I hugged him and kissed his right temple. And in that moment, I had completely forgotten about Kevin Macomber.
“Gerard, I…” I turned around to look at Eric but he was gone. Fuck, where did that guy keep running to?
“What did you just say?” Gerard repeated. His voice was now firm and he sounded angry.
“I was going to tell you, Gee.” Now it was my voice that had gone small. “Hart told me not to. She said… something bad would happen if you knew.”
“If I knew what; That Mikey isn’t dead?!” He looked like he was going to burst into tears or beat the shit out of me at the same time. “Damn it, Frank! How could you not tell me?! I lived five fucking years thinking that I killed them and now…Oh, my God.” His voice caught and he swayed a little. I caught him just before he hit the ground. He began to sob into my shoulder. “Oh, my God.” He kept whispering, rocking back and forth in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
“Gerard, you weren’t supposed to find out about this…” I started, but then soon found out that was the wrong thing to say.
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” He demanded, pushing me away. “What’s that supposed to mean?! Was I supposed to live my whole fucking life not knowing?” I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know what to say – but Gerard took that as a ‘yes’.
“W-What the fuck?!” He almost yelled. “Why?! How… Why would… Why wouldn’t anybody tell me! Why couldn’t they keep us together?! What… I don’t understand.” His voice cracked. I couldn’t read the expression he wore, but I could tell that it was a mixture of hurt, confusion and anger.
“Gee, I’m sorry…” He shook his head. “Really, I am… I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so bad. Every day when I knew you were thinking of Mikey I just, I felt so fucking sick. I’m just a horrible person.” He didn’t try to correct me. “I’m just… I’m so fucking sorry, Gerard.” I meant it. I really was. He didn’t say anything, he just looked down at the ground for a while. Finally after what seemed like hours, he spoke.
“Every day…” He whispered. “For five years… I wanted to die.” He rolled up his shirt sleeve to reveal white scars running horizontally on his arms. “Back at the other hospital… When they would roll the needle cart in… I used to take a couple.” I stared at him. “Not for the drugs.” He chuckled bitterly and shook his head, as if the thought amused him in a disturbing way. Then he paused and a thoughtful expression came over his face. “Even though, thinking about it now, it might have been a good idea… They wouldn’t have noticed. It would have been quicker.” He murmured.
“Gerard, please…” I felt like I was going to throw up, any second. The thought of Gerard dying just made me sick. This whole fucking situation made me sick, and I was tired of it – all of it.“Don’t say stuff like that. Please.” I whispered.
He stared at me for a moment before looking down at his hands. “You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to live your life with a weight like that on your heart.” He whispered. “I… I thought I killed them. You know how awful it is… when you get into a fight with someone in your family, and then they leave for a while, and you wonder what it would be like if they just… if they died… and the last thing you said to them was something hurtful and mean. You’d feel guilty. Multiply that by infinity, and you have the feeling I had to live with for most of my life. I had to stay in that hospital for years. And every day all I could think about was them and how I had ended their lives.” He spoke softly. “You don’t know what it’s like.”
I looked down as well. I wasn’t sure why I felt so bad – Maybe it was because I had told him, when I wasn’t supposed to; or maybe because I had kept it from him.“No, I don’t.” I admitted. “But… Now we have a chance to fix it.” I whispered.
He looked up at me with a blank expression on his face. “What are you talking about?”
“Hart’s got a file in her office, full of a bunch of information on your family and… and what happened. Maybe it says where Mikey is.” Gerard’s face lit up and I smiled back. “We could… We could go find him.”
Gerard smiled. “Really? Do you think we could?” I nodded my head and he paused. “Wait, what about… How are we going to get out of here, Frankie? There are guards and Supervisors and-and-and—“
I raised my hand to shut him up. “We’ll find a way, trust me. But I’m going to do everything in my power to get us out of here so we can find Mikey.” He grinned and threw his arms around my neck dramatically.
“Thank you. So much.” He whispered.
I hugged him and kissed his right temple. And in that moment,
I had completely forgotten about Kevin Macomber.
Author’s Note- Ah, so this was short compared to the others, but still… rate and tell me what you think? x