Sad Frerard One-shot. When Gerard Walks Out On Frankie, Can Little Fwankie Cope? Read To Find Out.
The speakers were turned up loud. Linkin Park's 'Numb' was flooding my room. I smiled. Numb was exactly how i felt. I missed him so much. Without him i felt empty and the worst thing is, it's my fault too. If i was a better boyfriend he'd still be here with me, holding my hand as i cried. But i had to fuck it up and ruin it all.
"Smooth move Frank." I mumbled and sat on my bed.
I sighed and turned to face my window. It was sunny and happy outside. How ironic for me. I was the saddest i had ever been and the sun decides to say hello. It hadn't been a nice day in 3 weeks. I grimaced slightly, got up and strided towards the window. The sunshine was beginning to annoy me with it's warm glow. I pulled the curtains shut with great force, sending my room into a muted darkness. I sighed and realised what a little prick i was being. I guess i just wanted my surroundings to be as sad as i felt. The wind from the sudden closing of my curtains sent the papers on my desk flying. They fell to the floor silently and settled near a jacket on the floor. It was his jacket. I walked over to it quickly and picked it up, cradleling it in my hands. I hugged it softly and inhaled it's scent...his scent. The smell of coffee and cigarettes filled my nostrils and i smiled.
"You have no idea how much i miss you Gee." i sighed and put the jacket down carefully on my bed, wiping a tear at the same time.
I looked down at the spill of papers on the floor and knelt down to gather them up. There were various letters from my parents and photos among the papers that were residing on my floor. I picked up one of the letters and grinned as i read it through. My parents sent me a letter each month telling me of their adventures. They were having a 'Gap Year' as they had never had one when they were young. I remember that i smiled when they told me, i thought it was crazy but secretly i was just proud that my parents could just... escape their lifes and have fun. They are in the Caribbean now, on the island of Tobago. It's quite nice judging from the photo they sent me.I looked at the photo at the bottom of the letter. It was my Mom smiling and holding a small tin of guitar picks. Underneath the photo my Mom had wrote 'For You Frankie, When We Get Back xoxo Mom & Dad'. I smiled. It was 2 weeks before they come home. 2 weeks until i could see them for the first time in a year. I was excited.
I put down the letter and a cleared up the rest of the various photos and such until i saw his eyes, staring up at me from the small photo on the ground. I picked it up slowly and stared into his eyes...those soft hazel eyes. Then i remembered he was gone. He had left me. I saw my own eyes too. And then my face. I was smiling. I looked above my face and saw two sets of eyes above me framed by brown hair. I smiled.
The photo was of Me and Gerard on a picnic with Mikey and Alicia back when life was... happier. I closed my eyes and memories of that day flooded to my mind. I grinned as they consumed me.
The sun was warm on my face and the air was fresh. I laid down on my back and looked up at the clouds.
"What'cha looking at Fwankie?" Gerard smiled as he laid down beside me on the picnic rug.
"Nothing Gee...Just the clouds, they are so fluffy!" I cooed and gerard laughed softly.
"Your such a sweetie Frankie, and thats why i love you!" Gerard smiled before leaning over to me and planting a small but sweet kiss on my lips. I felt my cheeks burn as gerard pulled away.
"Aww! You guys are so sweet together y'know!" Alicia smiled as she walked over to us carring a pie in her hands. Mikey followed her with plates and forks and such. His face was red and i giggled like a school girl. I amediatly went a deeper shade of red than i thought possible. Mikey gave me a deathglare followed by a cheeky smile before sitting down next to Alicia who had perched herself on the log behind our picnic blanket.
"Wow! Where'd ya get this?!" Gerard smiled as he looked at the pie. Alicia grinned and placed it on her lap.
"I made it!" She smirked proudly. Mikey pushed Alicia off of the log and grinned.
"Bullshit Lici! We brought from the bakery!" Mikey laughed as Alicia pulled her self from off of the floor and seated herself next to Mikey. She ruffled his hair and smiled.
"Can't i at least pretend to be amazing!" She winked and kissed Mikey's cheek.
It Was A Perfect Day.
Gerard sat up and digged around in Alicia's bag. I watched him throw Alicia's stuff everywhere. Her phone, keys...weird white thing on a string...and make up on the floor. Alicia watched on in a sort of...'It's funny but i'm ashamed and horrifyed!' Way. I grinned.
