It's amazing at the blink of an eye, you can finally see the light...
That how I felt about Party’s picture. He had captured my face as if it were a black and white photograph. My face didn’t have one problem with it, except the fact that Party drew my crooked nose and my semi-bloodshot eyes. He got my signature smirk, the notes of black and gold in my green eyes, and my mused hair. It was… amazing.
I had let my mouth gape open slightly, and dumb ass Gigantor noticed me gaping like a fish. “Aww… How sweet!”
Party and I both punched Gigantor in the arm, making him laugh and fall backwards on the crate he was sitting on.
“Wow…” was I could choke out before letting my gaze go to Party’s face. He seemed… Scrutinizing, as big of a word that is. He kept looking at the picture and shaking his head or looking down. “Party, this is really good…” I said, taking the drawing from his hands to look at it closely. The guys still hadn’t said anything, but Kobra had understanding on his face, Blondie looked wistful and yet sad, and Ghoul looked down-right sad. Must be because Ghoulie’s jealous, I thought, and silently chuckled.
We sat there, not saying anything and sipping our beers like a bunch of patient ladies waiting for a friend at a bar, for about thirty minutes, each of us lost so deep in thought I was surprised when we didn’t find each other in our thoughts. We might as well have fallen asleep in that time, but, like I said, we were so deep in thought we sometimes forgot to breathe.
I thought about Party, and Tim, and pre-Killjoy days, and my mom, and what could have changed in order for this day to have never happened. It’s not like I didn’t like this day, it’s just… This day isn’t one of my best, that’s for sure. I began to sketch, still lost in my thoughts, and I found myself sketching a field with a girl running through it. I tilted my head at the mind-sketch and wondered, Where did this come from?
I finally gave up sitting there and began to make a song in my head, thinking of words that rhymed and would fit in a confusing song.
I raised my doodle for every to see, and I was a little amazed at how Vi reacted. She was… Shocked in the good way, you could say as the least. I didn’t like it though. This was not one of my best pictures. In fact, this one sucked so much I debated ripping it apart right then and there.
“Aww… How sweet!” Ray said, and I punched him at the same time as Vi, making him land on his back behind one of Vi’s crates laying around the tree.
“Wow…” Vi said, her mouth still agape. She looked at me with pleasant surprise on her face while I shook my head at the doodle. “Party, this is really good…” She said quietly, stealing the doodle from my hand right as I made the decision to rip it apart. If only she had waited another hour, I could have drawn her so much better… I remained silent.
Ray was still laying on the ground, staring up, when I looked around at the guys. Bob looked a little sad, and I remembered his ex, whom he loved so very much when they first became Killjoys, but was killed when Korse came around to our hideout and attacked us when we were least expecting it. We were lucky to make it out alive. Mikey was slightly nodding, not enough for Vi to notice, but enough for me to see. He looked happy-ish, and I couldn’t tell if it was at my doodle, my actions, or just in general. Frank was the one who struck one my nerves. He looked really sad, and didn’t try to mask it. I frowned internally, knowing he loved me more than I loved him, which made both him and I sad.
I began to think what would happen if Vi and I ran off together. I made up this who scheme in my head about how we would do it, when we would do it, where we would run to, what we would do for the rest of our days together… I smiled at the fantasy, but not without sad thoughts, knowing it would never happen.
Vi had begun to draw something, but her eyes told a different scene. They were semi-glazed over, and she wasn’t staring at the paper as she sketched. I couldn’t tell if she was thinking while she sketched, or was bored and was trying to draw something without looking at the paper. I sometimes did that, when the guys and I had a moment or two to just sit and ponder our next move against BLI.
Vi’s eyes finally unglazed, and she looked down at her work. She tilted her head to the right, a move she did when she was wondering about something. She must have seen what she drew, and was wondering at what she drew while deep in thought. She shook her head slightly, and I noticed she was shaking. I wanted to go and hug her, but she looked deep in thought, writing in her sketchbook every so often, that I didn’t want to disturb her.
I finally gave up, and got up to sit by her and pull her into a hug. Vi looked at me, eyes swimming with confusion and happiness, and I nearly melted. She was just so… amazing. She looked away from me, and I laid my head in hers, letting her head fall into the crook of my neck.
I was so sad when I saw what Gee had drawn. It wasn’t me. It was… HER. I wasn’t angry though. I was just sad that Gee was going to a girl and not me.
When Gerard looked at me, I didn’t try to hide my sadness. I just sat in my self-pitying thoughts, wishing I had a bottle of any alcohol to drown myself in. The way Gee looked at her made me sick with jealousy. I wanted that to me for so long now, I forgot any other love I might have possibly had before. Gerard was perfect for me, and I loved him so VERY much… I took a deep breathe and began to sit in sad thoughts.
