Desole winds herself in one sticky situation.
The next day was awkward and tense, as I suspected it would be. Oh well, that’s what I get for taking my top off. Gerard and I both didn’t mention it, which was probably best. I don’t know why I even did. I guess I just wanted to spice things but a bit. But acting like it didn’t happen was good because apparently Gerard had been subject to lots of ridicule from the guys. Making a big deal out of it would probably only make the situation worse for him. And pretending like it didn’t happen also allowed us back to our regular cuddling and kidding around.
Which was great because I loved cuddling with Gerard. I mean, sometimes he would just shock me with how cute he could be. Sometimes I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and kiss him, but I never did. And everybody around me is saying “well if you like him so much, go out with him?”. But it wasn’t that simple. Gerard was phenomenal friend material, but I wasn’t sure how he would do in the boyfriend department. He seemed to get jealous easily and felt like he had to be in control of everything. I on the other could not be controlled by anything or any one. I figured that in a relationship we probably wouldn’t mix too well.
And I was scared. I was scared of how much I liked him and how much I cared for him. I’d never felt this way about a guy before. I couldn’t decide if it was a crush or just a really strong friendship-type bond that I had with him. If I did like him, I wouldn’t know what to do. I wasn’t good a relationship, even with people in general none the less a romantic kind. And on top of that there had to be something wrong with him for liking me because I am not a likable person.
But the tour rolled on and we were soon playing a nice little club gig in Malibu. I’d broken my rule about drinking before a show and got absolutely loaded with Gerard backstage. We were laughing so hard that tear were squeezing out of our eyes, but if you asked us we wouldn’t even be able to tell you what we were laughing at. Bert was being his usual douche-bag self and trying to get into some girl’s pants, which was probably what had set us off.
“Hey, will you help me hook this up?” I asked, referring to the back garter strap on my left leg. Gerard steadied himself and began fumbling around with it, making me crack up. I tried to focus on putting my make up on, but I couldn’t help but notice how adorable Gerard looked when he was frustrated with something.
“There! Got it!” he said happily when he finally hooked it to my stalking. I was wearing my favorite white vinyl platforms and white stalkings. I had my hair curled and pinned back and I was wearing a very frilly and very tight white bra. I looked like a pin up girl and I loved it.
“Thank you sweet heart.” I slurred, blowing him a kiss as I finished applying my pink lipstick. Gerard grinned goofily and pretended to catch it in his hand and put it in his pocket. God he was just precious!
“Milo! What are you doing back here?” I perked up when Milo opened the door to the dressing room.
“I’m coming to drag you out onstage. The fans are about to loose it. We got no time!” Milo said, grabbing my arm and tugging me away from the mirror.
“Okay! Bye Gee!” I said drunkenly waving too Gerard. I don’t think I’d been so wasted this entire tour. Tomorrow was going to be brutal, I could feel it. But at this point I didn’t even care, I was having too much fun.
“You are so drunk. Ugh! I thought we talked about this!” Milo said, sounding very frustrated with me. I felt a little guilty. He worried about me so much. He didn’t need to though, I could take care of myself.
“I’m fine!” I said, gagging a little bit and spitting a chunk of bile onto the floor in front of me. Milo rolled his eyes in disgust and marched me out onstage. He left me by the microphone stand and went over to his bass, leaving me all alone.
I looked out into the crowd and felt as though I was going to puke all over myself. I did my very best to hold it in and smiled for them. They deserved a good show, and that’s exactly what I planned on giving them. We barreled into the first song and they went nuts. I loved just looking into the audience and seeing hundreds of thrashing bodies, all moving and colliding in a crazy ungraceful way. The next songs were a breeze. I was drunk and stumbling around the stage. The fans could tell I wasn’t in my head and I felt bad. I needed to stop this, I really did.
During the bridge of our last song, I saw Gerard out of the corner of my eye. He was over by the side stage, watching us. Had he been there the whole time? We locked eyes and I smirked, letting him know things were about to get heavy. I wanted to shock him. I wanted to shock everybody in the room. I wanted people to get offended, I wanted to see them mad. And I knew exactly what I had to do to get them there.
