hospitals, drugs, alcohol and bridges.
As I stumble down the street, almost falling on my drunken ass, I shout to the birds and the worms even snails.
“Wha d yoooo want?” I kicked the snails sorry ass out of my way. “Why shud I c-care about suum fuckin’ snaaail when noooo one caresss fur me!” that's when I fall into the road. I can't be bothered to get up so I just lie there in the dark.
I wish a car would come and not see me! Kill me. I wish this fucking excuse of a life would end. A car swerved around me. I would have ended this before. But the booze I drank was so comforting. I wish I had some now.
Another car swerved around me, just this time it's a little too late and crushes my foot under the rear tyre. But they drive off as I scream in agony.
“Why don yoooo jus come back an finish me?” I scream at it. Hoping it would be the last thing I see.
I close my eyes and start to cry. All I can think of is him. I should have known that he wouldn’t love me. He probably never did. I was nothing to him. I always care too much. And I always get hurt. I loved him I really did.
I manage to pull myself up and out of the road. I stagger to the park, so alike the one I use to meet Frank in. This one had a bridge. I would make that bridge bring me my end.
I climb onto the railings and shout more abuse to the world and then I let myself fall. I fall and fall until I meet the water below.
~ Frankie's POV~
I had figured that Gerard must be staying in the only hotel in this town.
I walk confidently into the reception, already planned what I would say to my Gee when I saw him.
`I'm so sorry Gee I wish I could have stayed somehow, but my parents took me and I had no one to stay with but seeing you made me realise how much I still love you. I never stopped loving you and I still want to be with you.`
That was my plan.
“Hello, can I help you?” The woman behind the desk asked me.
“I was looking for a friend that I just found out is in town, can you tell me if he’s staying here?” I hoped she would tell me where he was because otherwise I'm screwed.
“Of course, what the name?” she typed something into the computer.
“Gerard Way.” I inform her and she looks up from the screen.
“Oh, he was admitted into the hospital early this morning. He is still there.” She looked at some papers. “I’m sorry, is there anything I can do?”
“Um, I just wanted to see him. You see, I got kicked out of my house earlier and I was gonna ask if I could stay with him.” I say looking at the floor. My stomach like a rabbit on lucazade and smarties.
“Well, I shouldn’t really do this, but I’ll give you his room number and a key and I’ll let you stay there at least until he is back.” She handed me a key and told me the room number.
“Thank you so much.” I turn and go to the room, dragging my suitcase behind me.
When I rush into the room I stop. All I see is empty beer cans and vodka bottles.
“Oh shit Gee. Not again.” I remembered the last time he had gotten drunk.
It was not pretty. He had almost gotten run over because he was running around in the garden and decided to run across the road. Luckily he had failed at jumping over the gate and fell on his face. I dragged him back into his house and locked the door before any worse damage could be done.
This was terrible. I saw a note taped to the bathroom door.
To those who this maters
It was very mess writing, he must have write this after all the alcohol he had drunk.
I will be dead wen u reed this.
I hate my live and I want to die.
I loved a boy that ran away and he is now with some girl
He was called Frankie and I loveed him and I don't wana life wit out him.
He still loved me.
I picked up the paper and ran out of the room. I ran all the way to the hospital to find him.
“Can I help you?” a man asked from behind the desk asked me looking worried by my breathing. “Are you ok sir?”
“No, I need,” I paused for a breath. “To see,” I paused again.
“Sit down, I’ll call a doctor right away” he instructed me.
“No, I need to, see, my, friend. I ran, all the way, here.”
“Ok, please sit down while I find out what room they are in and get your breath back. Now what's your friend’s name?” he asked helping me to a chair.
“Gerard Way.” I say.
“Ok, he is in room, D4. I’ll show you there.” He walked me to Gerard's room.
“You know what's happened to him?” I ask the man.
“You don't?” he looked surprised. “What relation did you say you were?”
“I’m his boyfriend.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I was his boyfriend a few years ago and I wanted to be his boyfriend and hopefully he wanted that too.
“Oh. Well, Mr Way was found with a large amount of alcohol in his system, he had a broken arm both fractured legs and his left foot was broken pretty badly.” The man told me, standing in the elevator. “He is knocked out until the alcohol is out of his system and if he was awake he would be in a lot of pain.”
