I walked back numbly. I failed, I thought. I was a failure, a miserable, hideous failure. I was absolutely disgusted with myself.
When I arrived, I saw them all with their happy smiling faces; this made my guilt even worse. Fun Ghoul ran up to me excitedly, practically bursting with energy. A horrible knot twisted in my stomach. "Well?" he said hopefully.
I sank down to the ground and slowly shook my head.
As if seeing everyone's disappointed looks wasn't enough, I felt a particularly sharp pang when I saw the grin slide off Party Poison's face and crash to the floor almost audibly.
There were a few beats of silence. I put my head into my hands, feeling miserable. Grace walked slowly over and put her arm around me. "What happened?" she whispered.
I took a deep breath. "Just...when I asked him about it..." I was aware of how shakily I was breathing. How embarrassing. "He...hit me. Again and again...over and over...harder than ever..." Tears were flowing down my cheeks. Poison stood bolt upright, looking murderous, but Kobra pushed him back down. "I'm...I'm so sorry!" I continued as if nothing had happened.
"What are you apologizing for?!" Jet said angrily. I looked up at him tiredly. "It's not your fault!! It's that stupid douchebag of a boyfriend's fault!"
"Yeah," said Ghoul. "Just think: Once we have this information, nothing will stop us! We'll get revenge on that bastard, just you wait!"
"We'll be a force to be reckoned with, that's for sure," Kobra remarked.
"If only he had hair," sighed Grace longingly. "I bet we could think of dozens of ways to braid it..."
Party Poison only gave me a smile, but this was just as reassuring as the words of the others, if not more so. The smile made my insides perform a backflip that was so familiar (and so seemingly benign) that I almost didn't feel it. Almost.
So, with everyone reassuring me, the rest of the evening was devoted to cheering me up. There wasn't much they could do, seeing as we were on the run and we had a very limited supply of shit food, but it was actually more fun that way. Grace taught me how to do French braid and fishtail braid, and we spent hours doing each other's hair. I argued with Poison for a while about whether or not zombies exist (HOW can someone believe in that shit?!), while Kobra watched us with an expression that was almost...smug? I ignored this.
After that, Poison, Grace, and I were delegated to firewood duty, so while we collected firewood, we kept up a long conversation about the world before BLI. It was quite interesting to hear about all these "iPods" and "That's what she said jokes" and "Pokémon." My life will never be that uncomplicated.
When I went to bed, I had made my mind up.
I would not fail again.
But I did. Again and again I pestered him about it, and again and again he hit me. Bruises were blooming all over my body, and I scarcely had the energy to do anything anymore.
Every day when I returned, I tried to tone down my sufferings. Make it seem like I wasn't being hurt as much as I really was. I didn't want to worry them, but this came at the price of ten thinking I wasn't trying. Sometimes I thought I saw Ghoul and Kobra whispering to each other and shooting glances at me. They stopped only when Poison fixed them with his murderous stare, which I found odd. Sometimes I felt like Poison saw right through me.
The days stretched into weeks, and I began to lose hope. I was his punching bag and his whore. I never was and never will be anything else to him, but I had to be or I'd never free all those poor Killjoys.
With these thoughts racing through my head, I thought one night as I flopped down on the pillow, I'll never get any sleep.
Sweetheart Gift... he murmured, leaning in. I love you...
I love you too, Party Poison, I said. He leaned in even further so our faces were only millimeters apart. Suddenly, my whole world burst into color: green grass spread across the ground, and the trees that had long ago lost their leaves blossomed. Colorful things... What was that word again? I thought.
Flowers. Flowers bloomed everywhere and started falling from the overcast sky. Gerard cupped my face in his hands so I could see every detail of his immaculate face: the flecks of green and brown in his hazel eyes, wild and uncertain; his smooth skin and the freckles by his left eye; the way his skin stretched over his prominent cheekbones...Our noses were nearly touching...His eyes slid shut, as did mine...I felt him leaning in to finally gently press his soft lips to mine...
