Categories > Celebrities > Good Charlotte > A love Lost

A love Lost

by queen_misery 2 Reviews

Benji is looking for his dad, Billy is a prostitute. I suck at summaries..please r/r

Category: Good Charlotte - Rating: PG - Genres: Romance - Characters:  - Warnings: [R] [X] - Published: 2006/05/27 - Updated: 2006/05/28 - 4331 words

Disclaimer: don\'t own Good Charlotte (wish i did) this never happened its all fake - not real\n\n_________________________________________________________________\n\n~Billy\'s POV~\n\n\nI walk into the bar to get out of the cold night air, its 3AM and I just finished my work for the night and decided to have a few drinks before heading back to my hotel room, it was a slow night tonight cause there hadn\'t been many customers which means I have very little money for food tomorrow and probably be sleeping on the streets again tomorrow night if I don\'t get enough money to pay for a hotel room. I guess I should introduce my self so you know who I am. \n\nMy names Billy and i\'m a prostitute. Some people think i\'m anerexic but i\'m just skinny, I have straight black hair and wear black eye liner and pink eye shadow. ever since I was 16 i\'ve known I was gay. I\'ve been living away from home since my dad caught me and my first boyfriend one night when my parents came home early. He almost killed both of us. He kicked me out of the house with nothing but the clothes on my back and whatever I could fit in my school bag, which wasn\'t much. As far as there concerned they no longer have a son. I lived with my boyfriend at the time for about a month but when his mum found out about us she kicked me out and didn\'t want anything to do with me. something about \'corrupting her son\'. I got a part time job at a Fast food store and rented an apartment in town so I wouldn\'t have to leave him, I was stupid enough to believe we\'d be together forever - but he didn\'t care enough to fight his mother. It broke my heart to know the person I loved most didn\'t love me back. When I left Washington Dc I had barely any money and no place to go to. I met Bert here in Detroit and he offered to clean me up and give me a job as a prostitute, it definetly wasn\'t the most appealing job but i had no money and no place to stay and it wasn\'t like I could apply for a job. I hadn\'t showered in a week and had no way of buying the things I needed so I accepted. I stayed at his place for about a week while i got use to the job and the area. For the last 6 months i\'ve lived on the streets or in motel rooms when I get enough money. I have nothing and nobody in this world who cares about me and I know that won\'t change - i\'m worthless.\n\nI sit down at a small table near a wall and look around the room, theres a few old men sitting at the bar drinking one drink after the other. A couple sitting in the far corner across from me and I can\'t help but feel a bit of jelousy as I watch them. I turn my eyes away and lookk around at the rest of the people scattered around the room at diffrent tables, I look over to the bar and see Julie walk out from the Employees lounge, she usually ends her shift around this time and comes and talks to me for a while beofre heading home I call out to her as she heads towards the door. she gives me a suprised look when she realises i\'m not working. I smile at her and call her over to me. \n\n\"hey billy. how are you?\" shes asks bending down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and a hug. \n \n\"hey jules, slow night tonight so I thought i\'d leave a bit early, come see my favourite girl\" I say sweetly pulling a chair out for her to sit down. \n\n\"aww..your so sweet Billy..if only you weren\'t gay we would make a perfect couple\" she says sitting down in the chair I pulled out for her\n\n\"oh..you thought I meant you? ..sorry\" I say smiling. shes knows I mean her. shes use to me being a smart ass. shes the closest thing I have to a friend in this city. \n\nShe pouts and then kicks me under the table before standing back up again \"i\'ll see you around lil\' Billy I gotta get home. you should come around more often I never get to see you anymore\" she bends down and gives me another hug.