the Guru on Cold Mountain
And Scoot didst sigh with relief. ‘For a moment I thought Jehovah didst escape his closet.’
‘How cliché!’ quoth Nori. ‘Thou’rt clearly not the fuckin’ God of Originality. Imagineth that, a god appearing to his followers as a burning bush…’
And the Dudes didst mock him.
So it came to pass that Derrick was so embarrassed, he didst vanish from their midst before he couldst embarrass himself further by telling them that the best new name he couldst think of for the Sacrificial Goat of Hondo was Something.
‘I wonder what that was all about…’ quoth Casey.
And after many days of travel, the Dudes didst finally come unto Cold Mountain, and it was enormous.
‘So it is a real place…’ quoth Scoot.
‘Yes, it is a real place,’ quoth Nori, ‘and ’tis really fuckin’ cold!’
And so the Dudes didst climb all the way up Cold Mountain, and there they didst find the great Guru sitting on a rock ledge.
He was levitating whilst he was meditating, and he said unto them, ‘Welcome, Dudes… I sense thou cometh here with an urgent matter…’
‘Aye,’ quoth Scoot, ‘for The Man hath put the God of Zebras in a coma or something by telling him the Question. I thinketh it was more than he couldst handle, or something…’
‘A bad idea it was, telling that to a God of Hondo,’ quoth the great Guru. ‘The Man must be ready to maketh his move. Thou must act quickly to stop him. Go thee to Chinatown. Asketh for the Apothecary; he shall help thee.’
‘Thank ye very much, great Guru,’ quoth Scoot. ‘We shall go at once to find the Apothecary.’
And so the Dudes didst go forth to find Chinatown and seeketh out the Apothecary.