“That sounds like Gee.” I muttered to myself. “How long is he gonna be here?”
“I don't know. It depends on his injuries.”
I walk into Gerard's room and see him next to the window. I run over.
“Oh my god, Gerard way, when you wake up you are in so much trouble.” I mutter to him.
“Are you ok?” the man who showed me her asked. I realised I was crying.
“Yeah, it's just.” I sniffed. “All these wired and tubes. Are they all necessary?”
“Yes, that's how he is eating and drinking. He will only be connected for a few days. He should be awake at the end of the week.”
“Oh Gee. Why are you so stupid? You should have just told me.” I mutter and sit down on the chair by his bed.
“There is an office down the hall if you need anything.” The man turned and walked out the room.
And that's how I stayed for about three days. I only moved to use the toilet which was right across the hall and to get a drink from the vending machine down the hall.
The only change in Gee was when the doctors came in to put more stuff in the bags that hung around his bed. They asked me stuff about him. His age, where he was from, how I knew him, how long I had known him. The only question they never gave a response to was when I told them I was his boyfriend. At least they didn’t kick me out.
I went back to the hotel to tell them I was staying at the hospital. The woman was very understanding and said they would leave the room knowing that.
“When will he be awake?” I asked the doctor who came in to check Gerard's monitors.
“Well, we’ve stopped giving him the sedatives. He will come around at his own time now, honey.” The doctor (he told me to call him JD) was very nice and he always told me exactly what was going on. He was even accepting of who I was and when I was crying, he always sat and spoke to me for a while.
“Thank you,” I say. “He’s all I have now. I don't know what I would have done if he had died.”
“Well, I doubt that. He jumped off the little bridge for the old mini-golf course in the park apparently. It's only a foot or two. I don't think it's possible to die from that.” He smiled at me. “What’s that?” JD pointed at Gerard's drunken suicide note.
“It’s a note Gerard left in his hotel I found it when I went to talk to him.” I had read the drunken scribbled words a thousand time since then.
“Why did you go to see him?”
“To sort the mess that is my life out.” I admitted.
“What exactly do you mean?”
“Well, I'm not currently Gerard's boyfriend. I was about three years ago, but my parents got freaked but my sexuality and made us move thinking it would change me. I got depressed, but they didn’t notice.
I was going out with a girl but it didn’t feel right because I saw Gerard and I realised I still love him so last night I finished with my girlfriend and my parents figured out I was still bi and kicked me out. I was on my way to tell Gerard I love him and the receptionist told me he was here.” I Looked at his face.
“And have you told him yet?” He asked me.
“What do you mean? He’s out cold. He can't hear me.”
“Yes he can. He’s sleeping remember. He might hear everything that’s going on around him. He might know you're here. He might be dreaming. But I know you can definitely talk to him.”
“I guess so.” I stood up, wiped the tears away from my eyes and walked over to Gerard.
“Gee,” I took the hand that didn’t have the cast or needles. “If you can hear me, I want you to know,” I paused to take a deep breath, “I love you. I broke up with the girl you saw me with, I didn’t really love her. I love you. Ever since you walked, or fell rather, into my life, I have never loved anyone else. You are my world. There has not been a day that has passed the last three years that I haven’t thought of you or cried over you or yelled at my parents for taking me away from you. What I mean is you need to wake up because I need to hear your voice too.” I kissed his hand. Partly because JD was still there and partly because there were tubes by his face and I was scared to touch them.
I dropped his hand and went back to my chair.
“Thank you, for telling me to do that.” I say to JD.
“No problem.” He stood up. Well, I had better get on with my rounds. If there's anything you need, ask one of the doctors, or me.” He walked out of the door and into the next room.
I sat there for a few hours, listening to the constant beep-beep-beep-beep signalling that Gerard was still alive and his steady, unchanging breathing. Suddenly, he took a deep breath and muttered “I love you too Frankie.”
“Gerard?” I asked softly jumping up and taking his hand once again. “Can you hear me?” I squeezed his hand.
