After Gerard Kills himself, Frank realises he never really knew him at all.
He. Was. Gone. He. Was. Fucking. Gone. My Gerard, the fucking love of my life, was gone. Dead. He no longer was breathing. And. I`ll tell you something. It fucking hurt like hell.
“It`s not fair!” I scream, roughly chucking the newspaper I was holding onto the floor. I could still see the article I had been reading.
Gerald way, lead singer of emo cult band my chemical romance, was found dead last Wednesday, after what the police are ruling to be a suicide. The singer is thought to have overdosed on sleeping pills and the death is not being treated as suspicious. The funeral will be held this Saturday, the 13th.
Underneath was a blurred picture of Gerard from early 2002. I pick up the newspaper again, rereading it, I am nearly sick. Again.
“Gerald?” I shake my head in anger and in disbelief. His fucking name was Gerard! I throw the paper into the fire, cursing it bitterly.
“And emo cult band?” bloody fucktards, we want to SAVE people, not hurt them. That’s what Gee always said. [/Bloody Liar. He told people to love themselves, to never hurt themselves, too bad he couldn’t follow his own advice. /]I think to myself, whishing he could have seen himself from my point of view, amazing, talented…beautiful… Sitting down on the floor, face in hands I begin to cry. Not loud, snotty tears, silent ones.
“Idiot, he wanted to SAVE them.” But he couldn’t save himself. He couldn’t save himself from what he was, not anymore. Not alone. “But he didn’t NEED to do it on his own.” We all tried to help him, countless times. He…just…didn’t want it. He was getting better, he`d come of the drugs, stopped drinking. But it was all a lie, he lied to everyone, Ray, Mikey, Bob….even you. The voice in my head sneers at my stupidity. You were an idiot to trust him, to believe in him, to LOVE him.
“SHUT UP!” I yell, waking the others.
“Frank, you alright?” Mikey asks me, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I can see he, like me, has been crying.
“Of course he`s not alright!” Bob speaks in a calm voice, but we know him well enough to hear slight annoyance behind it. “His…boyf...” he trails off, unsure of what to say. Gee wasn’t my boyfriend, but, everyone knew I loved him. Apart from him.
“Gerard`s gone.” He finishes, looking over at me, checking to see if he got the right words. I smile sadly at him and nod once.
“Have you seen this?” Mikey asks us, breaking an awkward silence, holding up a copy of the same article I had burned.
“Gerald? Who the fuck is Gerald?” bob snatches the paper out of Mikey`s hands. “Suicide cult?!” his fists clench around the article so that it crumples slightly in his hand.
“Lying bastards.” Ray grabs the newspaper off of Bob, reads it, and disposes of it in the fire along with my copy.
“He’s only been dead a day, and they`re already ruining his name.” Mikey glares over at the fireplace, where the orange flames are engulfing the paper, burning them until there is nothing left. Good riddance.
The day of the funeral.
“Mr. Way, Mr. Iero.” I mentally curse the reporters surrounding us like vultures. By us, I mean me and Mikey. Ray and Bob were still inside, getting ready for Gerard’s funeral.
“Can we have a quick word about Gerald’s suicide? Does it seem like something he`d do?” I narrow my eyes at a young blonde reporter. GERARD. Idiots.
“I feel shitty. And, no. It wasn’t something he`d do normally.” I now know that’s a lie. He’d been suffering with depression for a long time now, we all thought he was getting better, just goes to show how well we knew him. The Gerard I knew, no, THOUGHT I knew, was a lie.
I think back on all those days we all spent together, just hanging out, listening to music, performing, it all seems so long ago now. A distant memory, one I can barely remember. Part of me wonders if I even WANT to remember. It hurts to remember those happy moments, because now I know they were nothing but a lie. The man I loved was nothing but I lie.