FicWad

I did try to fight for my life to some extent. I wriggled and tried to slip out of the man's grasps, but to no avail. His fingernails dug deep into my throat as he continued to pound within me. Everything inside of me felt like it was going to explode. Part of it from the lack of oxygen and part of it from the way my lower belly was seething inside me.

Before he could actually throttle me to death, the man reached his peak and loosened his grip on my throat as he released within me. Desperate for air, I panted and gagged as I tried to fight for that much needed oxygen. After he was done, the man pulled his breeches back up and stood over me. I flinched away from him and waited to see what he was going to do.

After a few moments of silence, I asked nervously, "Are you going to kill me?" There was a long silence in which the man simply looked down at me thoughtfully. His dug his hands into my hair and looked deep in my eyes as he said, "Perhaps I should. You're nothing but a useless whore. Tell me something. What exactly do you have to live for?"

I thought about that question and came up with nothing. I blinked at the man and shrugged. He nodded and said, "That's my point. There are far too many prostitutes out there these days." With that said, he grabbed my hair and pushed me head into the dirt. Before I could realize what he was doing, half my body was covered in dirt. A few seconds later, I was buried in the ground completely.

I struggled for breath and wondered why the man wanted me to die in a hole in the ground. Still thinking that maybe I would see Cutler again, I tried to fight my way out of the hole. Despite my feverish digging, the light would not come. As I started hyperventilating, black dots appeared out of the dirt above me and started to obscure my vision.

Before long, I was lying as good as dead in the hole. Surprisingly enough, I awoke only a few hours later. There were little air pckets underneath the ground that had allowed me to breath and had thus spared my life. Thankful for this, I realized that I had to find a way out of this hole very quickly. Taking a deep breath, I started digging with all my might.

Dirt fell down around me, crushing the air pockets that had allowed me to breathe. Fuck. I didn't have much time left. I had to hurry! I continued digging with all my might. Just when I thought the stretch of dirt above me was never going to end, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Excited, I sped up my digging and pushed my head out of the dirt.

Bright light shone down around me and despite the fact that most of my body was still under the dirt, at least my head was out. I took a few minutes to catch my breath before I pulled the rest of my body out of the hole. I knew I was a big, fucking mess. Dirt was smeared onto my body and embedded into my hair. Looking around, I saw my dress was torn in half.

Obviously not being able to walk to town naked, I tied the two remaining pieces of my dress together to make a makeshift garment to wear. Stumbling to my feet, I started back towards town. Once I reached it, I ran as quickly as I could through the streets until I reached the tavern. I burst through the door and went straight to my room, slamming the door behind me.

For the next three days, I did nothing but drink and sleep. The experience of being pushed into the dirt and having someone try to suffocate you stayed clearly in my head. I was much more wary of all my future customers, but truth be told, you were always at their mercy. I wasn't a big, strong girl. I couldn't fight for myself. If my clients wanted to kill me, I could do nothing about it.

The next four months passed and now I was fourteen and already felt like an old woman. I looked far beyond my age. Glancing in the mirror, I found a girl with black holes for eyes, limp hair, thin limps, and dark circles beneath her eyes. Shit, I looked goddamn awful. No wonder I hadn't had any customers lately. Sighing, I put on my dress, finished my bottle of whiskey, and went out to the tavern. Yes, over the next months, my alcohol addiction had only increased. I was now drinking at least a bottle a day.

I sat on my usual table at the tavern, drunk and bleary-eyed. As I sat there and waited for clients, I noticed two men walking in. Although I was too drunk to pay that much attention to them, I had to admit that I found both of them rather good looking. Hoping to get their attention, I pulled my dress down to expose all my cleavage and flipped my skirt up far above the knee.

I didn't get their attention, but I did get Jacob's attention. He smiled at my antics and waved at me from across the room. I gave a half-hearted wave back to him. Jacob had been quite kind to me. He had literally given me the room in the bar. I barely had to pay for it anymore. Before, I might have insisted on paying for it, but paying more meant working more. That wasn't something I could bare.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to go over to the men. I perched on the edge of their table and waited for them to notice me. Unable to look people in the eye without feeling shame, I looked at the ground. One of the men looked up at me curiously and asked, "Are we in your way? I'm sorry, we can move." I almost laughed. The man obviously didn't think I was a whore.

The other man tapped the first one and whispered in his ear. The first one nodded and looked back over at me. Frowning, he said, "Sorry, I'm married. I can't pay you." Feeling a bit put out, I nodded and waited for the second man to say something. He sighed and looked at me intently before he asked, "Do you need the money? I don't usually pay...um...women."

I liked how this man actually acted somewhat respectful. He didn't call me a whore or a slut. Realizing that I could get some money off of a customer who might actually be gentle with me, I slurred, "I could use the money." The man hesitated and looked down at me in indecision. Finally, he gave in and said, "Alright. I'll pay you. Where are we going?"