\n\n\"yea I know..i\'ve just been busy lately, i\'ll try to see you tomorrow before your shift\" I hug her back and give her a kiss on the cheek. and thats when I saw him..she pulled away and said good bye one last time before leaving, but I hardly heard the last things she said, i couldn\'t stop staring at the guy that had just walked into the bar. \n\nHe\'s wearing bondage pants and a rancid t-shirt. He\'s no older than eighteen and This is probably the first bar he\'s been to. He\'s slender but has muscles, he has a pink patch in his hair on the left side. He flashes a photo to the bartender before asking a few questions, I can\'t see the photo from here so I move closer for a better look at him and the photo. I don\'t know why but i\'m interested in him, there are better looking guys in the bar that I could get without trying --take them home-use them - and dump them. This boys diffrent..I can\'t take my eyes off him the way he sits on the stool looking so defeated as if he\'s lost everything and has givin up any hope of ever getting it back again. He turns towards me and I freeze - those eyes - choclate brown - he has eyeliner on with the tears going down his face to make him look as if he\'s been crying - the lips look soft, kissable with three peircings - I can just imagine how soft his skin is - kissing those lips moving down the jaw to the collarbone....I take a deep breath as if I had stopped breathing. his staring at me like i\'m some cicus freak - which i\'m not far from being - he stands and walks towards me - those hips, the way he walks just thinkin of what he would look like under me makes me shudder in total ecstacy. He stands in front of me and shoves a photo in my face. \n\n\"have you seen this man?\" he asks\n\nHis voice is soft like an angels - he tries to talk tough but you can tell his gentle, soft and innocent. I\'m almost drowning in those eyes this close. I don\'t know how long I was staring into his eyes, but he obviously got angry when I didn\'t reply. he waves the photo in my face and asks again.\n\"Hello?...have you seen this man around here?\"\n\nI blink and then realize what he was asking me, I take my eyes off him and try to focus on the picture. It\'s of a man in about his forties he doesn\'t look anything like this boy. not that I can see. I\'ve never seen him before. \n\n\"uhh...no sorry\" I say stattering, I can feel my cheeks burning as I look down at my shoes trying to hide the fact that i\'m blushing.\n\nI look back up at his face and see his eyes full with tears. He turns away from me and starts walking towards the door. shaking his head sadly and muttering under his breath quietly as he leaves. \n\nI watch him leave and try to think of something to call out to stop him but no words come out. how can I just let him walk away like this? his everything i\'ve ever wanted - I know I don\'t know anything about him, I don\'t even know he\'s name- his probably not even gay, not that he would have anything to do with me. \n\n I look over at the clock and realise how late it is and decide to go back to my apartment and get some sleep in a nice warm bed before i have to sleep on the park bench again tomorrow night. \nI walk out of the bar and walk down the alleyway towards the motel i\'m staying at, I had a rich guy pick me up last night and he gave me a good tip. I\'m still sore in a couple of places but atleast I get a nice bed to sleep in and breakfast in the morning, so I can\'t complain.\n\nBut just once I wish I wasn\'t someone\'s whore or slave. That once I had someone to love me for who I am and not for what I can do in bed. Someone to take the pain away. I\'m not ashamed of being gay or being a prostitute but I can\'t help but wonder what my life would be like if I wasn\'t such a loser and a failure, to have some one who cared about me.\n\nAs I turn the corner towards my motel. I hear something..like someone crying, it\'s hard to hear over the traffic of the night. But, to my right I see a figure on the ground with their head in their hands, rocking softly. \n\nI take a quick look around to make sure there is no one else around before I walk towards them to see whats wrong and if theres anything I can help with. there wearing all black and is in shadow so it\'s hard to see if I know them or not, it\'s probably some drunk fool who\'s come back here for a piss and has just been robbed. When I get closer the person looks up at me and I see the pink patch of hair and can make out the words \'rancid\' on the shirt. He has tears streaming down his face and his make up is smeard and running down his face more. He takes my breath away just looking at him like this. how could anyone so irresistable and beautiful have something to cry over?. I walk over and bend down in front of him, he looks away and tries to wipe the tears off his face and stop crying. But, it just becomes more sobs and he cries uncontrollably. I move my hand up and cup his cheek in my hand and wipe away some of the tears before i even realize what i\'m doing. He\'s skin is so soft. he looks me in the eyes as I wipe my thumb across he\'s cheek smearing the make up more. he looks like a fallen angel who\'s just lost their wings. \n\n\"are you ok?