“Okay you guys? You ready to get naughty? I’m about to get really, really naughty for a minute!” I called out during the ending guitar solo. The crowd roared wildly and I grinned from ear to ear.
“Okay! You asked for it.” I said, my voice becoming a low growl. I stepped to the very front of the stage and in one swift motion, I unhooked my pretty bra and threw my hands up into the air, leaving my bare chest exposed to the entire crowd.
They all cheered, laughed and hollered for more. I took a bow and flung my bra into the audience for some lucky person to catch. I glanced back to see the band already heading backstage without me, Milo shaking his head. He looked ashamed of me and I felt bad. Then I glanced over to the side stage to see that Gerard was gone. And in his place were two very burly and very angry looking police officers. I felt my entire body chill when my eyes fell upon them. I locked eyes with the bigger of the two and he just shook his head, looking very scary and intimidating. I regained my composure and strutted off stage to the side where there weren’t officers of the law.
I dashed to the dressing room, hoping to run into Milo or Gerard, or ever Bert. Anybody that could help me evade the law. I didn’t see anybody that I recognized at all though. I was screwed, I was so screwed. I ran into the ran dressing room and I heard heavy foot feet following me. I hurriedly grabbed a blue sweater off of the vanity and threw it over my head in an attempt to cover myself. Before I had ever turned around, the two police men were standing there looking stern and scary as ever.
“Desolé Vogue, you are here by under arrest for indecent exposure and resisting arrest.” said the shorter officer. Oh god, this was some deep shit! I refused to let them see how scared I was though.
“Resisting arrest? I’ll show you resisting!” I snapped, slapping the shorter officer in the face. The taller one tackled me, banging my face into the corner of the vanity. I felt my lower lip swell and start bleeding all over the place. I could taste the blood and it made me want to puke even more.
The officer forced me up onto my feet and dragged me out of the dressing room while the other recited my rights. I was being arrested. Oh god this was awful. I was so drunk I couldn’t see straight and I was being arrested. I felt my still sore ribs ache as the police man forced me to bend over the trunk of his patrol car and booked me in handcuffs. Thank god the press wasn’t around. Last thing I needed was cameras being flashed in my face.
They stuffed me in the back of the patrol car and all I could do was stare. There were bars on the windows. There was a bar in between me and my arresting officers. Bars, bars, bars. I felt like an animal in a cage. I was trapped! I was headed off to the butcher and there was so way of escape! I felt tears boil up in my eyes. I wanted Milo, but he was far away and couldn’t come to my rescue this time. And even if I did call him to bail me out he probably would want me to spend the night in jail so that I “learned my lesson”. the only other person I could think to call was Gerard. Oh jeez, oh man. I had really don’t it this time, hadn’t I?
After we finished playing, I went looking for Desolé. But she was nowhere to be found. I watched her perform and saw her flash her tits at the crowd, but I ran when I saw the police coming. I hadn’t seen her since and I was fearing the worst, as I usually did. And of course, my worst fears were confirmed when my cell phone started ringing. I answered it.
“Would you like to take a collect call from-” said an animatronic voice on the other end. But the voice was cut off by-
“Hey Gee, its Desolé.” she said. She sounded as if she was trying to keep her calm. She sounded like she was about to loose it. I pressed one to take the call, hoping to god it wasn’t what I thought it was.
“Desolé, what’s up?” I asked hurriedly, grabbing the keys to my car just in case. Desolé sighed heavily.
“Oh, y’know…just chilling.” She said. She was nervous. I could hear it in her voice. She wasn’t telling me everything and I knew it.
“Where did you go after the show? I saw the police. What happened?” I asked, heading outside to where my car way parked.
“It’s kind of a funny story, ya see…I um, kind of got arrested for indecent exposure.” She said guiltily. I was mid-way through opening my car door and when I heard those words I stopped in my tracks.
“Your kidding right? Its one in the morning! Oh my god Desolé! Shit! God fucking damn it!” I cursed, kicking an abandoned beer bottle across the pavement.
