(#) HarukosSlaveKitten 2011-06-17 01:12:44 AMI really like the twist on this old story.
However, I suggest breaking bits of it into smaller paragraphs.
Also I noticed a few spelling mistakes.
But overall this was a great story. I look forward to day 3.
Author's responsesorry about the spelling errors. I really try the best I can. As for the paragraphs I don't understand it. I would get confused, sorry if that bothers you. But otherwise thanks for liking my story. :)