Michael has an AIDS scare. Brian and Justin deal with the aftermath.
I was waiting for Brian to come home. I knew that he had a doctor's appointment after work although he wouldn't tell me why. I figured that maybe he had a cold or something. I was hoping that it wasn't anything serious. I decided that the best way to find out was to call Debbie. I know that sometimes Brian tells her things that he doesn't think that I should know.
After getting off the phone with her I was stunned. Apparently, Michael told her that Brian had a doctor's appointment and he wanted Michael to go with him. This was bad news because it was so unlike Brian; he always preferred to go to all of his personal appointments alone. Now, because he had had Michael go with him I was worried.
Okay, so maybe I was a little more then worried. What if Brian had caught something from one of his tricks? I mean, sure I knew that Brian always used condoms and he was generally careful. Everybody knows that condoms aren't one hundred percent accident proof.
I sat at home and waited for him to come in and tell me the bad news. I was just a ball of anxiety and nerves. I was hoping that he wouldn't come in and tell me the three words that I was dreading. I didn't want him to say "I've got it."
When he came in, he looked stressed out and tired. He shrugged off his coat and put his briefcase on the chair. He walked into the bedroom without saying anything and collapsed on top of the bed. I cautiously approached the bed.
I knew the questions that Justin wanted to ask me. He thought that I was the one with the doctor's appointment but I wasn't. Michael was. Nobody knew that the appointment was for him except Ben, him and me.
When we had stepped out of the doctor's office Michael was a wreck. His mother's worst fears were about to become a reality. The doctor had told Michael that he had tested positive for HIV. I promised him that I wouldn't tell anyone unless they asked. There was no way that I was going to lie for him.
Justin was standing near the bed. I knew what he was going to ask. I knew that there was a strong possibility that he had already talked to Debbie. If he had then he thought that I was the one that had the appointment and that I wanted Michael to go with me. Justin probably thought that I was infected.
Justin sat on the bed and began to rub my back in small comforting circles. "Brian?"
"Yeah?" I was almost whispering.
"Did Michael go with you to the doctor's?"
I decided that I would tell him the truth. "No, I went with him."
I had no doubt that Justin was really confused. "For moral support."
My answer was barely audible, even to myself. "Michael is positive."
The response that I got to my question hit me like a train going 99 miles an hour. I couldn't believe it. All this time I had been worried about Brian and it was Michael that had the problem. "What?" My voice was shaky. It was so quiet in the room that I could hear when Brian took a breath.
"Michael wanted me to go with him to the doctors because he was afraid that he could be infected."
"How?" The shock that I was feeling showed in my voice.
"A few nights ago when he and Ben were fucking the condom broke inside of Michael. Michael knew that even though he was scared he had to get tested. The doctor completed the tests and the results showed that Michael is positive. He doesn't want anyone knowing yet. I promised him that unless they asked I wouldn't tell."
His voice was beginning to hitch. He was going to start crying. I needed to say something that would make him feel better about the situation that he had found himself in. "It's okay. I'm sure that he'll be fine." I know that this was a stupid thing to say but I couldn't think of anything else. I continued to rub his back as he began to cry softly into his pillow. The cute thing was that he cried himself to sleep.
Brian had been asleep for almost an hour when the phone rang. If it had been anyone else I would have taken a message but it was Michael. As it turns out, he wanted both Brian and I to go with him and Ben when he attempted to tell his mother.
I have to say that I was less than pleased but not all that surprised to find out that Michael wanted us to go with him. I knew that the idea of him having to tell Debbie wasn't appealing. I also knew that it was going to be a disaster.
We went to Debbie's together. I took my jeep; Justin and I were up front with Ben and Michael in the back whispering amongst themselves. In all likelihood they were probably trying to figure out what they were going to say when we got there. I tried to drive to Debbie's as slowly as I could. This worked well; we were stuck in traffic for almost twenty minutes.
When we got there Debbie, thank god, was in a good mood. I had a feeling that within the next few minutes she wouldn't be. I was glad that I didn't look like I had been crying. I hadn't started crying at all that day. It is my belief that I cried all my frustrations out yesterday when I had gotten home.
