A parody of Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".
Note: I do not own Criminal Minds, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, or any of their characters. Not quite as smooth as Dr. Seuss' book but it's what I could come up with but it is my first poetry fic.
Every female on Criminal Minds,
Thought Aaron Hotchner was hot,
But George Foyet, the Boston Reaper, did not.
Foyet hated Aaron!
He wasn't sure why,
But something about the man made him want to carve in Hotch an eye.
Perhaps it was because Hotch was much cooler than he was,
that one day the Reaper started coming up with ideas.
Ideas to ruin the rest of SSA Hotchner's whole life,
To torment, and torture him, and cause him much strife.
He had many ideas, but the one he liked best of all,
Was to break into Aaron's apartment, and hold the man in his thrall.
And so it was that one night he picked the lock on Aaron's door,
But in the process he happened to bang his toe and make it sore.
Before he could hold it back he gave out a shout,
Then listened and sure enough heard footsteps coming out.
He went inside quickly, and prepared to meet Aaron,
but instead saw a little boy, the loud noise had scared him.
"Who are you?" the little boy asked in great fright.
What could a stranger be doing here, in the middle of the night?
The Reaper, smart as he was, quickly thought up a tall tale,
"Oh, I'm just here to bring your Daddy his mail!".
Before the boy could reply, George pushed him out of his way,
Deciding to let the younger Hotchner live another day.
He went down the hall, and found Aaron's room,
And entering, over Hotch's sleeping body he loomed.
A hand went to the man's throat, and he awoke with a start,
as Foyet contemplated how to begin with his art.
Pulling out his knife, he savored in Aaron's eyes the look of alarm,
He was about to make the first cut, but something stayed his arm.
Looking down to his left, he saw in that place,
That Jack Hotchner was staring at him with a sad and forlorn face.
"Please don't hurt my Daddy," The boy said, his face the tears were rolling down,
And somehow this caused George Foyet to frown.
He remembered another boy that had been Jack Hotchner's age,
When the innocence had started to fade and been replaced with this rage.
This was not the case with junior here clearly,
his father was kind, and they loved each other dearly.
George envied the boy and wished his father had been like Jack's,
and then startled by the thought, at Aaron's face he looked back.
Who was this boy's father but the man the Reaper had been going to kill?
Who's throat his hand was wrapped around still?
This child had the life that George had had not,
but if in his plan George continued, that happiness would soon be forgot.
'Could he really do that to a child?', the Reaper, he mused,
thinking back on his own childhood, the years of abuse.
'This boy has the life I used to wish that I could'
Foyet thought with a sigh, as he pushed back his hood.
"It's not worth it!" He said, withdrawing his hand and putting away the knife.
He could not follow through with this plan and ruin Jack's life.
Turning around he gave up on all thoughts of attack,
and walking out the door, to his apartment went back.
Aaron clutched his son to him, holding him in his arms,
as pulling out his cell he dialed 911 and raised the alarm.
Laying there in the dark, hardly able to believe his luck,
Only one thought came to his head, 'What the fuck?'
End Note: Yeah, I know Foyet was out of character but it's a parody of Dr. Seuss