"GERARD WAY! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?!" Alica growled as she snatched her items from off of the floor and stashed them in her lap. Gerard pulled a camera from out of the bag and let out a satisfyed grunt. I giggled.
"This. Now Frankie, smile!" Gerard grinned and grabbed me, taking a picture in a disoriented blur. I felt him kiss me on the cheek and i smiled just before the camera flashed. Gerard looked at the photo and smiled.
"Lemme see!" I grinned and took the camera off of him. I came face to face with one of the best pictures i'd ever seen. Gerard's lips were pressing agaist my cheek as i smiled. His face was scrunched up but still looked adorable.
"I love that photo." Gerard laughed as he took the camera off of me.
"Now for a group pic!" He grinned and gestured for Alicia and Mikey to join us. We got in postion and smiled.
"3..2..1...SAY 'MIKEY WAY RAPES TOASTERS!'" Gerard cooed and snapped the picture. Mikey pounced on Gerard for revenge. I smiled as i watched the Way brothers wrestle and Alicia sat next to me.
"Kids those two are." She winked and giggled as Mikey tried to pounce on Gerard again. Gerard was too fast, naturally. I smiled and turned to Alicia.
I put the photo down and looked at the perfect smiles on the paper. That photo was taken on one of the happiest days of my life...and that sad thing was that it was only taken 2 weeks ago. I sighed, picked up the jacket from off of the floor and wiped my eyes with it to stop my crying eyes. His jacket...The only thing of his i had left...
"Oh Gerard! I'm So Sorry!" I cried and fell to the floor in despair. I missed him more than ever now. I had to appologise! I had to say i was sorry for what i had said...for what i had done.
I sat on the sofa and held the small jar of anti-depressants in my hand.
"Two a day the doctor said..." i mused and popped the two small pills into my mouth. Just then I heard the door knob turn. Gerard was home. I had to hide the pills quick as i hadn't told Gee i'd been taking them. I stashed them behind my back, behind the pillow i was sitting on and tried to act natural.
"Aww, hey Honey! I'm home!" Gerard smiled and sat down next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I smiled.
"How was your day?" I asked and snuggled into Gee's chest. He chuckled softly and parted his lips.
"It was fine Frankie, nothing happened at the comic book store that was too intresting. I could use a cup of coffee right about now!" Gerard mused. Without thinking I instantly got up and smiled.
"I'll get you some!" I grinned and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed the mugs from the cupboard and prepared the coffee machine.
After a little waiting the coffee was ready and i went to bring it in to gerard. I walked through the door and set the coffee on the table. Gerard didn't look at and picked up the mug. He pressed the hot beverage to his lips and sipped. The atmosphere in the room was cold and harsh. I was a little scared.
"You okay Gee?" I asked. Gerard turned his face towards me and i saw the tears running down his eyes.
"How Long?" He asked. I was confused and stayed silent. Rage boiled up in the face and he gritted his teeth.
"How. Fucking. Long." He hissed. I looked at him and something in my heart broke. It was the way he was looking at me. He didn't look at me with love...but with hatred.
"I D-Don't Understand..." I breathed heavily. Gerard smashed his coffee mug agaist the table sending hot liquid and porcelin everywhere. A bit of hot coffee scolded me and i hissed with pain.
"THE FUCKING PILLS FRANK. I found them." He yelled but calmy spoke the last sentence. He was holding my pills in his right hand. I fell to my knees and cried.
"I'm sorry Gee! I was gonna tell you!" I cried. Gerard looked at me with cold eyes.
"I thought you trusted me Frank." He spat. More tears fell from my eyes.
"I do! I really do! I love you!" I cried more but Gerard turned away from me. I heard Gerard whimper softly. He was crying too.
"It's over Frank. Goodbye." He sighed and walked towards to the door. He opened it and stepped through.
"PLEASE GERARD! FORGIVE ME! I LOVE YOU!" I screamed in despair. He turned around and looked at me. His eyes were cold, his lip was trembling and his hair was stuck to his face.
"I can't Frankie. And..." Gerard stopped wiped a tear from his cheek.
