Gerard comes to terms with what he said. rubbish really.
Oh shit. Did I really just say that? Stupid Gerard stupid. Mikey was just starting at me. He didn`t look disgusted or anything (we were raised better than that) and to my surprise he didn`t even look that surprised. I opened my mouth to say something but my mouth was so dry nothing came out.
“M…mikes...” I eventually managed to croak. “Did…didn`t mean it.”
Mikey gave me something that was halfway between a smile and a smirk. “Frank will be disappointed.”
“W ...what?!” did he just say what I thought he said? Was he implying that Frank was…? That he liked…? Nah, impossible. Wasn`t it? I mean not that I cared or anything. I mean if Frankie was gay it wouldn’t bother me…. I mean he was my best friend and i… I’m confusing myself. I mean of course I love him; he’s my best friend, if you don’t count Mikey. (I know sad. My little brother’s one of my best friends.) But I don’t love him like that … right?
You tell me said the annoying voice in my head.
“No, no way.”
“What, Gee?” Mikey had a puzzled look on his face.
“Nothing. Thinking aloud. You do it all the time.”
“Hey!” he was pretending to be insulted. “You’re the insane one with voices inside your head, not me.”
I glared at him. “Well you know what they say, mikes. Insanity runs in the family.”
“Err Mikey? I’m your brother…so erm err…”
“And I’m happily married.” Way to rub it in.
“Yep you are.” We`d been so busy talking to (insulting) each other that we hadn`t heard Alicia walk in. “Well, you`d better be anyway.”
She smiled warmly at me and sat down on a chair opposite. “And so is Frankie.” And I was happy for him. I was.
That still didn’t explain why I was blushing. I tried unsuccessfully to hide behind my hair. Why the hell did I decide to cut it? “Idiot!”
“We know you are bro.”
Alicia hit Mikey gently on the shoulder. “Be nice.”
“Um well I don’t know if he is happily married. Frank, I mean.”
I looked up. Why did I suddenly feel so happy? Frank was my friend; if he wasn’t happy in his marriage I shouldn’t t be happy I should try to help him, right? I didn’t mean what I said earlier, did i?
No, I’m not…I don’t love…do I?
I sighed. I couldn’t hide it anymore. I loved him. Childish and annoying as he was, I loved him. But what was I going to do about it? Tell him? Ignore it?
How was I supposed to ignore it? We were about to start the world contamination tour. I couldn’t bail.
“Mikey, sweetie.” Alicia spoke in her calm, kind voice.
I bit my lip too try and stop myself from laughing. “Sweetie? Cute mikes.”
“Shut it gee!” wow. Someone was happy.
“Why don’t you go bed? I`ll make sure Gerard knows where everything is.” She continued, as though nothing had happed.
“He’s been over enough times, he should-“
“Mikey, that was my subtle way of saying “get your ass upstairs so I can talk to your brother!” Alicia yelled the last part. I feared I would have a whole in my lip by morning.
“Fine.” Mikey sulked upstairs.
“Now, then. Something you want to tell me, gee?” she smiled.
“You know, don`t you?” I asked blushing slightly.
“Gee, sweetie, I think everyone on earth with half a brain cell knows. Apart from you and frank that is. Hmm…I wonder…”
“I don’t want him to hate me. Anyway he’s happily married and anyway even if he wasn’t he’s not… well you know. And it never meant anything to him. Nothing.” Sadly.
“How do you know that? Maybe it did mean something to him.”
I shook my head. “No. anyway, even if it did once it doesn’t anymore. He doesn’t love me. Never will and never has. End of.” I wiped away a tear.
I saw Alicia looking at me. “I have an eye infection type thing.”
She smiled. “Gee, if the whole music band thing.” She paused to smile at me again. “Hadn’t of worked out, you’d of made a great doctor. “Eye infection type thing” really?”
“Goodnight, Alicia.” I lay down on the leather sofa kicking of my shoes at the same time.
She rolled her eyes. “Night.”
She left me alone in the living room, with nothing but my crazy mind for company. Guess what or should I say who the only thing it could think about was? Great…just great. I sighed; it was going to be a long night.