Post-series, Vash has a little confession to make. Yaoi turned het turned cliche turned crack.
Vash was bored.
He nervously drummed his fingers against his knees, sat down, got up, walked up and down the narrow hospital hall, and sat down again. He repeated this process several times.
I hope nothing's wrong, Vash mused as he strolled along the tiled passageway. The yellowed plaster walls and dim lighting were all too familiar; after all, it had only been two months since his previous stay.
As they passed by the former outlaw, the various staff members stared and whispered to each other. Vash winced slightly at the unwanted attention. He guessed it was only natural, though.
After all, it wasn't every day that a plant alien gave birth.
Several months before
"Yes?" The insurance girl glanced up from her desk, a slight smile on her lips at the sight of her visitor.
Standing in the doorway, Vash grinned back. She was much more agreeable now, ever since he had popped The Question. Or maybe it had been the promotion and generous raise she had received, right after her superiors had heard she was engaged to the legendary outlaw Vash the Stampede.
"I need to talk to you."
"About...?" Meryl arched an eyebrow curiously.
"Well, a while back, a looooong while back, before we got settled and, you know, together, and we were in a hotel, not by ourselves, but with Milly and Wolfwood when he was alive, and we went to a party and got really drunk, well actually just me and Wolfwood and Milly, and I know you know I'm not exactly, uh, human, and you know, plants just have this funny thing where, uh, they're not like humans, so there's like, differences, BIG differences, an one of them just happens to be--"
"Vash," Meryl interrupted calmly, propping her elbows against her desk.
"Yeah?" the wildly gesticulating blonde man halted mid-sentence.
"Are you attempting to get some noon-time nookie?"
"Uh, no," the Humanoid Typhoon stammered, "though it would be really really nice right about now, like on the desk and everything, but, uh, no."
"Then what are you trying to say?"
Vash stared for a moment at his fiancÃ©, speechless. He blushed slightly, took a deep breath, and launched Major Revelation Number One.
He paused meaningfully, gazing at his shiny boots.
"With Nick's child."
Somewhere, in a secluded area 1,500 iles away, the ground near an unmarked grave trembled as the corpse inside twitched.
All things considered, Vash thought, Meryl had taken the news fairly well. A few broken bones (her right hand), a few broken chairs (his furniture), a few hours of angry sex (her idea), a few weeks of angry no-sex (her idea). All in all, a most expected response. He reminded himself to call her at home to see how Nicki was doing.
"Mr. Stryfe?" A harried-looking nurse timidly tapped him on the shoulder. Vash raised his head.
"Your... assistance is needed," she mumbled. As if to illustrate her point, a violent screech boomed throughout the building.
"Is he all right?" Vash asked anxiously. The young woman paled.
"That's the doctor's voice."
"Are you the child's..." she flinched slightly, "-father?"
"No," Vash smiled proudly, "I'm the uncle."
Before the nurse could reply, an even louder shriek of tremendous pain, frustration, and general pissed-off-ness echoed against the walls.
"GODDAMMIT LEGATO YOU RAT BASTARD SINGLE-TESTICLED MAN-BITCH I HOPE YOU BURN AND ROT IN HELL!"
Vash's smile became a little wider.
Far far far away, in the divine equivalent of a sleazy motel distinctly south of Heaven, Midvalley the Hornfreak broke away from his current tongue-sparring partner.
"What the hell was that?"
Legato Bluesummers smirked slightly in reply, draping his arms around his favorite Gung-Ho Gun.