It was my last night of preforming. Mikey would be going on tour with them to Europe. Though I wasn't going to spend that night in tears. I rocked that bass unlike anyone else ever had before. I danced and jumped from one end of the stage to the other. (It was definitely one of the funnest nights of my life.)
Afterwords we went out to a big five-star restaurant and ate.
"Soo...Aria." Gerard started to say.
"Hm?" I said before popping another ravioli in my mouth.
"These past few months you've been talking about Tangier-"
"I was wondering if maybe I could go back with you...and maybe just stay for a few days?"
I nearly spit out the sip of diet coke I had just taken.
"Yes!" I coughed from swallowing too fast, "of course!"
All the guys were laughing at all my excitement.
"Ek! This is going to be so exciting! I'm so happy that all my family can meet you!" I was hopping up and down I my seat.
The next day I had a very emotional goodbye with all the rest of the guys, though I was, of course, the only one crying my eyes out.
We stepped out of the cabin as we were approaching the dock, "Here we are!" I said happily, breathing in the sweet, salty air of Tangier. Even though Gerard was wearing some super-hot sunglasses, I could tell he was wondering what the shit those crab houses were. I explained little things about the island, though I had talked about it the entire plane ride to Baltimore; he listened to every bit.
My parents came to pick us up in our car; Gee was still looking around everywhere. We got to my house and I unpacked (in between monstrous hugs from my family) while Gerard got comfortable with everything.
After eating dinner and unpacking, it was a bit too late to do anything. We sat around and watched TV until Mom and Dad had already gone to bed.
"What now?" I asked.
He shrugged, "I don't care."
I peeked out the window, "wanna go on a walk?"
"At 12 a.m.?" he asked.
"Yeah," I smiled, "come on."
Gerard picked up his black hoodie and we proceed out of the door.
The full moon was shinning brightly, making the whole sky lite up. We could hear the waves crashing into the shore at the beach, could it have gotten anymore perfect? There were no bugs or creepy mutated insect type things because of all the wind. There weren't even any of the weirdos out, just occasional cat walking across the street.
We pretty much walked in silence until we reached one of the bridges, then we stopped.
I shivered, "oh the glory of being cold natured. Its August and I'm freezing."
"Here," he smiled and pulled off his black hoodie and handed it to me.
"Thanks," I smiled, then slipped it on. It smelled lovely...it smelled like Gerard.
Moments like these were hard-- when I wanted so bad to kiss him, but I knew I couldn't. I wondered if I would ever be able to be able to kiss Gerard. I knew pretty strongly that I wouldn't. But I couldn't help but think about it. Gerard looked like he had very kissable lips... I laughed to myself...this was a strange conversation with myself...
I knew deep down inside of me that I should have given up on Gerard...Well, I had known that from day one, but still...I knew that I needed to let go of him...but I couldn't. I wanted to- but what would my life be without him? I didn't even know if I was ready to let go because I knew that no matter how much I tried, it wouldn't work...
"Don't you have any friends around here?" Gee said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Not good ones. I've never been very close to my...'friends' I'm just...too different, I guess. No one really likes me...I must just a bit too anti-social."
"People should start making friends with the freaks, cause were the ones who grow up to be famous."
I laughed, "true.."
"Heard anything from Lacey...or Ashley?"
"Lacey- yes. Ashely-no." I frowned.
"Oh...Remember that time you showed me that picture of her? Ashley, I mean."
I shook my head.
"And you told me that so many of your friends had left you...-"
"Yes, a lot of my friends have just left me... Good friends that I'd meet- who didn't live on the island...they all would go back and I'd never hear from them again...So now...I don't think I even want to get use to having friends. Everyone who ever said that they were gonna be there for me left. And because of that I've always felt alone, especially with depression. No one understood, and no one wanted to help me...so they just left. I'm taking a chance with Lacey...I just hope she's different. But I think she is...beings I'm the one that she needs... But I would never leave her. I would never give up on her. When I was the one who was depressed I wanted so bad was for someone to be there, to care. To be able to give me hope and encourage me that I could get passed depression."
"I wish I could have been the one who could have been there to make it better. I'd never give up on you."
"I know," I smiled to myself, but then started thinking. Would it have been better if Gerard had been there? But I was depressed over him and Jackson... so it might have just made things more complicated... but what if I was able to just completely let go of Jackson and just go after Gerard. I suddenly started to feel sick when I started thinking about how I completely loved Gerard now. Jackson just wasn't there anymore. But what good has that done me? Gerard didn't even like me back... I had thrown our love away for nothing.
But then a little voice in my head whispered, "its not over yet..."
We walked home with him telling me about the friends he had had growing up until we got to my house. Then we were so tired Gerard crashed on the couch and I somehow slept walked to my bed.
We woke up pretty late, we ate pancakes, and then we thought about going to the beach.
I packed snacks,towels,power aid, bug spray, and sunscreen and we were off to the beach.
"It's so F*ing small!" he said when he saw the short distance of sand, "and were the only ones here!"
I laughed a bit. "Well, we dont have to do much walking...and that's PERFECTLY fine with me. You gonna swim?"
"...Sure" he said like 'why not?'
"I'm not gonna get bit by a crab, am I?"
"I...doubt it." I laughed.
"No sharks," I promised.
I took off my boarding shorts and my tank top. I was wearing my adorable red, black, and white bikini with anchors all over it. (HotTopic ftw!!!!)
He surprisingly took off his shirt-sexiness... We played Baywatch as we ran in epically, then acted like two crazy kids in the water by splashing each other.
