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Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > My Love Is Her Boyfriend

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• My Love Is Her Boyfriend

  (#) pume19 2011-01-11

  claps loud That was awesome! Loved how Sakura just pwnd everyone xDD

• My Love Is Her Boyfriend

  (#) ZENI7H 2011-05-23

  Haha, okay this was an entertaining story. I have a few suggestions:
  
  skip a line between paragraphs and dialog otherwise it runs together and makes it hard to read.
  
  also some of your sentences have an odd kind of disjointed break up, even though the information and flow is good the punctuation looks to be added after the fact incorrectly for instance:
  
  "Yet the worst thing,is that while she is watching Karin be lovey dovey with Sasuke,her heart is sinking.Because she is in love with Sasuke Uchiha and has been since the seventh grade in Konoha Junior High."
  
  should be:
  
  Yet the worst thing is that while is watching Karin be lovey dovey with Sasuke, her heart is sinking beacuse she is in love with Saskue Uchiha and has been since the seventh grade in Konoha Junior High.
  
  same words, but there's no reason to break it up with punctuation the way you did, it's all one thought.
  
  a couple typos or perhaps just the wrong tense:
  
  "he said with a laughed at the end"
  
  should be laugh.
  
  "she blushed noticed what she had just said."
  
  probably: she blushed when she noticed
  
  2 things seemed a little of cannon:
  
  "hottest couple in the leaf,usa"... the leaf is japan...
  
  "
  Oh,she probably just needs a nudge.She's not that bad.",Hinata said,"
  
  I laughed because Hinata is the world's biggest social misfit lol.
  
  okay enough negativity, I enjoyed the story it was entertaining and thought I could see the ending coming before it did I still enjoyed Sakura getting her moment in the sun. PS: overalls? EWwww!
  
  I hope you won't take my criticisms personally I only want to help your writing style get better as you go on we all can learn more :)
  
  I liked your story and I hope you'll write more!
  
  if you have any questions about my review or in general feel free to contact me via email or however.

  Author's response

  I actually thank you for the pointers and I understand that I messed up once and again. I'll take them seriousy because writing is kind of serious to me and I love writing what's on my mind and making it a story. The tips are nice, so thanks.

• My Love Is Her Boyfriend

  (#) rugby_roo 2011-05-24

  hey this is great!!!
  may i ask when the next chap is?
  please make it soon pleaseeeee!!!

• My Love Is Her Boyfriend

  (#) rugby_roo 2011-05-24

  next chap???
  

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