George and Ringo go all out to get John and Paul back together...but will they succeed?
Toffee apples had never tasted finer but George and Ringo were still pondering over what they had heard in the bedroom earlier.
"I still can't believe they're arguing just cos John slept with some slut" George said in mid lick
"What a waste of an iron"
"It's mad, throwing everything away over one mistake"
"Yeah. Paul had no right to throw my Beach Boys B-side away"
"Not the records you clott, their relationship"
"We could always think of another way to get them back together"
"I guess, but I dunno...I sort of LIKE having to choose between them. Paul's being very generous lately, sharing his toffee apples with us" said George, licking again
"And I still can't believe John didn't mind when I broke all the strings on his guitar. But I think they deserve to be together again. They're mad about each other. We need to show them that they love each other again" Ringo said
"Yeah, but how are we going to do that?"
There was a pause, before Ringo flung his toffee apple aside and punched the air in triumph
"I have it!"
THE NEXT DAY
There was still a harsh silence between John and Paul. They were both sitting on opposite sides of the room reading newspapers. Every so often they would glance at each other, then look away and turn the pages in unison. They didn't even notice when Brian entered in a fluster
"You seen George and Ringo lately?"
"No" the two replied together, not looking up from their newspapers
Brian groaned, "don't tell me you still haven't made up"
John snorted, "Brian, kindly tell HIM that I wouldn't make up with HIM if he stuck needles in my eyes"
"And while your at it Brian, tell HIM that I wouldn't make up with HIM even if HE hammered nails in my ears" Paul snapped back
"Oh come on, this is ridiculous. You can't go on for the rest of your lives acting like neither of you exist. You need to talk to each other, it's been three days! I can't understand how you're still mad at each other"
"There's no point Brian" said John as he stood up and flung his paper away, "Cos if I try talking to him, all that'll come out of his mouth is a load of shit"
"Oh PLEASE" said Paul, springing up and also throwing his paper away, "You can jabber on about a load of bullocks till the cows come home!"
"Well at least I produce better songs than the load of crap YOU make up. You sound like you've never made love before!"
"That's rich, coming from a guy who thinks brushing his teeth is FOREPLAY!"
"Oh leave it Brian, there's no telling him. I'm going for a drive. If you want me, I'll be crashed in some ditch somewhere"
And with that, John swept out of the room. Or he tried to, had he not bumped into the door on his way out and muttered, "Shit!" before successfully making an exit.
"I'm sure he'll come around Paul" said Brian reassuringly, "He always does. Sometimes he just needs to-"
"DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR!?"
Paul and Brian ran outside to see John standing in the space where his car should have been. There were tyre tracks leading out of the driveway. They probably would have reported it stolen had Paul not found a note on the floor and read it aloud.
Dear John and Paul, we don't want you guys to split up so we've taken John's sports car. If you want it back, you'll have to come and get it. Love, George and Ringo. P.S We're probably on the freeway by now so GET A MOVE ON!
"Oh my God, we have to go after them!" Paul gasped, dropping the letter
"You can take my car, it's out in the back!" Brian shouted
John and Paul rushed to his car without a second thought but both began battling to get into the front seat
"Right, move over I'm driving!"
"No I'm driving!"
"I always drive!"
"I'm a better driver than you!"
"Brian's known me longer!"
If you're wandering where George and Ringo were at this point, yes, they were on the freeway. George was busy trying to read the map while Ringo steered.
"According to the map, we need to take a right. Then we'll be at a gas station. WHY didn't you fill up before we left Ringo?"
"How was I supposed to know we were a quarter low? This is insane anyway"
"Yeah, making two ex-lovers chase us out into the freeway after we steal their car. Wander who thought of THAT one (!)" George said, glaring at Ringo
It was then that Paul and John appeared beside them, trying to keep up with the speeding car
"George! Ringo!" Paul shouted
"We'll stop fighting! Just give me back my car!" John shouted
"Not until you kiss and make up!"
John and Paul eyed each other wearily
"We're not quite at that stage yet but we've created a dialogue!"
Ringo and George glanced at each other, unconvinced
"Not good enough" Ringo shouted, "KISS!"
John groaned and then leaned across and kissed Paul softly on the lips
"HAPPY?" he called out
"NOW JAZZ IT UP LOVER BOY!" Ringo shouted back, waggling his eyebrows
"YOU CHEEKY LITTLE-"
"OH COME 'ERE!"
Paul instantly grabbed John's face and began kissing him, their tongues chasing each other like cat and dog. John paused before kissing back, the old feeling he'd missed for three whole days. Soon both were so preoccupied, they weren't even looking at the road. The other cars swerved to avoid them and crashed in a heap behind them. They finally pulled away and gazed into each other's eyes as the cars behind them burst into flames.
"I love you" they both muttered in unison, still in each other's arms
Ringo high fived George, "Mission accomplished"
The joy was cut short when the car swerved violently and they began rapidly going downhill.
"WE'RE GOING DOWNHILL! AND MY LEGS ARE TOO SHORT TO REACH THE BREAK!" Ringo yelled
Breaking out of their dream, John and Paul did their best to catch up with their friends who were getting further out of their reach
"DON'T WORRY GUYS, WE'LL SAVE YA!" John yelled as the car went hurtling towards the pier. George and Ringo screamed and clutched each other as the car sped up a ramp and plummeted towards the sea. And it would have been curtains for the two Beatles had they not landed on a cargo ship which was just pulling out of the pier.
"COME BACK WITH OUR BANDMATES, YOU TWO FACED BASTARDS!" John yelled, waving his fist at the ship as he and Paul dived out of the car
The captain of the ship blinked at them before retorting, "The Beatles! Just for that, we'll KEEP your friends"
"Will you turn them Catholic?" John shouted
"WAIT!" Paul shouted, "If you let them go, I promise my manager will pay you well for your trouble!"
"...Nah. PULL UP THE ANCHOR!"
"And give you a limitless supply of Beatles A-sides!"
"...DROP THE ANCHOR!"
"Boy it's good to be home" said George, exhausted from all the drama
"Yeah. I'm sorry I was such a bastard Paul. You're the best thing that ever happened to me" said John
"It's a shame I won't get a refund on that kettle. But what the hell, you're worth every cent" Paul replied
They giggled and both gave each other an eskimo kiss. George winked at Ringo
"Well" said George, putting his arm around Ringo, "All's well that ends well
"Don't you think we should tell John there's no insurance for his car?"
"...Nah" George replied, leading his friend back to the hotel