The aftermath of the formidable game of I Never.
Recommended Listening:Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol
I plod down the main hall of the tour bus,trying to figure out what I'm gonna say to Frank.
Listen,Frank,you're my best friend,you can tell me anything-
I understand you didn't want to tell everyone else but-
Hey,did you catch last night's episode of Law And Order?It was awesome.
Okay,Frank knows blood makes me squirm,so the whole "Law And Order" thing might not fly over too well.
I place my ear against the door,expecting to hear some noise,but all is silent on the other side.
"Frank?"I knock timidly on the door."You in there?"
"Yeah,Gerard.What is it?"
He sound weary,like a war veteran or something.His voice is cracked and broken.Shit,I hope he hasn't cried or something.I'll start crying if he's crying.
"Can I....come in?"
He doesn't answer,but I walk in anyway.I expect him to be facing me,fists clenched and eyes a-blaze,but he's not.He's sitting on the edge of the bed,his back to me,shoulders hunched.He looks like a kid who just got yelled at by his parents.
I can so see a future career in confrontation for me.Firing people or something.
"Would you like to tell me why?"
I sound like a therapist.We used have a therapist on tour with us,but Mikey stuck all her pens in the toaster and she left-there were no forks,you see.
At this point I sit on the bed with him,and it sags down once my ass touches it.Great.Not only do I sound like a jackass,I'm getting fat.
I realize he's twirling something in his hands.It's small,and it sparkles when he moves it.It strikes me peculiar but I carry on.
"Frank.Please tell me.I promise I won't tell the others."
"You said that about the hair too."
"I know,but that was just a joke,and I'm sorry if it hurt you.This is fucking serious,ba-Frank."
He looks at me and stops twirling the sparkly thing."What did you say?"
"Frank.I said Frank.As in your name....Frank."
Obviously when God gave out awkwardness I queued up more than required.
He shakes his head."You don't wanna know."
"Yeah,I do.I care about you,man,I don't wanna see you get hurt."
"Who says I'm gonna get hurt?"
Get to the point Gerard,at this stage you'll be outta this room when you strike forty.
"So,can you please just tell me?"
He inhales sharply and says in one breath:
He sighs,and says,"Sarah.....and..I..broke up?"
His face contorts,and for s split second I think he's gonna cry,but then he relaxes.Phew.My tear ducts were ready to aim there.
"Oh,Frank,I'm so sorry.That's awful."
He holds up The Sparkly Thing.I see that is no longer just a sparkly thing,but Sarah's engagement ring.It's beautiful,and gleams in the light.
"Yeah,it is awful.I felt awful when I told her."
What now?"Told her what?"
"When I broke up with her."Sniff."Said I was the world's biggest motherfucking bastard and she never wanted to see me again."Sniff.
I had been wondering where Sarah had been these last few days.I had assumed she was just tired of touring and went home.
I hate to ask what I'm about to ask.
"Why...did you guys break up?"
He winces,and then he turns around fully,so he's facing me now.
"You,Gerard.'Cause of you."
That's when my mind gave up on me.Zero,zilch,nada.You are the weakest link,good-bye.
So long,farewell,auf wiedersehn,goodbye!
Suddenly,he hurls the ring at the wall."Yes Gerard,because of you."
I can't speak.My mind is still AWOL.I can only make noises.
"Why,I hear you ask?!"He stands up,and starts to pull at his hair,screaming now."Because I'm in love with you.There!Are you happy now?!"He stops tearing out his hair and his arms flop to the sides."I'm....in....love....with you.....you bastard..."he sobs.
Then I'm awake and coherent.He has sunken to the floor,sobbing hopelessly.I sit down next to him,and try to hug him.At first he tries to lamely push me away,but then he falls against me,crying.
"Shhh,Frank,"I mummer in a maternal manner,"it's okay,it's all okay now."
"No,it's not,"He moans into my chest,"it's not o-fucking-kay.Uncensored version of "I'm Not Okay" reference,anyone?author pulls stupid giddy face and then apologizes for interrupting the moment"I heard what Mikey said a few weeks ago.He said "You two will fucking destroy this band."Does that sound okay to you?"
I shake my head."Fuck 'im.Fuck 'em all.I don't give a shit,Frank,I honestly don't.I've loved you since I first met you.If I have you I don't need anything else.And anyway,of course we won't destroy the band."
"What about Mikey?"
"Mikey's a fucking idiot,ignore him."
"I love Mikey,but he can be a almighty pain in the ass sometimes.He'll get used to us,"I say cheerfully.
"What if he doesn't?Get used to it,I mean."
"He'll have to,"I respond darkly.
We sit there for a while,and just forget the world.
be honest guys.was it shockingly shite? xo.l