"...I don't love you Frankie." He said harshly and walked out of the door, taking my life with him. I heard the door slam shut and that's when i realised that he was gone.
"I'm so sorry." I cried over and over again until i could not cry no more. My best friend, my lover, my heart.
I pressed my back against my wardrobe and cried. Cried for Gerard. I only had those pills cause my grandad died...
I didn't tell Gerard that he had died. Maybe if i told Gerard he would forgive me! I needed to try something.
I pushed myself off of the floor and stood, facing my mirror. I looked at myself and sighed. Gerard didn't deserve to be with this. He deserved much better. I was ugly in a world so beautiful. Maybe he was planning to leave me all along and found the pills at the perfect excuse to get rid of me. The only i needed was Gerard though. He was like my oxygen and i've been barely breathing since he left. We had that fight 6 days ago. Only 6 days. I needed to call him, to hear his voice and maybe hear him forgive me.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number. I put the phone to my ear and waited to hear his voice.
"Hello?" His smooth voice answered. I held back a tear and replied.
"Gerard, It's me. Frankie."
"Frankie...What do you want."
"You..Er...Left your jacket at mine." I sighed. Maybe if i could get him to the house i could explain in person.
"Maybe you could come and pick it up?"
"No, it's fine... I'm at Mikey's house and he's got clothes for me."
"Oh....Okay then." My voice whimpered alittle.
"Can't you just come home please Gee!" I cried.
"PLEASE GEE! I MISS YOU!" I sobbed into the phone.
"Look Frank I---------------------"
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
I looked at my mobile phone and cried.
"He hung up on me..." I sobbed and clutched Gerard's jacket. I looked at the photo on the floor, the one of me, Gerard, Alicia and Mikey.
"Maybe it really is over." I sighed and closed my eyes.
Unwanted. Unloved. Useless. All words that described me.
I looked over the the bottle of pills I had on my bedside tabled and sighed.
I knew what I had to do now.
"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!" I screamed at my phone and threw it against the wall across the street. I was out with Mikey, shopping for some groceries. Mikey looked at me with sad eyes.
"Are you okay Gee?" He asked. I looked at him and groaned.
"My phone lost it's bloody connection whilst i was talking to Frank." I sighed and leant on a nearly wall. Mikey copied me and looked up at the clouds. 'Frank does that.' A little voice in my head chirped. It was right. Frank would stare up into the clouds as if he was looking for someone. I groaned and looked at Mikey.
"He sounded really upset..." I sighed. Mikey looked at me with concerned eyes but not for me, but for Frankie.
"Why are you fighting Gee?" Mikey asked. I looked at him and groaned. I knew he'd ask soon.
"I found him taking Anti-Depressants and he never told me....I thought he could trust me Mikes!" I sobbed a little. Mikey put his arm around me and sighed.
"Poor Frank, Been through alot he has this past month.........So thats why! Oh i understand. Gerard... You've made a mistake." He removed his arm and looked at me with a cold glare. I was confused.
"What? You're not making any sense!" I nearly yelled at him. Mikey didn't move and gave me his 'poker face' look.
"Gerard, His grandparents died last month in a freak accident. He didn't tell you cause he didn't wanna upset you. He only told me cause i was gonna help him plan the funeral." Mikey sighed and looked up at the clouds. I felt my eyes widen and heart skip a beat. Oh god....What had i done! Frankie needed me more than ever and i'd shut him out from my life.
"..Oh my god." I breathed and Mikey looked at me.
"You need to see him and fast. Tell him you love him for fucks sake. And hurry!" Mikey said with annoyance in his voice. He pushed me off of the wall and gave me a death glare.
"O-Okay Mikey!" I half smiled and ran down the road. I looked back at Mikey and he was looking to the sky like Frankie. I smiled to myself.
"I can't wait to see him." I grinned and sped off, down the road.
I began writing my note and smiled.
"My famous last words..." I sighed and looked down at the note and smiled. It was done. I picked up the small bottle of anti depressants and took two, just as the doctor said.
"Theres that out of the way...Now time for the end." I laughed and walked into the bathroom. I went over to the cabinet and pulled out two bottles of sleeping pills and walked back to my room. I sat down on my bad and sighed.
