The last thing Mayura wants to do is wake up from her metaphorical Wonderland.
(10 May 2006)
She wakes up one morning with a horrible sense of foreboding.
At first, with her hair in a mess and her mind rather fuzzy, Mayura doesn't understand why. Then her surroundings come slowly into focus. There is her white ceiling and there are her four white walls, plastered all over with posters of aliens and monsters. At the side is a desk and across is a closet, both inhabited by numerous, 'mysterious' trinkets levelheaded people would call junk. Nearly transparent curtains filter the morning light with little effect; she stirs when she realizes that the sun is streaming directly upon her face.
The first thing that half-registers is how normal everything looks and is.
In the morning, there is that one fleeting moment that seems to last for a lifetime: when the dreaming world gives way to reality, and there is that muddled, foggy in-between. For that moment, reality is merely relative, and the rigid laws of the universe are secondary to her imagination. All the wonderfully mysterious things her imagination can think of - and there is quite a number - feel so real in her dreams that she is certain that they must exist.
But these quickly fade away with the night and Mayura is startled to feel those wonderfully mysterious things slip along as well. Her mind tries to grab at them, but they have all the consistency of air.
It is quite the unpleasant surprise to feel them escape her grasp.
It is more so when something else terrifying steals into her consciousness: reality. What is supposed to exist, and what is not.
A lot of what she likes doesn't, and what does, what is left for sure, is too boring.
The overwhelming sense of this normalcy stabs at her, and it scares her.
In that one moment, in her half-asleep, half-awake state, Mayura cannot distinguish between what is real and what is not. The line between memories and memories of dreams are so blurred that, briefly, she questions if the wonderfully mysterious people - Loki-kun, Yamino-kun, Reiya-chan, Narukami-kun, Kazumi-kun, Kaitou-san, Loki-kun - she's met really do exist.
The possibility that they don't, that some months' worth of maybe-not memories are as intangible as last night's dream, frightens her even more.
Then, the moment passes, and Mayura tells herself not to be silly; of course they exist.
Stretching, Mayura gets up and prepares for the day. Already she is looking forward to spending time with Loki-kun, Yamino-kun, and Fenrir-kun after school. As much as she tries to brush it off, though, the fear - that horrible sense of foreboding - doesn't leave her.
She feels like Alice, but doesn't want to be.
Mayura doesn't want to wake up and find her Wonderland gone.
: don't wake me up :
(10 May 2006)