Frank and Mikey talk
anyways, its been a long time coming and ive missed writing. I hope you all remeber how to read.
I threw open my door. Slamming it, turning my key in the lock. I stormed through to my kitchen, heading straight for a fridge and a bottle of vodka. I opened the fridge door, in my annoyance there was nothing even remotely alcoholic in there. I kicked the fridge shut, craving something to ease this hate for myself.
All day I had been replaying the sadness and hatred on Gerards face as he had addressed me earlier. I hated causing so much pain to him, when all I wanted was to be the one to end his pain. Not cause it. I glanced at the medicine cabinet, searching for something, anything. I pulled out half a packet of paracetamol. Not enough to overdose with, not enough to numb with. I did slip them into my pocket, though, thinking they may come in handy.
I fucking hated this, the pain I was causing. I knew I could stop it, but that might make people think I sympathised. Might get me hated. Might make people think I liked him. Might make people twig I did like him. I shuddered at the thought of my secret coming out. What people might say if they found out me, hard man, had a gay crush on the school ‘freak’. I’d be lynched. I didn’t want to cause Gerard pain, but I couldn’t see another way. I always felt bad about hurting Gerard. It made part of me die, but I kinda liked seeing the pain, so he knew what I felt every time I saw him. But this was different. This was him getting something I wanted but couldn’t have. I couldn’t deal with it. It was different when I’d started the rumour about Gerard, with a cat scratch on his arm, having started self-harming. This was… personal. This was what I so desperately wanted/
I banged my head on the doorframe, in complete anguish. I didn’t like this at all, not one bit. I wanted to punish myself for the pain I was causing, but I just didn’t know how. I ran upstairs, feet carrying me as if they had developed a brain of their own. I went to the bathroom, my eyes flitting between a bottle of bleach and a razor. An internal debated waged. Weighing up the pros and cons of each, my last sane cell begging me to stop. I silenced the voice, choosing my poison. My hand reached out, grabbing it. Part of me calm, I knew what I had to do to stop the pain.
Mikey seemed to like Frank, thank God. We were sat in the front room, sipping drinks and hanging out like old friends. Me and Frank were sharing one sofa; Mikey had his long legs stretched out on the other. I excused myself for a second, feeling a pang of hunger.
Gerard left the room, leaving me alone with Frank.
“What you think of him then?” I said, nodding in the direction Gerard had gone.
“He’s” Frank smiled, his eyes sparkling, “amazing. I’ve never met anyone like him”
“Forgive me for asking,” I paused, wondering if I should continue, “It’s been playing on my mind, but who made the first move?”
Frank laughed, “I did. But it wasn’t sinister; I saw an opportunity and took it”
“Oh” I said, slightly crestfallen
“Are you okay with that?” Frank asked, sounding worried.
“Yeah” I inhaled sharply, closing my eyes “I don’t mean to sound awful, but I never thought of Gerard as gay or anything, it’s just shocked me”
I heard Frank laugh quietly “I’m sorry”
“Don’t be” I opened my eyes, studying his face. “It’s a lot to take in”
“Can I ask you a question?” Franks eyes met mine with a weird intensity
“S..ure” My voice wavered, unnerved by his stare.
“If I was a girl, would your reaction be the same?”
“Erm” I racked my mind for an answer “Yes and no”
“Expand” Franks gaze was back
“Well, yes as in I would have been shocked and no as in I wouldn’t be so worried for him”
“Worried?” Frank pressed
“Frank” I paused, looking down Frank’s body “You know what happened at your last school, you and Gerard are going through enough shit without being out. I don’t want my brother to get hurt, he’s my best friend”
“Awww, okay” Frank nodded “I promise to look after him”
“Really?” I was sceptical
“With my life”
opinions? I would love to hear them :)