When Gerard got up and walked to her, giving her a hug, it took every fiber of my un-well being not to do something. I wanted him so bad it hurt. I blinked a couple times, and looked down. I wanted to be the one staring into his eyes, putting my head by his, hearing his heartbeat match mine. I fell back into my self-pity.
Party and I sat there for what seemed like the longest time, the guys around us silent. We were still lost in thought.
I made the first move for anything. “So, what’s next?”
Four heads turned towards me, the fifth already facing me. Some of the guys looked disturbed, like I had woken them up, but Ghoul looked relieved. Maybe he didn’t like such quiet silence either.
“We need to do something. We can’t just sit here, as entertaining as that may sound,” I said, speaking up a little, but not a lot. I was kinda afraid at what was going to happen when we left my tree.
The guys were silent in ponder, and Gigantor finally spoke up. “BLI is doing something in Battery City in three days. Some kind of convention or something for those nasty pigs. We could get as many of us as we can and attack them…” He trailed off, leaving the idea in the air.
“Yeah, that would be cool. Even though it would take a lot of Killjoys, we could attack them. I have a sneaky suspicion that dildo Korse is going to be there…” I said, agreeing with Gigantor. “We could radio for every Killjoy to grab all their ammunition and shoot their fuckin’ faces off.”
The guys nodded, Party still hugging me. I smiled. “Besides, you guys would need Number 6 if you were going to attack them.” I looked up at Party, who has a slow smile spreading across his face as he let me go and stood up.
“So that’s our plan. To surprise attack those pigs at the convention on…” Party thought for a moment. “Friday. Moonstruck, you radio everyone we know and then some, telling them to meet at the Black Thursday night. Jet, you begin to take count of every weapon we have and what we might need. Kobra, you and I are going to travel to every corner of the Zones gathering people. Ghoul, you and Violet are going to pack up in her truck and the Death Machine.” Everyone nodded, heading off to their assigned task. I just stood up, wondering at how a bunch of guys could actually work together.
“Well? Are you going to stand there like an idiot or help me get your damn stuff into your truck so we can go?” Ghoul asked me, seeming pissed at something.
I looked at him, hostility matching his piss-i-ness. “Only if you can fold, princess.”
Ghoul walked up to me, a full seven inches shorter than me. It hurt my neck just to look down at him. “Listen to me, princess,” Ghoul said, emphasis on ‘princess’, “I’m pissed, and you don’t wanna see me get angry. Are you going to help me fold things or just stand there like the blubbering idiot you are?”
I narrowed my eyes at Ghoul. “What are you implying? That’s I’m a dipshit pussy? Go look in the mirror.”
Ghoul attacked me with a growl, and I grabbed Ricky off of one of my strewn-across-the-room crates. Ghoul and I rolled over, so I was on top of him, holding Ricky at his neck, pressing the tender skin that sat there. “Now you listen to me, pussy. I don’t know what you’re angry about, but whatever it is, I’m sure it is not something to fight a person about. Now you stop whatever this shit is, or, so God help me, I will kill you right here and now.”
“Do it. You can’t,” Ghoul spat in my face. There were those two words again: ‘you can’t’. I snarled and began to press the knife’s blade into his skin when I felt myself being pulled off of Ghoul.
“Let me go! This ass hole pissed me off, and I gotta kill him!” I yelled as Kobra and Blondie pulled me away from Ghoul to outside of the tree. The shoved me down into my truck, and Party began to walk over when I sat down. I looked out towards the horizon through the windshield, arms crossed over my chest, Ricky still in hand.
“What the hell was that?!” Kobra asked me, but I still didn’t say anything. He sighed, ran his hand thorugh his blondish hair, and waved Blondie off, telling him he’ll call him back if he needs anything. Blondie nodded and walked off, back to radioing people. Kobra looked at me, and I stared back at him, my eyes narrowed and anger written plainly over my face.
“What happened?” Party asked, just now joining the conversation. I didn’t look at him, and turned away from Kobra.
“She was trying to kill Ghoul,” Kobra said, and I still felt his eyes on my: harsh, condescending. “Had a knife to his throat.”
“Okay, Kobra, thanks,” Party said, and Kobra walked off to prep my love. “What was that?” Party asked, trying to get an answer out of me. I clamped my mouth shut tighter and kept staring out of the windshield, watching the horizon and wondering how long it would take to run away, remembering Party's face when he told me I couldn't run away. I knew if I looked at Party I might spontaneously cry. Party sighed, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Party ran his hand through his hair, a seemingly nervous habit of his. “You know why Frank’s mad, right?”
I looked over at Party, swallowing down sadness and tears, but still not trusting myself to speak.
Party takes that as a good sign to continue. “He’s likes me.”