"It's the end." I groaned and looked out the window. The birds were chirping and they sky was bright blue. I wanted to remember the world like this. I opened both bottles of pills and emptied them in my hand. I counted them up and smiled.
"23. One for each year i lived." I sighed and popped them into my mouth, swallowing them whole. I picked up the photo of me, Gerard, Mikey and Alicia and held it infront of me. Tears started to well in my eyes. I put the photo down and sighed.
I smiled and lay down on my bed. I looked out of the window for the last time and smiled. The sun was warming my face. I started to feel drowsy and turned away from the window. I could feel my eyelids growing heavier and heavier until they closed.
"Goodbye world." I yawned and gave up on life.
I felt my heart slow and limbs go weak. The empty pill bottles fell out of my hands. I was floating...I was going higher and higher. I could see myself. I was turning paler than normal...And then... Then I saw nothing. It was dark.
In death I found freedom.
I reached mine and Franks house and stood outside the front door. I took the keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door. As soon as i stepped in it seemed...Cold, but i pushed that feeling aside.
"Frank baby?! I'm here! I'm sorry!" I yelled but no-one answered. I sighed and walked into the downstairs bathroom and fixed my hair.
"Gotta look good for when i appologise!" I mused and ran my fingers through my hair. After a few minutes of hair work, I headed upstairs and opened the door of franks room. The coldness was stronger here. I looked at frank and smiled. He was sleeping.
"Aww, Frankie...Wake up." I smiled and knelt down next to Frankies sleeping figure. He didn't respond.
"Frank? I need you to wake up now baby." I tried again, putting my hand to his cheek. I pulled my hand back in shock. His skin was cold. I looked at his face; It was pale...Paler than usual...And his lips... They were blue. And then it Clicked.
"Frankie?! No...No No No...." I started to cry and put my hands around his face. It was like touching ice. I pulled his body down from the bed and settled him on my lap, looking at his sweet face. His body was so tiny and fragile... And i broke him.
"Frankie! Baby! Wake Up PLEASE!" I sobbed and held his head to my chest. I cradled him tightly in the hope that he would wake up and smile at me one more time with his perfect eyes and lips. But i was fooling myself. Frankie was gone; I just didn't want to believe it. I lifted him up slightly and put my ear to his chest, hoping to hear a sign of life. There was no heartbeat. No life.
I sat with Frankie in my arms for hours before finally telling myself he wasn't going to wake up. I picked him arm in my arms and laid him on the bed as if he was in a coffin.
"I really miss you Fwankie." I sniffed and looked down at the floor. I saw two bottles of sleeping pills. I fell to the floor in despair and cried.
"Why did you leave me Frankie?!" I screamed with tears in my eyes and curled up in a ball. My eyes saw a small peice of paper on the floor though the tears. I picked it up and began to read the note that was in Frankies handwriting.
I'm sorry. More sorry than you'll ever know. I should have told you Gee. I was only on those pills cause my Grandparents died. I didn't want to tell you incase you got sad. I didn't want you to be sad.
I'm sorry i was never enough Gee. You should have dumped me ages ago. I was nothing.
I'm really gonna miss you y'know. Even though you don't love me i just want you to know that you meant everything to me and when you walked out i lost all reason to live. I really wanna say this wasn't your fault but in all honesty, if you didn't leave me i would still be here.
Tell my parents i'm sorry.
Tell Mikey and Lici i'm sorry.
Tell the guys i'm sorry.
I give you all of the love my lifeless body contains Gee. My heart, although not beating, Belongs to you cause even though i'm not alive, i'm not dead inside. I still love you Gee.
Love from Frank
I held the note to my heart and cried more.
"I'M SORRY FRANK!" I screamed into the empty room. I wish he could hear me right now. I crawled onto the bed next to Franks body and wrapped my arms around him.
"I love you too Frankie." I sniffed and hugged Franks small frame tighter.
"My heart belongs to you, it always did and always will." I sobbed. The sun's rays started to fill the room and i smiled.
"You're still with me aren't you frank?" I laughed softly. I felt a cold breeze rush past my face. It felt like someone stroking my cheek.
Yeah Gee. I Love You Too. The wind whispered. I smiled. He was always going to be with me, i could feel it.
Was it good? my first one-shot xD please R&R and i'll update my other story soon...how does a week from now sound? xoxo