\" I ask quietly keeping eye contact. I don\'t know why but I can\'t take my eyes away from him. my hand is still on his face slowly moving my thumb back and forward gently to wipe away his tears. \n\n\"..y-yea\" he says standing up, I stand up with him and take my hand away from his face, resisting the urge to keep it their. I Just want to pull him to me and crash my lips to his. But instead I stand there looking at him, sucking my lower lip into my mouth and playing with my lip ring. \n\n\"i\'m sorry...I should get going\" he says turning away.\n\nI grab his arm before he can walk away. the streets are dangerous this time of night around here. He looks new to this area so he may not have anywhere to stay.\n\n\"do you have anywhere to stay tonight?\" I ask quietly so I don\'t scare him.\n\n\"umm...no..I was thinking of going to get a motel room\"\n\n\"your not going to get a room this late..most managers will be asleep and don\'t like to be woken up..\"\n\n\"well..I guess i\'ll just walk around for the night\"\n\n\"..y-you can come stay at my room - I-Imean ..I have a spare bed..and I know what it\'s like staying around the streets around here..\" I mentally slap myself for being so stupid.\nI look down at the ground, it\'s covered in bubblegum and various disgusting fluids. I can\'t believe I asked him to come back to my room..I\'m such a freak as if he\'s gunna go to some strangers room. i\'m such an idiot, I shake my head and look up at him\n\n\"i\'m sorry..you don\'t know me..I shouldn\'t of asked\"\n\nHe\'s face looks younger without the make up. I notice his lip peircing for the first time as they shine from the small amount of light in the alleyway. \n\n\"n-no..i\'ll umm..I don\'t really have anywhere else to go..\" he says shyly looking away from me. \n\nI smile. his so adorable. I put my hand out for him to shake \"i\'m Billy\" I introduce myself. He looks at my hand for asecond before giving me his hand. He has a firm handshake \"Benjamin...but you can call me Benji\"\n\nEven his name is beautiful.\"cool..well Benji..the motels just down the road here..\" I say. pointing in the direction of the motel and start to walk.\n\n\"o.k..\" is all he says as he puts his hands in his pockets and looks down at the ground before following me \n\nwe walk towards the motel in silence. When we get out of the alleyway I notice that Benji is staring at the photo he had shown me in the bar and he was whispering something, I step closer to him and realise he was saying \"where are you?\" over and over again. \n\n\"if you don\'t mind me asking..uhh..who is he that your looking for?\" I ask shyly\nHe looks at me and I see the tears in his eyes. \n\n\"he\'s my father...i\'ve been looking for him for months now..I was hoping someone around here might of seen him\" He looks close to tears when he answers.\n\nI could tell by the tone of his voice that it was hard for him to talk about it. He went back to staring at the photo and I decide not to question him about it. He doesn\'t need to give me any explanations, I know how hard it is to accept when you lose a family member..I lost my entire family in one night. I doubt anyone was looking for me, mum refused to stick up to dad, she wouldn\'t even look at me. I don\'t miss my parents though.. I miss my little sister the most, she was asleep when I was told to leave. would she remember me? or has she forgotten about me? who did they get to look after her when they went out to there stupid dinners of a night. who reads to her at night or makes her favourite meal and plays with her? tears come to my eyes thinking of her. I can\'t think about it without wanting to go back home and see her, but I know I can\'t do that, my parents wouldn\'t let me near her. They\'ve probably told her a whole bunch of lies about me, made her afraid of me so if I was ever to go back she wouldn\'t want to see me. \n\nI was so lost in my thoughts that I didn\'t realise we were outside my motel room, I don\'t even remember walking up the stairs. I stop suddenly infront of the door causeing Benji to walk into me cause he was still looking at his fathers picture \n\n\"s-sorry Billy\" he stutters\n\n\"it\'s ok ..it\'s my fault for stopping so quickly...this is my room\" I say uncomfortably. avoiding his gaze, if he knew the effect that bump had on me he would of ran for his life and never came back again.