After an hour and a half of my trying to teach him how to do a back flip in the water, we gave up and went up to shore and ate our snacks.
When we got home, dinner still had an hour until being done. Beings me and Gerard were exhausted and had beach-headaches, we decided to both take a nap on my bedroom floor...that turned into a good-night's sleep.
When I woke up my alarm clock read three o'clock a.m.
I realized I was still only wearing my bikini and Gerard was only in his swimming trunks- I was surprised Dad didn't freak out on us. I just sat there for a minute...I was happy my headache was gone.
"We fell asleep...,"Gerard laughed groggily.
I laughed too, "No kidding- it's three a.m."
He got up and started to look around my room in the dark.
"You hungry?" I was sure mom saved us some dinner.
We made our way to the kitchen and looked in the oven for our dinner. I pulled out two plates with Parmesan chicken, spaghetti, and garlic bread.
Gerard took one bite and exclaimed, "Damn, thats good!"
I laughed,"Grandma Josephine's recipe."
We stuffed ourselves until we couldn't contain anymore; then me and Gerard moved back to my room to watch a movie. We decided on Spider man, though we didn't watch it past the first 10 minutes from starting many heart-to-heart conversations. We talked about good memories from the tour and more memories from both of our very different childhoods.
A bit before six, the sun began to come up. Gerard,still shirtless, had moved to the chair along the chair against the east wall, but I stayed on the floor. The sun started to peak through my window and soon enough; the bright orange glow was shining brightly on Gerard's chest.
I kept staring at the light. It was so beautiful, especially on him, sitting there absorbed in telling me stories. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I continued to keep staring. I wanted to...touch him. I felt like a vampire, just sitting there with burning in my throat from wanting him so bad.
I finally realized how stupid this was- just sitting there staring. I noticed Gerard had stopped talking. I was so embarrassed. Who knows what kind of expression was on my face...
Then Gerard lifted himself off of the chair and came down on the floor with me. He sat there, his face directly across mine, with the same look in his eye that I had just been feeling. His face was gradually getting closer and closer when suddenly, we heard my parent's door and open and we both moved away from each other as quick as lightning.
My mom opened the door as we suddenly began to take interest in Spider man.
"Oh, Hey mom" I smiled, shoving what just happened,or what could have happened, to the back of my head.
"Hey, I'm glad you two are up," she smiled, "want some coffee?"
Me and Gerard went back out to the kitchen with mom to have coffee. We talked for almost an hour then Gerard went to take a shower. When he got out, I went to mine.
The rest of the day we just hung out and went for a walk around the island. We went to a restaurant for a late lunch and went to go visit other family member's of mine. We were visiting my Aunt and Uncle, when we noticed the sky getting dark outside. We left early so that we wouldn't get caught in the storm.
We walked in silence for most of the way. And for once since this morning, we were alone. The roads were even deserted from the coming storm.
As we reached the bridge I decided to speak "G..Gerard..?" My stomach seemed to do all sorts of flips.
"Yeah?" he said innocently.
"W..what happened...this morning?" a few raindrops hit my face.
He stopped walking, "I..wanted to kiss you," he said quietly, looking down.
I gaped at him, ALL DAY voices have been screaming in my mind that it was all in my head, nothing was going to happen--but he was there admitting it.
"Why are you so surprised?"
"Why would you want to kiss...me?"
"Because I'm in love with you..."
"...What?" I said, so quietly that he could barely hear me, "you're lying Gerard. How could...-"
"Aria," he said, a bit amazed, "I've been in love with you ever since I first saw you." Rain started pouring down
"W..why didn't you tell me?" I yelled so he could hear me. But how? How could he been in love with me all this time? He knew how I felt about him-- he kept me cutting, he kept me crying...Why would he do that? I always thought that he was in love with-
"What about Lyn-Z?" I asked, and a sad expression appeared on his face.
"I still love you, Aria...but have you ever loved someone and then someone else comes along..and you fall even more in love with them?"
"You read my journals. You know thats exactly how I felt about you and Jackson."
"Well, the same thing happened to me,"
I felt a mixture of emotions- sympathy, understanding...and anger. I wasn't sure if I was the first or the second girl, but Lyn-Z was winning...even though Gerard was winning with me.
"I saw what you wrote about me..." My heart seemed to fall. It was bad enough when someone reads your personal thoughts--but talking about it with you? "You said it didn't feel right-" "-Gee, I was young, I was stupid, I've figured it out now-just please..." I pleaded, but Gerard was looking down, shaking his head.
"Aria...I'm not even good enough for you..." Him saying that made something deep down inside of me go off. I got my hand and slapped him across his face as hard as I could, "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" I cried "You know how much I love you, Gee! How could you say that to me?"
He moved closer to me and kissed me. The kiss seemed like everything I had ever dreamed of, but it felt...sad. Then he backed away, "It just doesn't feel right, Aria.
I just stood there, staring at him. From all the rain he probably couldn't see all the tears going down my face. What was I supposed to say to that? What was I supposed to say when he was here just telling me no? When he was telling me that he didn't want me- he picked Lynz over me, even though I picked him over Jackson. I got dizzier and dizzier, until I let it take over me. Because I couldn't take the world any longer.
I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the Epilogue up-- this week is going to be crazy busy! I've got a bunch of things to do to get ready for prom, I have to decorate for prom, then I have to go to prom xD (me and my 'bf' are going with a Helena theme ftw!) soooo....hopefully next week :B Sorry to keep you waiting so long for this chapter :/