Thinking I could just bring him to the usual alleyway, I motioned for him to follow me and worked my way out of the bar and into the streets. Once we were there, I leaned against the wall and waited for the man to fuck me. He took a step towards me, flipped my hand so that my palm was facing up, and dumped a large handful of coins into it.

Very shocked, I gazed at the large sum of money and asked, "You don't want to have sex with me?" The man shook his head and motioned to the money, saying, "Just take it. I'm sure you could use it." Wanting to see the face of whoever was being so kind to me, I looked up into the man's face and gasped. Staring up into deep brown eyes, I asked, "Gillette?"

Gillette's eyes widened as he got a good look at my face. Squinting down at me, he asked in utter amazement, "Miss Cook? Is that really you?" I nodded and tossed him a smile. Gillette looked me over and said, "I always wondered what happened to you. I searched for you a few times, but I couldn't find you anywhere. Oh god, it's so good to see you're not dead."

Gillette offered his arms to me in a tentative hug, obviously unsure how I felt towards men because of my current state. I trusted Gillette more than pretty much anyone though. I fell into his arms and leaned against his chest. For some reason, I found myself smelling him. God, he smelled good. He smelled kind of sweet and musky at the same time.

"So this is what you've been doing with your life?" Gillette asked me, holding me loosely to him. "What made you decide to do this? I mean, weren't there other options?" Shrugging, I slurred, "Not really. I barely make any money these days. I don't know what to do. I hate this kind of work. And I'm like always drunk. I have to have alcohol. It's the only thing that keeps me going."

Gillette flinched at my words and offered, "Why don't you come back to my place? You can stay with me and I'll pay for anything you need. We've got to get you better, okay?" I thought about Gillette's offer. It was beyond nice of him to offer for me to stay with him, but could I really accept such an offer? I would somehow have to pay him back eventually.

"Okay," I agreed, "But only if you let me pay you back." Gillette sighed and didn't answer. He took my forearm gently and pressed, "Come on, Jenna. We'll worry about that later. Right now, I just want you to get out of this bar." Since that was the main thing I wanted to do at the moment, I didn't protest. Instead, I let him lead me back into the tavern.

We went back to the other man Gillette had come in with and I realized that it was Theodore Groves. Gillette tapped Groves and said, "Look who I found, Theo! Remember Miss Cook?" Groves looked up at me, recognition breaking out all over his face. He nodded and replied, "Of course I remember her. You're Lord Beckett's little girl, aren't you?"

Not really able to live up to that name, I shrugged and replied, "I was." Gillette smiled broadly from Groves to me. Taking my hand, he said to Groves, "I'm going to take her back to my place and get her cleaned up. I'll see you tomorrow?" Groves nodded and waved to us, saying, "Okay. It was nice to see you again, Miss Cook. I trust I'll see more of you soon."

I waved to Groves and let Gillette tug me out of the bar. I would never set foot in this tavern ever again. Feeling very exhausted and sleepy, I found myself dragging my feet as Gillette led me across town. I yawned and wobbled, feeling like I was going to fall over. Looking over at me, Gillette said, "You look like you're going to fall over. Why don't you let me carry you?"

Feeling like I was going to faint, I nodded. Gillette picked me up and carried me back to his house. I found myself smelling him again. Great. I really couldn't resist when it came to men, could I? As Gillette carried me, I had a deja vu moment when I remembered Cutler carrying me to the doctor a year and a half ago after I had broken my leg.

That was such a long time ago. I had hoped and prayed for Cutler to come find me, but he had never come. I wondered why and suddenly found myself angry. Fuck Cutler for never trying to find me. Fuck him for forgetting all about me. As I pressed my head against Gillette's chest, I realized that perhaps it was time to move on. If Cutler didn't want me, then why waste time thinking about him? Maybe Gillette was my future. Maybe we could be more than friends?

Gillette arrived at his home a moment later and kicked the door open. After shutting it behind him carefully, he brought me straight through a clean, simple parlor to the bedroom. He put me on the bed and asked in concern, "What can I do for you right now? Are you hungry or thirsty at all? Is there anything you need? Tell me and I'll get it for you."

"Well, at some point, I might like a bath," I murmured. Looking down at myself, I found I was pretty much covered in sex, sweat, and other substances that stank. Gillette looked me over and nodded, "I agree that would be a good idea. Is there anything else I can do for you? I'll draw you the bath right now. Do you have anything else to wear? Maybe you need a new dress."

A new dress? My heart raced with excitement at that thought. I hadn't had a new dress for so long. Having a new dress would mean a lot to me. Smiling happily over at Gillette, I said, "Well, if it isn't too much trouble, I think I might like a new dress." Gillette nodded and started walking away, saying, "No trouble at all. I'll go get those things for you right now."

Before Gillette could leave, I pressed, "Gillette?" He turned and looked at me quizzically. I motioned him over to me. Once Gillette was standing over me, I said softly, "Thank you." With that said, I kissed him very gently, just to let him know that maybe I was really interested in him after all.