“Frankie.” He sighed and squeezed my hand back. His eyes fluttered and a few long seconds later, he opened them and smiled that smile that always made me melt. “Frankie, am I dead?”
“God no, Gerard. You’d better not be. I just spilled my heart to you in front of one of the doctors. I did not do that for a laugh.” I smiled back at him.
“I know you did Frankie. I was awake, but I just wanted to listen to you then I couldn’t move so I listened to you.” Gerard's voice was weak.
“I’m just gonna go get a doctor for you Gerard. I won't be long.” I squeezed his hand before running out into the corridor to find JD.
“Hey, kid. Are you ok?” he asked when I found him talking to a black surgeon called Turk. He was a cool guy, he came to talk to me sometimes too. We spoke mostly about the crazy she he did in collage and the reasons for my detentions.
“He’s awake!” I said excitedly.
“I’ll be there soon, I just need to go pick up some stuff with Turk.” JD told me.
“Ok.” I ran back to Gee’s room.
“JD will be here soon.” I tell him excitedly.
“Wow, you really did miss me, huh?” Gerard croaked from the bed.
“Yeah. Gee, you wrote a suicide note and- do you even remember what happened?”
“I remember getting my foot run over by a car. But that's about it, fuuck I must have been pissed.”
“Yeah, you are gonna be in shit when the hotel see your room.”
“Shit I forgot. Oh well, I’ll clean it up.”
“Hey there Mr sleepy head.” JD called walking in. “How do you feel?”
“Except from the smashed up foot, the other broken bones, and the fact that I haven’t had anything to eat or drink in how ever long I’ve been here, I'm great.” Gerard tried to joke.
“Well, here you go.” Turk came in with two of the standard hospital meals on a tray.
“One for each of you. I know Frank’s a little broke so we managed to hook you up too.” JD smiled at me.
“Thanks guys. I can't tell you how much you’ve helped me through this.” I hugged them both.
“It’s no problem. We’re just happy to help.” Turk gave us our food and I sat on my chair and as they checked Gerard's monitors, we ate in a comfortable silence.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Gee asked when the two doctors had left.
“I didn’t know what to say, and I thought you had moved on.” I told him, taking a sip of water.
“I didn’t. I love you Frankie. Since that moment I fell out that tree and almost smooshed you nine years ago. And I have never loved anyone more.”
The tubes and needles had been taken out of him and I felt a lot less awkward around him.
“I love you too.” I said getting up and kissing him gently on the lips.
“I've missed that so much.” I told him. Gee only sighed in reply and I figured he must be in pain.
“Does it hurt real bad?” I asked him.
“Yeah, it's pretty bad. Nothing compared to losing you.”
“Gerard, I need to ask you something.”
“Well, you know my parents kicked me out and I have no other family in this country-“
“You're coming home with me if you like it or not.”
“Thank you.” I seemed to be saying that a lot this week.
“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t kidnap you and take you to a different country.” He smiled and put his empty tray on his table.
“I believe for it to be classed as a kidnapping, I must first have a home, and I belong in America more than I do here.” I tell him, tracing my finger along his jaw line and his cheek bones.
“How are we doing?” JD asked walking in.
“Great.” Gee answered. “Um, will I be able to fly home like this?”
“Yep, but we need to get your medicine first. I’ll be back soon.”
“I’m so glad I found you.” I hug Gee gently and kiss his cheek.
“I’m glad you found me too. Thanks babe.” He breathed into my ear reminding me of the last night I spent with him. Only instead of my parents it was the two doctors I have become quite friendly with.
“Hey, I got you some strong pain killers that should help, one every morning. No more. It should last about two weeks.” JD read the bottle. “Oh, sorry.” He said looking up.
“No problem.” I took the drugs for Gee. “I’ll look after them for him, after last night I won't even trust him with the paracetamol.” I looked at Gee sternly.
“Well, I guess you're free to go home now Mr Way.” JD said.
We left the hospital with Gee in a wheelchair and me pushing him along the road towards the hotel.
“Let's go to the park first.” Gee said as we came to the crossing.
“I have a better idea, let's go watch the boats.” I loved watching the boats in the dock.
“Only ‘cause it's downhill.”
“Yep, let's go.” I pushed him down the lane leading closer to the water.