How does it feel to have your biggest fantasy unfold right before you?
This is exactly what I wanted. It's a rush. It was messy. It hurt a little bit. Eventually, I might regret it. Those thoughts aside, in complete honestly, I am fairly sure no one else has ever had a fantasy unfold in front of them, identical right down to every last detail.
I am glad it worked out that way.
He was perfect. He was beautiful. He was someone I could trust. He was experienced. And I was detached. I am not tied to him. I am not hopeful for more. But I got what I wanted. We both did. I think.
I had increased bravado, an extra push. I'm not sure how it would've gone otherwise, or if it would've gone at all.
It was so edgy, so teenage about having people sleeping just a room away, unaware. Something rough and sexy and almost frightening about my newfound understanding about the combination of flesh and linoleum, something about how it feels to hold your breath and bite you tongue so that the sounds don't escape. Something to do with the feeling of my back against the refrigerator as I reeled from the smoke. Something about the way I tensed and my bare toes curled against the artic concrete as I tried to adjust to the shape of an unfamiliar mouth.
Something to do with the fact that, though we both knew it was only about him, he made me feel like it was all for me.
Something to do with the fact that though he was 1,000 times my superior, he was vulnerable. He was nervous. His hands were shaking.
And I loved every second. I loved that it was a secret. I loved that we tasted like smoke.
I love that there was no false pretense. No promise to uphold. No history to consider. We both knew exactly what we were getting into.
I love that there was no grandeur. I love that he had to clear away clothes off his bed, and that he had to take off his socks. I love that he had trouble pulling my shorts off.
I love that, despite his all he's done, he still didn't quite know how to handle me. How I could tell I was different. That he KNEW I was different.
I love that it was exactly what I wanted, what I expected. But then, also not.
Because for some reason, it felt like he wanted me. As much as I convinced myself, promised myself it was only a fuck. Well, two. As much as I try to believe that, I know that there was just a little something more.
True story. If you followed it at all. Rate and Review if you want. Rock N' Roll.