“Please don’t be mad. Don’t tell Milo either. I don’t want him to know. He’ll be so pissed.” She pleaded with me. Her voice was shaking like she had been crying. My resolve softened and I got in the car.
“I’m not mad I’m just frustrated.” I said, putting the keys in the ignition. “And I won’t tell Milo, you will. You’re gonna tell him tomorrow morning.” I added firmly. Desolé whined loudly and I huffed.
“You’re alright to drive, right? I really don’t wanna stay here all night. I’m scared.” she said in a hushed tone. I felt sorry for her. Poor girl, all locked up with people she didn’t know with no friends or family to turn to.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just ate a big dinner. You won’t have to stay there all night. Don’t be scared, I’ on my way to get you right now. How much is the bail?” I assured her. She took a shaky breath. She was probably running her fingers through her hair the way she did when she was nervous or scared.
“Its two hundred and fifty bucks.” She said sheepishly. I pounded my hand on the steering wheel in frustration and took out my wallet to check how much cash I had on me. And by some miraculous fluke, I had two hundred and fifty five dollars. I sighed with relief and almost did a little prayer.
“I got the money. You just hold on and don’t talk to anybody. I’ll be there in twenty minutes, okay?” I said sternly.
“Okay. Thank you so much Gerard, you have no idea…” she said apologetically. We hung up and I drove half an hour out to the police station in the middle of the night. I walked inside quickly and headed to the front desk where a black women and a few others were meandering around.
“Is this where I bail somebody out?” I asked the black women. She spotted me and walked over to where I was standing.
“It sure is honey. Who are you trying to help?” she asked in a sassy tone.
“Desolé Vogue.” I said anxiously. I hoped that she was okay. What if somebody decided to come at her? What if other inmates ganged up on her? I hated having to link Desolé’s name with the word “inmate”. She had really done it to herself this time. God, what had she been thinking taking her top off in front of everybody? It’s one thing to do that in private, but at a show? But then again, in front of me in a public hotel swimming pool wasn’t exactly private…
“Okay, she’s in general population. Fill out these forms and give them back to me when you finish.” she instructed, handing me a clip board that was so full of papers it was actually heavy.
I took the clip board and sat down in the uncomfortable chairs the had on the right side of the room. I glanced around a bit before filling out the paper work. The entire place was white with the exception of some gray and tope colors here and there. There was a door to the left of front desk. The glass looked thick, probably bullet proof, and there was a coded lock on the handle. This place was high security. I shock the thought of Desolé, scared and alone from my mind and tried to focus on the questions.
It took me an entire hour to fill out that fucking form. Jesus, it was like taking a final exam in high school. My hand was shaking the whole time. I could barely hold the pen. I just wanted to rush back to where ever general population was and rescue her.
“Thank you. I just have to put these through the system and then she’ll be free to go.” said the lady at the front desk I breathed a sigh of relief but it was short lived.
“How long is that going to take?” I asked cautiously.
“About an hour.” she said, her eyes not leaving the computer screen as she clacked away on the key board. I looked at the clock behind her. It was two in the fucking morning already! Why couldn’t this just go any faster.
“Does she know I’m here?” I asked. I wanted to know if Desolé knew that I was here. Maybe it would provide some sort of comfort in that lonely holding cell.
“Not yet. She will as soon as these papers go through though. Do you have to two hundred and fifty dollars?” She explained. I sighed and dug the cash out of my wallet before handing it to her.
“Standing there looking anxious won’t make that clock tick by any faster, sugar. Why don’t you go take a seat?” she said when she noticed that I hadn’t left yet. I sighed and nodded before heading over to the seat I was in before.
I sat there for the next hour, twiddling my thumbs, staring at the wall and watching as occasional hookers and drunks were brought in. They all went through that big heavy door, but none came out. I told myself that Desolé was going to be fine and that soon she would be coming out of that door. What if she was crying? I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think I could bare seeing her cry. What if she was hurt? She just got out of the hospital and now this? I worried for her, I worried so much I was starting to get a stomach ache.
