Not as ick as the title. I hope anyway. I just didn't want to sit infront of my laptop for hours again trying to think of a title x/
The happiness seemed to go away too quickly... I had cut. And I felt horrible about it. Gee hadn't even looked at a beer in the past few weeks...but I had cut. I had failed Gerard. We were supposed to stop all this stupid self-harming that got us nowhere. But Gerard had the strength to stop, I didn't. The thought made tears come to my eyes. I was so weak...But I decided to swallow down my tears and take a deep breath. Once I was able to get a grip on myself I walked out into the kitchen; all the guys were there.
"What's for dinner, guys?" I asked with fake cheerfulness.
"Olive Garden as of now,"
"Sounds good to me," I smiled, but I stayed quiet for the rest of the trip there, contemplating what to do. I could talk to Gerard about anything, I knew that. He already knew all of my 'deepest darkest secretes'...and if he was okay with that, he would be okay with anything. But should I just tell him? Or keep it to myself? "No." I decided. I wasn't going to keep this to myself any longer. How was I ever going to get better if I didn't get help? And what better person to reach out to than Gerard?
By the time we finally pulled into the parking lot by some Olive Garden I was on the verge of hyperventilating. All the guys walked out one by one, thankfully, Gerard was last. I grabbed his arm before he stepped out. He turned and looked at me bit surprised.
"Gerard," I swallowed. "I need to talk to you."
"Sure,"he said, a bit concerned.
I stepped back into the bus so that none of the other guys would hear us. He followed me and waited a while for me to say something.
"Gerard," I just said and hugged him.
"What is it?" he said, still concerned.
"...I cut," I said with tears bottling up.
Gerard took a deep breath, but I started talking before he could. "Gee, I hate it. I hate it so bad. But I'm addicted to it. I can't stop. Whenever things go wrong and I just feel defeated, I just...I just don't know what else to do...I just cut. And it only makes me feel worse. Sometimes it makes me feel better...but I get so ashamed at myself, Gerard. I hate how I have to do this to myself because of what people say about me, or how they treat me, or because I feel like I'm not good enough... There's so many reasons behind it, and I hate it, but I don't know what else to do...And if people found out, things would just get worse. I would upset so many people..."
Gerard hugged me tighter "It's okay, Aria. Everything's going to be okay. Were going to get you through this...This isn't going to be easy, Aria, and it's going to take some time, but you can do it. And I promise you are never going to have to do that ever again. And I never want you to stop believing that. Never."
Sorry it's taken me soooo long to update! >.< Highschool sucks! I never have any time to do anyting! >.<
Have you guys seen the new fabulous Planetary (GO!) video? ;D