\n\n\"you know...you really don\'t have to let me stay with you..if i\'m in your way at all\" He says backing away from me. \n\nI catch his arm and pull him towards the door \"no Benj...it\'s cool I can do with the company...I need to get my mind off things and I couldn\'t handle the thought of something happening to you on the streets if I have a bed for you\"\n\n\"ok..as long as it\'s ok\"\n\n\"of course it is..come on...i\'m not gunna rape you...unless you want me to that is\" I say \nwinking at him. He Blushes and looks down at the floor nervously. I chuckle quietly to myself before I get the key out of my back pocket and open the door, it\'s pitch black in the room so I turn on the light and am almost blinded by the brightness. I walk in and lay my coat on my bed and walk over to the fridge. Benji walks in cautiously and closes the door behind him.\n\n\"make yourself at home..do you want a drink?\" I ask, my palms are sweaty and my hearts beating a million beats a second i\'m that nervous..I don\'t usually get nervous when i\'m in a room with another man. But with them I know whats gunna happen and know what to do. But Benji isn\'t here to sleep with me or anything like that, he\'ll probably be gone in the morning and i\'ll never see him again. maybe if we get along we can be friends...I almost forget what having a friend feels like, I haven\'t had one since I left my home town in washington DC. My boyfriend was the last friend I had.\n\n\"a water would be great\" he says sitting on the single bed closest to me. I pour him a water and hand it to him.\n\n\"thank you...\" he says. it\'s so awkward you could cut the tension with a knife. \nafter a few moments of silence and watching him drink the water I decide to ask a few questions, I can\'t handle silence. \n\n\"so how old are you?\" I ask leaning against the kitchen bench, it\'s one of those small hotel rooms where the kitchen, dining room and the beds are all in the same room.\n\n\"i\'m seventeen...you?\" he asks quietly glancing towards me.\n\n\"nineteen\"\n\n\"you look older\" he says putting the empty glass on the night stand.\n\nI smile \"I know..it\'s great when I can get into bars and drink without getting asked for I.D\"\n\nHe laughs \"yea...your lucky\"\n\n\"so ..whats your favourite song?\" I say pointing to his shirt\n\n\".huh?..ohh..theres to many I couldn\'t pick. I love all rancid songs..whats your \nfavourite song by silverchair?\" He visibly relaxes as we start to talk about music, and the tension in the room is much less.\n\n\".. would have to say ..freak..but I like them all\" I say \n\n\"yea there a good band\"\n\nI pour myself another drink of orange juice and give him another water.\n\n\"so...why do you want to find your dad?\" I ask cautiously not sure how he would react to me asking such a personal question.\n\nHe stays silent for a minute just staring down into the glass of water I gave him, I didn\'t think he was going to reply but after a deep breath he began quietly. \"well...he left us a couple of months ago and I was glad he was gone..but I really just want him to admit to what he did to my brother and go to jail for it...I didn\'t even know it happened till two months ago\" he says angrily keeping his gaze on the glass of water. \n\n\"ok..sounds pretty bad so I won\'t force you to talk about it...but i\'m here if you want to talk\" I say sitting next to him. He\'s so beautiful. I wish I could take the pain out of his eyes. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. \"thanks Billy...I barely know you and I already feel comftorable around you...it\'s like i\'ve known you for years..\"\n\nI put my arm around him for a second and give him a short hug \"I know what you mean...I don\'t usually talk to anyone on the streets when i\'m not working\" I look at the floor..I wasn\'t prepared to tell Benji what I did for a living, things were going well with him and I didn\'t want him getting the wrong idea and thinking I only brought him back here for a fuck.\n\n\"so where do you come from?\" I ask changing the subject. \n\n\"I live in washington DC with my brother\'s, sister and mom\" he says\n\n\"really? I use to live their a couple of months ago\" I say sadly not taking my eyes off the floor, that purple stain just got very interesting.