She let us in and Michael told her and Vic to sit down. This action alone, besides the fact that there were four of us should have sent off the alarm bells that Debbie has in her head. They had been sitting, waiting for Michael to say something for the better part of five minutes while he just stood there. It was pathetic. Since it didn't look like he was going to say anything I decided that I get the ball rolling. I knew that I'd come off as an insensitive asshole but I'm pretty much used to that. "Michael has something that he wants to tell you."
"What is it?"
Michael glared at me. He sat so that he was facing his mother. "Well, um, I went to the doctor's yesterday."
She smirked. "I know that you went with Brian. For some reason he wanted you to go with him."
I interrupted her. "Actually, he had the appointment. He wanted me to go with him."
She looked confused. Michael stood up. I was guessing this was so that he could bolt out the door as soon as the opportunity presented itself. "Okay. So what do you want to tell me?"
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Ben and I had an accident." We thought that it would be best if I went and got tested..."
She was shaking her head. " You're not..."
Everyone could feel the atmosphere in the room change. Her expression changed from pleasant to angry and I had the feeling that I would get dragged in the middle of it.
She pointed a finger at him. "I told you that this would happen didn't I?"
"Mom I know that you were afraid that this would happen and I'm sorry that I'm putting you and Uncle Vic through this. Ben and I will get through this with or without your support. I love you Ma, remember that."
Following Michael's cue we all left.
After we dropped Michael and Ben off at their place we went home. Once we were safely inside the loft Brian dumped himself onto the couch. For the second time that day he looked drained and exhausted. He sighed and leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. I looked at him and realized that this entire event was putting Brian in a very bad situation. A situation that was wearing him down. I slid between Brian and the couch. I began to massage his shoulders; it was there that I felt the tension that he usually kept to himself. As I massaged harder he moaned and I could feel him relax.
I took this chance not to be so nice. I began to kiss the back of his neck. He tried to turn around but I kept him facing the front. I knew that if he turned around then he would want control and that was not something that I was going to give him. I lightly bit his ear and enjoyed the shudder that ran through his body. Just as I was planning to drag him into the bedroom the phone rang. He grabbed the phone and turned it on. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he didn't like the fact that someone had interrupted with our plans.
I answered the phone. "Hello?"
"You stupid little whore." The voice on the other line spat at me.
I took a deep breath. I placed my left hand on my hip as I prepared myself for Debbie's verbal attack. "Debbie, that's an interesting way to start off a conversation."
"I just want to know how someone who has only had a handful of partners ends up sick and the whore of Babylon is still perfectly fine." She was practically yelling. "I just thought you'd like to know exactly how I feel. I wish that you were the one that was dying. Why Michael? Why did it have to happen to him?"
"He's probably asking himself that same question. He believes that the love that he and Ben have will be enough to get them through this. I think that Michael needs to grow up and realize that in this case love as absolutely nothing to do with it."
Debbie sighed. "Brian, I know that you don't believe in love. But I think that it's about time that you start. I know that deep down you love Justin and I also know that deep in your heart You know that the thing that binds people together is the love that they have for one another. I hope that one of these days you quit being such a whore and realize what you're missing out on."
After that lovely speech there was a buzzing in my ear. When she hung up I thought about what she had said. The fact was that I knew that she was mostly right. I also knew that I was lucky not to be infected with some kind of disease. What she said made me think. I know that I'm always careful but what if something did happen? Would I be willing to put Justin in the same situation that Michael was in? I didn't think so.
By the time that I got up, Brian was already up and dressed. He looked incredible. When I made a noise he looked and smiled at me.
"It's about time you get up." The tone of his voice said that he was joking.
"What time is it?"
He smiled at me. "It's time to take care of your morning hard on."
He had his hand under the sheet and he was stroking me. I thrust up into his warm grip; I wanted to show him that I was ready. He began to pump my dick with his fist; I love the way his hands feel when they are on me. He pumped me until I came. Neither of us was worried about the mess. It was time to change the sheets anyway.
By 10:30, I was dressed and ready for whatever the day could throw at me. It was the first day in a long time that Brian and I had all to ourselves. I didn't have class and he had the day off from work. Brian had told me that there was nothing, short of the world ending that would drag him from his loft.
We were just settling on the couch when the phone rang. The night before Brian had recorded a movie and we were going to watch it together. I know that Brian was slightly annoyed by the phone ringing but I also knew that it could be something really important. He was on the phone for what seemed like forever. When he got off the phone he looked upset; I could see it despite his efforts to hide his feelings.