There was a scream, and my eyes snapped open. Poison was standing there, suddenly several meters away, with an expression of horror on his face. My beautiful wonderland of green was now on fire, and the sky was black. Poison started coughing blood...no, no, no...
I ran to him, but somehow he was always just out of reach...suddenly, he fell to the ground, and there was my Korsie. He was laughing shrilly, as though killing Poison was the most hilarious thing he could think of. He spoke:
Isn't this great, Gifty? Now we can be together!
And suddenly, all around me were the bodies of Fun Ghoul, Jet Star, Kobra Kid, Grace...hundreds of others whose names I did not know...
Korse started towards me, still grinning. Isn't this wonderful?! I stared at him and shook my head.
He raised his hand and smacked me across the face. He slapped the other side with the back of his hand. Back and forth, back and forth whipped my head, and he continued his cruel laughter:
We'll be together forever!
I sat bolt upright, breathing hard. Pausing for a moment, I took in the scene around me.
Ghoul was on watch, but he looked like he was trying to stay awake more than anything, so he wouldn't have noticed me. Poison was next to me, laying very still, but for some reason I didn't think he was asleep. Grace, on the other hand, was snoring. I secretly hoped I didn't sound like that when I slept.
Then it hit me.
Wait...was I just dreaming about...Poison?
What the hell does that mean?
Why did I think about him constantly? Why did my heart spaz out when he was within a foot of me? Why did I break out in goosebumps when he touched me? And why was I just dreaming about him?!
I rubbed my temples, trying to clear my head. A slightly ragged voice said to my right:
I jumped at the sound of his voice. He sat up so he was even with me. So he wasn't asleep after all. "Yeah, just..." I sighed. "I don't know."
"Seems to happen to me a lot, doesn't it?" I said, thinking of that one night.
"Yeah..." he said. "Well...I just want you to know..." I turned and looked at his eyes, and my heart took off (why?!). "I still believe in you. And don't think for one second I believe he's not hitting you, because I see your bruises. They might not, but I do."
I had the feeling he wasn't just talking about the bruises on my skin. We stared into each other's eyes for at least another minute, and when his eyes slid down to my lips, I had the strangest desire to slam my lips into his, to wrap one arm around his skinny waist and twine the other hand into his bright red hair, watching it get tangled on my fingers-
"Well, g'night," he said abruptly and laid back down, leaving me alone to my very confused thoughts. I barely heard my own head hit the pillow. I tried to sort out every little thought that ran through my head about my dream, and Party Poison, and Korse, and Party Poison...
After about another hour of listening to Grace's snores, I was sure of one thing.
Today would be the day. I would not fail today.
And I would just like to say that YES pokemon black was, in fact, amazing. And yes, I did beat the whole game in 10 days. Be jealous of my skillage.
And also OMG WHY DO MY OWN CHARACTERS MAKE ME WANT TO STAB KITTENS ARGHHH. sorry this chapter was kinda sadd...oh well. I've finally written the ending!!! Applause for me!!! Ooooh you guys are gonna love it...;D
So, instead of writing that oneshot I promised, I decided to do more work on that frerard I've been working on. It's coming along, although it won't be up as early as I thought. Do you know why? I have seven projects.
Let me say that again: I have SEVEN (!!!) projects. SEVEN. SIX PLUS ONE. FIVE PLUS TWO. TEN MINUS THREE. SIEBEN SIETE SEPT SHICHI = WAAAAAY TOO MANY. I swear my stupid fucking teachers make me want to fucking stab some fucking kittens.
So obviously I can't write a frerard, keep updating this, AND do seven projects. So I have to pick two. And I would love to pick the first two, but unfortunately, apparently education is important, gotta go to college, blah blah blah... No one gives a shit...meh. So it will be up by mid June. I say mid June because the first ten days of June I'll be in fucking DEUTSCHLAND!!!!!! AAAAA SOOO EXCITED!! I won't have Internet there tho...but I'll talk more about that as the date arrives.
Sooo yeah. That's about it. Byeee!!!