yeah." I sighed defeatedly, tightening my grip on his arm.
"Hey guys, we're leaving now." Gerard announced. He left my side to kiss then whisper to Frank. He returned and took my arm.
For so many reasons, it felt my heart was going crazy, waging war within my head.
GERARD: I had no idea what to say. Neither of them seemed hurt but what exactly had even happened?! I was too concerned for them to be too angry at Frank and Mikey.
Mikey sat opposite me in my room. I love them both, but if he really hurt Frank... I'd have no choice but to punish him for such a thing! To lay a finger on him... For Frank to lay a finger on Mikey too... It would be a nightmare, and not for just me.
"As much as I admire you sticking up for me..." I played Mikey's hand in my own, stroking his knuckles, "You know I won't tolerate you two fighting." I stared at his knuckled intently as if the situation was spelled out across them.
"Yes, I know G." Mikey sighed, his hand trembling in mine.
"So, how much....what did you do?" I asked wuietly, unsure if I wanted to know exactly what.
"N-not much. I kicked him and he hit me on the back. That's all... I know it's stupid but he can't go around being so.... Ignorant of what you share! You really need each other."
It was sweet, really, though undenyably wrong in parts.
"You hurt him?" I let go of Mikey's hand fast. I crouched but Mikey just put his hand on my cheek, as if petting me like an animal. I wanted to pounce, to strike, but Mikey had domesticated me by that one touch.
"Please understand GeeBear. We both love you the most anyone can love. It must be a consolation that we fell out briefly over you." His hand curled around and cupped my chin. He smiled sincerely, a naughty curl to his lips. I was being so submissive all of a sudden.
This made me think of when I had advanced on him. It made me think... Would love be as effective as violence in teaching Mikey a lesson?
Could I, instead of simply attacking him, break Mikey down with an acid-laced, forbidden, kiss? Surely it could hurt more, yet still be deemed humane.
After all, love is one of human's most sophisicated poisons. It can both confuse and allure. And it is just as fun to strike with lips than switchblades. Forcing yourself - utter dominance, unquestionably so. More humane too. And so... How to put it... Delicious?
Though knowing me, I'd simply forget the malice and threat in it all. Or just pass it off as messing with him.
The power over me he had at that moment scared me when I was partly angry with him. When I'm angry, even a little, I'm in control. Not today Mikey, will I be your pet when you've done soemthing I should be screaming at you for.
I was in the perfect position too...
"Mikey, you hurt my Frankie. That's terrible." I muttered in a tone of shock as if it just hit me. I flipped my submissive position entirely. Mikey wasn't to have the power when I should be biting his head off.
Mikey nodded gravely.
"I can't stand for such a thing, Mikes. What will make you understand... All these years I've hit you and yelled... How can I get you to understand these things.... Tell me, little brother, what can bring us together and tear us apart?"
Mikey blinked. He looked bewildered.
"Ummm... I'm not sure." he spoke slowly.
"Well. Instead of a bruise, I can give you something worse."
Mikey cowered and sat there while I rose up threateningly.
I struck, fast and precise, latching my lips to his of the same blood once more. He tried to wrench me off but I clung to him. I saw his eyes go teary, as wide as they were.
I tore off and got up.
"I can do far worse Mikey. Or would you prefer the switch' next time?" I didn't wait for an answer from him. It's sad to say but I should really keep him on his toess more, at least when I get paniced like so it feels like that. God how my opinion can change in a moment...!
MIKEY: School felt like so much more of a chore, especially with such hard-wearing weekends. I was always thinking about Gerard, then Frank, and occasionally Shane. Questions whirled around in my head painfully, constantly. I raffled through Frank's notebook, just wanting to understand him more. Being more close... Still upset about the previous incident but I felt that I couldn't ditch a frien for a misunderstanding, if it was to be classed as that.
I couldn't help but replay that time in the bathrooms. His lips, telling me what to do and our bodies softly nudging. It made me shiver and my stomach churn but I couldn't stop thinking about it becausse it was something I'd never have happen to me before. Not someone that wasn't - You know, Gerard.
I had really wanted Frank once. Nothing else to it but desire and lusty-goodness. Now Gerard had made a point of sexually (not anything to do with sex though) punishing me as opposed to beating me. Though I think his Shane-hate is starting to blow-over...
Anyway, I prefer beating though. It is something I deserve and is less scary. He should only kiss me when he loves me properly, not as cruel punishment! It cut me up to think Gerard would use something so good as a punishment.
And how cruel he can fucking be.....! He knows somehow that I....really, really like him. Bastard.... I love both those bastards! I'm so hopless!
GERARD: Mikey's acting odd. He seemes so far-off. Usually he'd tell me what's going on but he's told me nothing out-of-the-ordinary.
I found him in his room, sitting at the window, rested his head on his folded, slender arms. He had what looked like a notebook on his lap, open. He remained quiet until I mentioned my date with Frank. We went to a restaurant, just the two of us.
"Hmm?" Mikey turned his head sluggishly. I explained how Frank insisted on me and Shane becoming closer. And obviously Frank won me over with a his persuasive personality. He said that he and Mikey should meet up and me and Shane meet up. Mikey shuddered.
"Shane's going to a small gig near here and asked if I wanted to go. How about we all go?" Mikey turned to face the window again.
"Oh, yeah. That sounds fun." I was a little scared by Mikey's weird, quiet mood.
He seemed happy enough at the gig though. It was only $10 and the band was pretty good.
Shane and I had little heat between us too, though it was Frank I focused on.
"Gee! Can you come over tonight?" Frank looked up in my arms. "So we can..." he grinned devilishly.
"We'll see, sugar." I wasn't too keen on getting up late on Friday - early morning driving lesson... I kept Frank otherwise budy by stealing risky kisses and racking up the beer count via Shane's driving license.
"Ger-rard!! Come to mine!" Frank pleaded when Shane stopped at his door.
"Frankie, I can't..." I played ith his fingers thoughtfully, trying to clear my mind of any hot stuff I'd be missing.
"Asshole." I could see the smile Frank had when he said it. He grabbed my hair and pulled me in for a teasing kiss. Oh god, why did it have to be so damn good? It was far longer than an average kiss goodnight. My hands found thier way under his shirt and I ached to have to say goodbye for my stubborn attitude.
"Hey! Stop making out, me and Mikey feel left out." Shane whined like a girl. As usual then.
Frank blew me a kiss and left the car. As we left I saw Frank point at me, then his crotch, then shake his head, mocking anger. I gave him the finger, but with a grin on my face.
I caught Mikey's hand being softly taken by Shane. He wouldn't let go of Mikey it seemed and I groaned, hoping they'd hear. Mikey's too easy.
And Shane is not innocent.