'Why the hell am I doing this? What the hell am I getting into?'
Gerard seems alike me in that he is posessive. Another setback. He's way too attached to Mikey and Frankie. Gerard also seems stressed at times and I know he likes his alcohol. If Gerard was the type to be drinking so crazily, could I use some chemical help to win him over?
I don't often use hard drugs but I do know a few suppliers. I don't usually smoke, snort or inject any stock I take in, I'd prefer to be the most sober when I'm with my friends. But I do use it as bribes or just to overpower others.
Cocaine, heroin and LSD are the main drugs I keep but I really don't have much. Still, if I could play with Frank and Mikey for it, it's worth it!
FRANK: I actually had kissed Shane now. Who next, Ray?! As much as I enjoy experiments, there really are limits. I'm a curious guy! But if I had been sober, that Shane would not have got away with it. Well, I say that but how can I trust myself?!
But I should tell Shane that I really can't get involved with him. Otherwise who knows how many times he might try something on that I might slip up and let him have?!I sent him a message to say I had to meet him soon and 'have a talk' and got a quick response.
Shane sent me his adress and I blinked. Melrose Avenue. That's a walkable distance!
"Don't be too long though Frank, leave bfore 8pm!" he warned. I decided it was time to pick up and leave, bravely setting foot onto the street, having no idea what exactly I wanted to say without breaking up our young friendship. No, it had to be done, he had to know he couldn't keep doing this...
With each step I took towards his lair my insides twisted in knots. I'm going behind Gerard's back. I didn't plan for anything to happen but the fact that Shane is so unpredictable made me think I might've. I was getting a thrill in knowing Shane would overpower me on the spot. I knew I'd slip up. I hoped I wouldn't, but I knew myself by them. Utterly powerless.
Shane lived in a 8 story building on the bottom floors. The hallway was dark and musty, brown plaster peeling off all over the place. The floor tiles were a discoloured, grimy yellow. It wasn't too bad but not a paradise.
I counted my way to appartment 3 and with a near trembling hand, and gingerly knocked on the door. I leaned on the door, waiting to be called in and looked down the dimly lit corridor. It was deathly quiet and deserted.
My leaning frame disappeared and I fell painfully to the floor. My head felt light and felt lighter when I looked up to see Shane standing right above me.
"Hi." I made a small wave before getting up.
"Frank!" Shane took me through to his small lounge. "We need to be quick. Got a friend coming in ten." He warned. I took off my skeleton gloves in the warmth and settled on a couch beside Shane. I sat cross legged looking at him standing before me, unsure of how to say it. unsure of how he felt and unsure of how both of us should.
He was holding a drink but set it down on the coffee table beside my gloves.
"Now, what is it you wanted?" he started, taking a seat beside me, facing me too.
"Well, uh Shane, I kinda..." I started, trying to form words that made any sense.
Shane nodded, examining my hoodie then idly unzipping it.
"To say that I think..." I trailed off, still trying to form words and string them together in something vaguely similar to a sentence.
"You think...?" he prompted, gently tickling my chin with a careless hand, tracing up nad down my throat. I involuntarily leaned in for it. I'm not so used to being treated that way, like a baby or animal. Not in a serious way.
"Is it to do with Gerard? Is he not gentle enough?" I could hear a hint of excitement as well as feel my own. I jolted at the mention of Gerard's name but pushed myself into his welcoming touch, soaking up the kindness.
"No... He..." I enjoyed being petted like this. Weird, right? It's because Gerard does it to me ocassionally, I see him do that a lot to Mikey though. Gerard wil just sit there, Mikey on the floor usually, having his neck tickled away, Gerard's light fingers dragging over his face with a look that lacked any emotion until someone broke the odd silence.
"I'm always here for you. I'll help you. Just say what you want to say, and I'll do anything to help." Shane coaxed, his voice going into that tone that told me he had something up his sleeve.
I licked my lips, failing to say anything that made sense anymore and failing myself in that I wanted to have a proper conversation, not get lost in a fantasy thta quickly formulated in my mind. His hands were like Gerard's too, and closing my eyes only made it seem more intense. But why the hell was I doing this? This was exactly what I told myself not to do, to let him get all over me and get so close.
"Oh Frankie." He giggled, "What do you want?" The hand disappeared and I pulled away to stare at him face to face. "Is it about me? What I do? Do you not enjoy it Frank?" Ah! That was what I had to talk about, my ears pretty much pricked up at this, bringing my attention back to the current situation.
"It's okay, you can just lie down. Then you won't be guilty in any way, will you?"
"You can make it seem like I'm the bad guy you know. There is this thing called lying."
"Shane, what are you on about?!" I pleaded, I didn't like how he seemed to be tapping into my thoughts and telling me what the bad part of me wanted to hear.
"Just play dead and pretent whatever you want." I stared at him, wondering exactly what I was to pretend but knowing what he was really on about. The bastard knew that I was helpless, he knew it, he was abusing it. That's exactly how I fell for it. I stretched back and lay stiffly on my back, tensed up, part of me scared at what Shane had on his mind. In the apartment in such low lights, I felt detached from the rest of the world in such a scary way. Hwe was kinda right, that way, I could just pretend as those disgusting lips began coursing over my skin. Thank fuck it only lasted two minutes before I heard a loud knock on the door or I might've let myself pretend for too long. It honestly scares me how fucking easy I can be.
Shane got up casually as if doing nothing less immoral than picking up some dirty socks. "Tell Gerard I wanna meet him alone, Wednesday. See you later, Frankie." His eyes shone victoriously.
I opened the door to a sweet looking girl about 19 years old. She had blonde hair looked very nervous. Could he be Shane's girlfriend? I wasn't sure.
I darted out and stood outside the door, listening curiously.
"Who was that?" The new girl asked.
"Oh, nobody. Wow! You look so fucking good tonight! Let's go to my room."
I had submitted to Shane again. Now I'll never be able to tell him I can't stand to be like this! We'll just keep doing stuff like that, and I'll let myself believe it's okay.
What's wrong with getting some between getting some? Oh, just EVERYthing! But I can't seem to help myself, I just let things happen! Probably because I can't decide if I hate or like what Shane does... I can never make my mind up!
'Olivia': She lay there. Oblivious to the fact her life would plummet downwards. In a matter or minutes she'd been tricked into months of rape and drug abuse. Just like that!
The next morning, Olivia stumbled onto the street. Shane had told him nothing had happened.
But, this time there was a memory. Shane had underdosed on the Rohypnol; Olivia could recall snippets of that night. Roally fucked seems like and apt description.
Dreadful images flowed through Olivia's head. Consuming every inch of her mind like an irratable acid, burning and white-hot, what made it worse was the doubt caused by Shane's innocent facade.
Olivia wasn't exactly sure. She had fallen for Shane after all and surely he wasn't capable of being so terrifying! Shane didn't do those things, did he? The only thing Olivia thought fit, was to visit Shane again and reassure herself that it was 'just a bad joint' or a little slip up on both of their parts. Olivia was pretty hopefull that he'd find nothing but it had to be done; she had to be able to sleep at night and not be haunted by rancid images.