"Then why do I feel like this! Why do I feel so alone and empty! What's wrong with me!" I screamed to the black sky.
16 Years Later
Life couldn't be better! Levi is growing up! Seventeen is a big number! I still can't believe he's seventeen already! Where has the time gone? It seems so surreal. But they do eventually grow up and go out on their own to experience the world outside of school and family.
It was only yesterday that we were opening presents and having Christmas dinner at Michael's parents and now we're having a seventeenth birthday party for Levi. I swore he was about two feet yesterday with huge green eyes and thin brown hair! Now he smells and we need to buy him bigger jeans every month.
"Mom!" I hear Levi shout from his room.
"Yeah?" I call to him from the kitchen where I am preparing his favorite dish for his party.
"Where's my blue flannel!?" He asks.
"Levi, you are not wearing that rag to your party!" I hear him throw some stuff around probably looking for it.
"Why not?" He comes into the kitchen shirtless. He has my pale skin and his dad's lean, tall body.
"Because you need to look nice and you don't look nice in your flannel! I'm sorry, but you're not wearing that shirt." I shook my head. He just sighed and went back to his room.
"Well, then can you iron my baby blue shirt, please?" He came back with a wrinkled baby blue shirt he only used once for winter formal.
A while back Michael and I decided to put him into a public school on Earth to let him have a chance at a normal life. And he seemed to like so we let him be. Though he knows he is speical, not like everyone else, he is very conservative about bringing people over. For that we thank him because it takes a lot of stress off of Michael and me.
I smirked. "Yeah, just leave it on the couch." He just smiled and came to kiss me on the head.
"Thanks, Mom." He said and left back to his room. More throwing things and thuds came from Levi's room and then he came back out to the kitchen. "Okay, I'm gonna go out and get the decorations and pick up the cake for tonight and drop then off at the hall and then come back and get ready." He zipped up his sweater and I heard the jingeling of keys, to the car we bought him for his sixteenth birthday, as he grabbed them from the key holder on the wall.
"Okay, but be careful!" I called to him as he opened the door.
"Okay, I will." Then, I heard the door close and now I was alone. The apartment felt more empty than ever. The hollowness was coming back to me. Levi was leaving and then there would be just Michael and I here. Lately, he's been really distant from me. Very secretive. He's been coming home very late from work and he is leaving early. It's like he's hiding something from me. But what? Was our love fading? Whenever he kisses me I don't feel anything anymore and I know he doesn't either. He kisses me like it's a reflex or a daily routine. Like if he doesn't I'll get mad. And it won't matter either way because I'm mad anyway.
As I finished the turkey and fresh fruit salad Michael comes through the door. He's early. This is weird. I come out from the kitchen and watch him put his coat away. "How was your day?" I ask.
"Fine." He mumbles and stalks passed me to the room. I just sigh and sit down on the couch and stare out the window. It's about 7 PM when Levi gets back.
"Hey, mom. Okay, everything is set up and it looks awesome!" He would have continued, but he takes a hard look at me. "Mom? You okay?" He asks and comes to sit next to me on the couch. I just stare at him.
"I didn't get to iron your shirt." I remembered. I'm about to get up when Levi reaches out his hand and stops me.
"It doesn't matter, Mom. What's going on?" He asks again.
"It's your dad." I tell him in his mind. He just stares at me. There was just one thing I forgot to tell Levi. He can read minds just like me. I didn't want to tell him till he was old enough so that he wouldn't misuse or abuse the power he has been given.
"I can hear my mother's thoughts." He thought.
"Of course. You are half vampire. We are each given special gifts when we are turned. In this case, when you're born. I just didn't want to tell you for the reason that I didn't want you to abuse your powers and use them for the wrong reason." I communicated to him.
"So, what's going on? Are you and Dad fighting?" He asked.
"I don't know. I have no idea what's wrong. But I want to find out to fix it so that things will go back to normal." I said.
"Mom, we're a family of angel, vampire and hybrid of the both! We're never normal." He mused. But he was right. I just smiled at him. "I'll talk to him and see what's up. Promise." We hugged it out and he got up to head to the room where Michael lay. And just as he was about to turn he said, "This whole mind reading thing is cool." We both laughed and he continued on his way. I just hope he finds out soon. Now, I need to iron his shirt.
At Levi's Seventeenth Birthday Bash there were streamers everywhere, balloons and confetti littered the floor and the air. The table clothes white and purple. The tables lined the walls with comfy chairs with purple ribbons. The big wax 17 as a centerpiece. The ice sculptor stood opposite the main entrance across the hall, and next to it a chocolate covered, fudge filled, three-teared cake. The DJ took up a small corner of the room next to the ice sculptor, and My Chemical Romance on the other side setting up.
The DJ played some hip hop, R&B, rap and all the other modern artists while everyone ate and the band set up. Everyone enjoyed the turkey but me, and the fresh fruit salad. It seemed that everyone else was having a great time but me. Was there something wrong with me? This doesn't seem like me. Even Michael was smiling while tuning his bass with the guys. So I just sat in the kitchen picking at one of the cupcakes we ordered with raspberry filling and chocolate icing. Picking off all the sprinkles and eating them one by one. And saving the dyed cherry for last, then licking off all the frosting and finally eating the moist cake itself, savoring the raspberry. It took me half an hour to eat one cupcake.