\n\n\"why did you leave?\" he asks\n\nDid I really want to tell him? what if he thought I was sick freak and ran out because I was gay? He doesn\'t seem like he would but I never thought my dad would mind either.\nI decide to tell him the whole story, it\'s better him finding out now and hating me, then waiting till we become close friends and then have him hate me..not that there was a chance of us coming close friends he\'ll probably leave in the morning to look for his dad and never even think of me again. Things never go the way I want them. \n\nWhen I finish telling him about my dad and ex-boyfriend and moving here he doesn\'t say anything, just sits there.\n\n\"yea..well I guess your probably gunna jump up any minute and run out saying what a \nsick bastard I am for being gay\" I sigh, I get up off the bed and walk into the kitchen.\n\n\"what? why would I do that?\" he says looking at me with a confuced look on his face \" ...actually..umm..i\'m gay to...\"he says quietly.\n\nwhat? oh my god is he serious? the perfect angel and he tells me he\'s gay..I just want to jump on him and kiss him. but I don\'t know if he likes me or not..probaly not - i\'m only good for one night stands where the people are to drunk to remember me the morning after. He might even have a boyfriend back where he lives..I don\'t know.\n\n\"so how long have you known?\" his cheeks are bright red and he looks to the floor as he asks. It\'s so cute, the way he\'s playing with his hands and looking at the floor and glancing up at me when he thinks i\'m not looking.\n\nI move back over to the bed and sit next to him. \"i\'ve known since my sixteenth birthday..my bestfriend kissed me and I sorta knew ever since then\" It was my first kiss, other than my girlfriend at the time lindsay. Tony was my bestfriend. I would of died for him.\n\n\"was it a guy or a girl?\" He asks \n\n\"it was a guy..he was the one my dad caught me with about a month after we got together..it was the first time we made love..\" I say. I was so happy that day at school. All I wanted to do was go home and be with him cause we had the night to ourselves. After we put sarah to bed. I remember everything about that night. It was amazing till my dad came home.\n\n\"...so..you\'ve been with another guy before?\" He asks Blushing\n\nI could tell with the way he asked that he was still a virgin..atleast with a male anyway. I didn\'t know if he was ever with a girl..and I don\'t think I really cared..he\'s gay thats all that matters.\n\n\"yea..i\'ve been with a few\" it\'s more than a few..but i\'m not sure Benji would care to know how many the actual number was.\n\n\"have you been with anyone?\" I ask queitly, He was quiet for a while and I wasn\'t sure he was going to answer. But finally he turned and looked at me and smiled shyly. \"no..no I havent...I know this sounds a bit stupid but I want it to be right..right person right time..\"\n\n\"it doesn\'t sound stupid at all, I wanted that too...I thought I was gunna spend the rest of my life with Tony..pretty stupid since we were so young..but..I was stupid enough to believe it\"\n\n\"it wasn\'t stupid..i\'m sure he felt the same way...it was just the parents who stuffed it up for you two...i\'m sure he misses you\"\n\n\"yea..right..he\'s not even gay any more...I went around he\'s place to say goodbye a week after we broke up and saw him kissing one of the girls from school...\" tears fall from my eyes as I remember. I\'ve never told anyone about that before...I can\'t stand to think about it, he moved on so quickly. For all I know he was with her the same time he was with me. he probably didn\'t even love me at all.\n\n\"you should of spoken to him and found out the truth, that kiss might not of meant nothing..\"\n\n\"yea..look it\'s getting late...I think I might go to bed\" I say standing up and walking over to my bed.\n\n\"i\'m sorry..I really didn\'t mean to upset you...\" he says\n\n\"you didn\'t ok..it\'s fine..I just ..it\'s hard thinking about it you know\"\n\n\"yea sorry\" he whispers looking down at the floor \n\nI take off my shirt and pants and climb into bed in only my boxers.\n\n\"goodnight\" I say turning off the light on the bedside table.\n\n\"goodnight\" he whispers as I watch him climb into bed and turn his light off. \n\n\n_________________________________________________________________\n\nTBC\n
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