Ian met me on the other side and I had never been happier to see him. He held me tight and asked me to tell him everything. So I did. I told him everything from when I landed in Japan to when I said goodbye to them one last time.
"Do you think you'll ever see them again?" Ian asked me as he got me another pack of tissues.
"I don't know. I might." I replied. Ian sat down again, placing the pack of tissues in front of me. I opened them up and wiped my cheeks. "I need to start moving on with my life. Its not healthy staying like this."
"Or you could do want you really want to do." Ian replied. I raised my eyebrow. "Go back to Frank."
"What are you saying Ian?" I asked. "I can't just go back to him. It hurts to much."
"Yeah but what relationship doesn't?" Ian asked. "Think about it Nancy. You love him. He loves you. What happened in the past shouldn't matter anymore. You belong to each other." I stood up and walked out of the room, but Ian followed me. "Don't deny it, Nancy! You need him. Ever since you moved here in the first place, you tried to forget about him by dancing in strip clubs!"
"I did that because I was broke!" I turned and yelled at him. "I had no choice!"
"You did have a choice! You could have gotten a job anywhere."
"True." I replied. "But that still doesn't....I don't need him anymore Ian. I need to move on."
"But you belong with him." Ian whispered.
We were silent for a long time, until I made a decision.
"I love him. I love him so much." I slumped against the sofa and sat down on it.
"I know you do."
"When...when my parents died and I met Frank and all those guys...I kept thinking, something has to go wrong. But it didn't. Of course, I had that miscarriage and I ran away but when I came back, and Frank was there, in my bed with me...All the pain just stopped. Things got better again. I had never been happier. When Aunt Jess died, I thought that was it. But it hurt worse knowing that Frank had been with someone else at the same time."
"Of course, that hurt. It might always hurt. But you'll never know if you and Frank were meant for each other unless you try." Ian replied. He knelt in front of me and took my hands. "You have to try."
"I don't know if I have the strength anymore." Tears cascaded cheeks and Ian pulled me to his shoulder and stroked my head.
A few weeks after arriving back in Wales, I was back in America with Lostprophets for shows and interviews. We started in Miami and worked our way up to New York. The city that held many memories for me. Good, Bad and Ugly.
Ian and I had a few hours to kill so we hopped on a train to New Jersey. Of course, it was his idea but I also wanted to visit with Alyssa and check on my old house. I had no idea if MCR would be here, I had heard they were schedule to play at a festival in England but I wasn't sure.
Ian and I walked, hand in hand down the street of my house. We weren't in a relationship but I didn't want him to get lost like he'd done on numerous occasions. I took in the New Jersey scenery and sighed. I had missed this place, but I was moving on.
When we got to the front door, I knocked, not wanting to intrude on Alyssa. After all it was her home at the moment. To my surprise, it wasn't Alyssa who answered the door. It was Frank.
"Frank?" I asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Its ok, Ian I can take it from here." Frank said to Ian. I turned to Ian and saw him smirking mischeiviously. The bastard. Tears of anger filled my eyes. I didn't want this right now. Ian turned and was walking back down the path. He saluted and I felt Frank grasp my wrist. He took me inside and closed the door.
"What is this?" I asked him.
"This is me, trying to get you back. I'm gonna do whatever it takes." Frank replied. I didn't know what to say.
"Was Ian in on this?" I asked.
"At first, I thought maybe he could talk to in to coming back." Frank said. "But that didn't seem to work, so I spoke to Alyssa, she agreed to lend me the house for a day or two and Ian agreed to get you here."
"And what if it doesn't work?"
"Then I'll never bother you again, apart from a few birthday cards and such."
My body and my heart seemed to take control of my mind and the next thing I knew I was kissing Frank. And he was kissing back. We went upstairs, to my bedroom that appeared to untouched.
An hour later, we lying naked together, hearts beating faster, breathing uncontrollable, beads of sweat on our foreheads and clothes flung about the place. It was safe and familiar.
"What happens now?" Frank asked. He breathed heavily and I lay on his chest, listening to his heart beat. It was a wonderful sound.
"I don't know." I whispered. And I honestly didn't know what happens now. "I'm beginning to think that getting over you is impossible. You're my best friend and true love all at the same time. Its too hard to let go."
"Then...lets not let it go." Frank replied. "I know I hurt you but I would never ever hurt you again. I promise."
"Ian thinks I should move back here and be with you." I told him. "What do you think?"
"I think I agree with Ian." Frank said with a slight chuckle. "But I want you to make this decision. Be with me because you want to, not because everyone thinks you should." I nodded and smiled at him.
"I'm going to go take a walk." I told him. "I'll think things over." I got up and got dressed, I left him in the bed and went down stairs. I left the house and strolled down the path.
I walked and walked until I was so tired. I spotted a bench and took a seat. I breathed slowly and made a decision. I wanted to talk to Gerard. Maybe, if I tried being with someone else for a while, I'll realise exactly what it is that I want. Of course, I thought I wanted to be with Frank forever, but I don't know if that is what I truly and deeply wanted.
I knocked slowly on Gerard's bedroom door. He yelled "come in" and I went in slowly. Gerard turned around and smiled when he saw it was me.
"Nancy! What are you doing here?" He asked. He stood up and squeezed me in a hug.
"Well...I just came from my old house...Frank was there." I replied. Gerard leaned away to look at me.
"Well, he wants to get back together..." Gerard opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him. "I want to get back together with him to but I want to check something first..."
"I was wondering if maybe you would kiss me..." Gerard's eyes widened. "I know it sounds crazy. Apart from Ian you're the only other guy I've been with and Ian's at a show."
"You slept with Ian?" Gerard asked.
"He was my first." I replied.
"So, would you just kiss me. So I can see if Frank's really the one who I'm meant to be with?" I pleaded.
"I don't know how it will help you decide." Gerard said, still looking confused.
"Well...if our kiss feels ok then I know I'm meant to be with someone else, but if it feels wrong, then I'm going to go kiss Frank again and see how I feel then." I don't know if that made sense but Gerard was kissing me. I kissed him back and like with Frank, it was safe, it was familiar but it didn't feel quite right.
Just as Gerard's tongue was slipping into my mouth, I had to stop.
"No..." I replied. "It's not right. I love Frank."
"I hoped you would say that." Gerard said. "Go kiss Frank. It'll be better." I smiled, pecked Gerard's lips lightly and I skipped, merrily out of his room. I practically ran back to my old house and back to Frank.