Ever get the feeling you're not good enough for one or both of your parents? Gerard does, and it sucks. Oneshot.
I looked around and sighed. As usual my Dad was disappointed in me. I never did grow up according to plan, and he always seems to think I'm wasting my time trying to reach my dreams. My name is Gerard Way, and I want to be in a band. I want to change peoples lives with my music. But my Dad disapproves, he thinks I'm an idiot; he says I'll never manage it, he thinks my band will never leave the garage.
He used to be my hero; I used to want to be just like my Dad. And now it feels like he doesn't care anymore; and I feel like I'm never gonna be good enough. He wants me to be perfect and I can't. I don't want to be perfect; to me, perfect doesn't exsist. He hurt me; the things he said, the things he's did. Many times he's turned his back on me, and sometimes he denies that I'm his son. It sucks.
I often apologise to him for not being perfect; but I'm starting to wonder why I do that. I'm being myself, I'm doing the things I've always wanted to do and damn it just because he failed to achieve his dream doesn't mean I'll fail to achieve mine! I won't give up, I won't change.
It's almost as if he expects me to go back in time and change the person I became. I was about 13 or 14 when I changed. I was a normal, rather sporty kid and then when I became a teenager I started to wear a lot of black and let my hair grow out. I was always very pale anyway, and the long black hair makes me look paler. I started to discover bands like The Smashing Pumpkins and The Misfits as well as British bands like The Who. I became what people today call 'emo.' Emo had a totally different meaning back then, but yinno; times change huh?
Funny thing is; Dad has never been disappointed in Mikey. Mikey is my little brother, and when I started getting into my music so did Mikey. Mikey would come into my room to listen to the music with me. Dad never said a word to Mikey about it; just me. Even when Mikey said he was learning bass so he could play in my band; Dad never flickered. He was proud of Mikey.
Mom and Grandma Elena were always proud of me though. Grandma taught me to draw and sing; she even made my fucking costume when I played Peter Pan when I was in the school play! And Mom, well Mom is proud of her boys and she's believes we'll do it. She thinks Dad's scared of having to pick up the pieces if it doesn't work out for us.
I don't agree, I think Dad hates me. He's hated me since he found out that I was bi-curious at one point. I mean, after I tried it out I decided I'm straight; but yinno, it's something all teenagers do at some point right? But of course, not according to Dad. It was just Gerard finding another way to disappoint him.
Often I wonder what it would be like if I grew up the way Dad wanted me too. If I'd joined the army like he'd wanted. Would I still be here? Or would he of got a letter saying I'd been KIA? I don't know. But I know that My Chemical Romance will make it outta the garage one day and that when we do; it'll be world contamination. We'll take over; helping people like us to know that no matter how bad things get, no matter how fucked up are crazy they are; there will always be 5 other guys just as fucked up as them.