"What's wrong?" I thought that maybe something had happened with or to Michael.
"That was Michael. He was talking to his mother and he has decided that he isn't talking to me right now. Why he want to talk to the uninfected, but apparently deserving it, whore of Pittsburgh?"
I couldn't believe that Michael had said something like that to Brian. I always thought that he really liked Brian; God knew that he was still in love with him.
I knew that the only reason that Michael has said what he did was that he was angry. Oh well. It wasn't like there was anything that I could do about it. I just had to tell myself that I didn't care and what he thought didn't matter.
I didn't need him. The only person that I did need was there with me. I knew that Justin would never blame me for the bad things that happened that I had no control over. I knew that, to a certain extent, Justin understood why I led the sort of life that I did.
I knew that he didn't always understand why I chose to fuck a different guy every night but at least he never told me that he wished that I had caught a sexually transmitted disease. I'm angry, but at the same time I can sort of understand where Debbie and Michael are coming from.
I think that they both think that if I caught something serious then maybe I would think about changing the way that I choose to live my life. The one thing that I didn't think that they understand is that the only reason that I choose to live the life that I do, is that when I fuck a guy I know that the next day he will brag to all his friends about how he got fucked by Brian Kinney. I guess when you get down to the heart of things I am just a sick fuck in desperate need of attention, in need of a love that I don't believe in.
When Brian finished talking I couldn't believe that Michael and Debbie had said that about him. I will be the first person to admit that Brian isn't always the most kind and caring individual but at least he has never told anyone that he hoped that they caught an STD.
I figured that we weren't going to be watching the movie as we had planned. Brian in a way had just lost his best friend. I knew that if that had been me I would have lost all interest in watching a movie. I thought that they had no right to say what they did.
I put my hand on his shoulder. "Brian are you okay?" He was staring coldly at the television as he waited for the movie to start. When he spoke to me his voice was cold.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Who the fuck gives a shit what they think anyway?" Without saying anything more, he started the movie, holding me close. I couldn't help but think that maybe they had hurt him more than anyone else could have. I wanted to help him but I didn't think that there was anyway that I could.
It has been three months since Michael had called me up and was such a pathetic asshole. I miss him; he was my best friend. There is no way in hell that I'm going to talk to him again. Not unless he apologizes, I have a feeling that he will.
The reason that I think that he will is that tonight we have been invited over to Debbie's for supper. I know that she used to be mad at me but I don't think that she is anymore. Maybe she finally sees things from my point of view. Even if she doesn't I figured that it was worth a try. If it turns out that everyone still hates me then at least I'll know where I stand.
We just got back from having dinner with Debbie and the gang. I told Brian that it would probably be a disaster but he insisted on going. Oh well. As it turned out they don't hate him but they wish that he'd change the way he lives his life.
I think that he is seriously considering it. Last night I told him that I was never going to leave him. I told him that no matter what happens he would always have me to come home to. I think that what I said really hit him hard. The main reason that I believe that he will stop sleeping around is that when Michael got infected he got really scared. I think that he realized that sooner or later his habits were going to come back to bite him in the balls. He told me last night that he would probably quit sleeping with other men.
It was completely unlike him. He told me that he had exactly what he wanted. He also said that if anyone had anything to say about it, they could keep it to themselves. The only thing that mattered was that we were together and nothing was ever going to change that.
As for Michael, he is doing well. Both Michael and Debbie apologized for being so mean to Brian. Michael is on medication that will hopefully slow down the progress of his disease.
There are a couple of good things that came out of this mess. For one thing Brian realized that he loved me and that he wanted to be with me. Another good thing is that maybe, now Michael will be able to understand Ben a little better. Ben had said before that Michael would never understand what he was going through because he wasn't positive; maybe this will bring them closer.
I have realized one thing. The thing that everyone kept telling me but I wasn't listening. I love Justin and always will. I don't know what the future will hold but I know that no matter what happens we will always have each other (and I can't believe how lame that sounds).
He told me that if I ever do catch something he will stand by me. I guess that I don't have to sleep around, he won't abandon me. I know that Justin will give me all the attention that I'll ever need. Maybe I am just a sick fuck, maybe that's why Justin loves me so much and is determined to keep me all to himself.