All of Levi's young friends dancing and laughing. All their smiles and eyes glowing in the black lights and strobe lights. There were a bunch of glowsticks glowing on the dance floor. This turned out to be a great party.
I scanned the hall and found Levi in the center of the dancefloor under the disco ball with a beautiful girl. Her long, curly blonde hair. Her coffee brown eyes and Latin tan skin. She was almost as tall as Levi, she was skinny with wide hips and full breasts. Long legs and firm arms. She was pretty. I smiled. I was glad that Levi found someone. I've heard him talk about her with Michael before. I've heard their late night calls and how he called her babe and honey bunch. It always made me laugh. Levi was so playful with words and names.
I looked over the crowd and then I got to Michael. He was watching me. His face dry and tired. His eyes heavy. He wore a damp frown that made him look ghostly. I tried to smile, but he just looked away. By that rejection I went back to hoard myself in the kitchen. I was throwing away plates when Levi came into the kitchen with the blonde girl on his arm. "Mom, take a break for a sec and meet Isabela." I put down the black trash bag and wiped my hands on a towel near the stove.
"Hi, I'm Levi's mom, Phoenix." I smiled and shook her hand. She had soft, fair skin. Her eyeliner was smudging and she had beads of sweat on her body making it glow.
"I'm Isabela. You threw one rad party, Mrs. -" She paused.
"Just call me Phoenix. I don't like the formal Miss or Misses." I laughed.
"Okay, Phoenix. I love your name." She nodded. "I'm acutally from Phoenix, Arizona so it's kinda ironic." She laughed awkwardly. I smiled and Levi giggled. Then, the dreaded awkward fell upon us. Levi cleared his throat.
"Mom, when are we gonna cut the cake? People really want to dig into it."
"Um, well if you want to serve it now we can. And the cupcakes..." I turned around to grab a box of cupcakes.
"Let me help you." Isabela smiled and grabbed the box.
"Thank you. Just place them on the table next to the ice and cake." She nodded and left.
"So, what do you think?" Levi asked excitedly.
"I think you should help me get these cupcakes, plates, forks and napkins to the table so these people can get their cake." I said and juggled three boxes of cupcakes, a pile of plates and a bag of platic forks.
I told Gerard to stop the music so we can sing Happy Birthday to Levi. "Hey, everybody!" He started. "We are now gonna sing to my nephew for his seventeenth birthday!" Frank helped Levi to the stage and everyone sang Happy Birthday and we all clapped as he blew out his one and seven candles atop the cake.
Back home, I wearily opened the door to the apartment and stumbled into the bed. I caved into Levi staying out later with his friends and sleeping over Nate's (his best friend). I was too tired to say no and deal with all the pouting and complaining that came to denying his wishes.
I lay spread out across the bed and closed my eyes. It was so quiet in the house that I heard Michael breathing and shuffling into the room. I opened my eyes and watched him trudge passed the bed and into the bathroom. He later came out in just flannel pajama bottoms. "Some party." I started just to make light conversation.
"Uh-huh." Michael nodded and pushed me over to lay down under the covers.
"Michael," I said. "Can we talk?" I asked. He just mumbled something I quite didn't understand. "What?" I asked.
"I said I'm tired and I want some sleep! Can you give me that please!" He snapped. I just swallowed the lump in my throat and got up to undress and put on my sweats and a tank top.
I didn't even bother getting back into bed. I just walked out of the room without looking back. I heard a loud sigh. But I kept walking. I got to the door and slipped on my furry boots and a small sweater. Opening the door the wind bit at my face. The crisp night air cooling my burning lungs. I walked all the way to Central Park and sat on one of the benches. I heard the rustling of leaves as the wind whispered by, the grumbling of cars in the distance and my shallow breahting and faint heartbeat. Well, I thought I had heard a heartbeat. Maybe I was just sleep deprived or something. Maybe I was going insane. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I was never sure about anything. Never. Not even when I married Michael was I sure I wanted to. Now I look back, if I knew that this would happen I wouldn't have. But no one really knows that future except God. But he'd never tell me. Though he was merciful I was a bad sinner, a merciless killer. Why would God love me?
"You are wrong, Phoenix." I heard God's soft voice in the wind. I closed my eyes and felt his words on my body. "I love all of my children good or bad. You are my child and I will protect you and love you when no one does. I will always be here for you. You are my sheep and I, your shepard to guide you."
"Then why do I feel like this! Why do I feel so alone and empty! What's wrong with me!" I screamed to the black sky.
"That is in your nature as the Devil's servent. You feel bitter and hollow. That is what he feels, and there you feel it too."
"So this is all because of him! I feel this way because of him!"
"Then, what is it!" I asked. And that's when God didn't return an answer for me. He was gone. "Answer me!" I stood up and looked at the stars. "Answer me!" I demanded. And when all there was was silence and the wind stop blowing is when I fell down on my knees and cried. "Help me." I hung my head down.
Back at the apartment all was dark. I turned on the lamp near the couch, removed my boots and sweater and laid down on the couch. It was cold. My bones felt fragile. My hair was damp. So I curled up into a ball and pulled the small blanket hanging on the couch around my chilled body and finally fell asleep. And, for once, a dreamless sleep. There was nothing in my head. I didn't wake up crying or sweating or shaking with fear. I simply slept. It was the second most precious thing to me. A dreamless night. And I had been hoping and praying for it to come, and it did.