“Okay pretty boy, she’s going through processing. She’ll be out any second now.” the lady from the front desk called over. I was so thankful to hear those words I didn’t even mind being called “pretty boy”. I stood up and waited by the door, pacing anxiously.
I had been so focused on pacing that I didn’t even notice the guards bringing her out. I heard that door open with a weird sounding buzzer noise and I whipped around to see her. She was wearing a blue sweater that was so loose it was hanging off of her shoulders. The curls that her hair had once been in had fallen out and were now just a frizzy mess. Her eye make up was running down both of her cheeks due to heavy crying and her eyes were blood shot and red. The left side of her lower lip was swollen and there was dried blood caked on her chin. She looked a mess and it broke my heart to see her like this.
“Your free to go.” said one of the guard, releasing his grip on her arm. She rushed over to hug me and stumbled over her high heels. She was still drunk from earlier. I caught her in a tight hug and helped prop her up.
“You two have a nice night.” said the lady. I nodded to her and hoisted Desolé up under my arm. I practically had to carry her out of the police station. We walked over to my car and I opened the door for her, but she just stood there. I sighed and scooped her up in my arms and set her down gently on the passenger’s seat before going around to the other side and getting in.
Desolé curled up on the seat in fetal position, her knees tucked up around her chest. I pulled out onto the empty main road. It had been raining. The streets were wet and slick. The street lights were casting an orange hazy glow over everything. It was three thirty in the morning and we had a long drive ahead of us.
“Are you okay?” I asked quietly, looking over at her. She nodded, but then shook her head.
“I’ll be okay. I’m just tired and drunk and hung over at the same time.” she slurred sadly. I frowned a little bit. “Thank you for saving me.” she said, sounding slightly more happy.
“Anytime. You should try and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be hell.” I warned.
“Do you hate me?” she said sheepishly. I glanced over at her and sighed.
“No, I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you. I love you.” I confessed, even though I knew she would just take it as a friendly sort of love.
Desolé nodded, but sat up a little bit and scooted over to me. She rested her head on my shoulder and looped her arms through mine so that her hand was resting over my chest. I tried to control my rapidly rising heart rate because I know she could feel it. But then she sat up a little more and buried her face in the crook of my neck. Suddenly focusing on my driving became exceedingly difficult. I felt her turn her head so that she was facing my neck. My heart was pounding and there was no stopping it now. I felt the my skin chill as the tip of her nose and her lips brushed against my neck. Was she…? No, she couldn’t be.
Oh, but she was. I felt her lips purse outward until they were in contact with my throat. What this was, I had no idea, but I wasn’t about to stop it. Her lips pecked and smoothed over the skin of my neck, giving me goose bumps everywhere, until she reached up to my cheek. She kept kissing me, over and over. I tried not to think about how soft her lips were because I was afraid I would get us into a wreck because of all this distraction. I fought the urge to turn my head and have our lips meet with all my strength.
“I love you, too.” she said, her mouth still pressed to the side of my face. She was drunk, she was so drunk. And she was exhausted. I knew that that “I love you” wasn’t real, not matter how badly I wanted it to be. It wasn’t and probably would never be. And as much as I wanted to, I wasn’t about to take advantage of her in this state.
“Desolé, buckle your seat belt. Come on, your gonna get us into an accident.” I said firmly, despite how badly I wanted to just kiss her with all I had. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. I never got what I wanted.
Desolé didn’t move though, so I very gingerly pushed her back into the passenger seat with my right hand. She didn’t even seem to notice what she had just been doing. She curled back up like a little alley cat and then started crying. I looked over at her, concerned and full of stress to see tears just pouring from her eyes. I reached over and wiped them away with my thumb as best I could while I was driving.
“Sh, honey, sh. You’re okay. You’re with me, you’re safe. I won’t eve let that happen to you again.” I cooed to her quietly. She took my hand in hers and gripped it tightly in between her fingers. She kissed my fingers and shut her eyes before falling asleep.