sad story had writers block so i wrote this insted of continueing my story as i pland today :) R for Languge
Im sure by now they will have found me my dad will have fake cried in front of everyone, said how much he loved me and how he will miss me. But we all fucking know that’s a lie he obviously doesn’t care all he cares about is his fucking bottle of whisky.
Im doing this for me I need out of this world I don’t want in it anymore. The day you told me that you loved me was the best day in my life. The day you told me we could never be together though killed me inside and ironically they were the same day.
If you fucking loved me you would forget how people would judge you and just be with me but no, that would ruin your perfect little life now wouldn’t it.
I don’t know why I fucking love you… I know I shouldn’t but I do I fucking love you.
Remember the night when we were both dunk as hell and you kissed me your hand cupping my face well the other one ran though my short choppy brown locks that the hairspray had no match to you, destroying my ry-hawk, I loved that night it was the only reason I was living was hoping it would come along again but this time not alcohol on out breaths.
Maybe if you would have listened to me about me wanting to end all of this maybe I wouldn’t be here but no, once again you said “its gunna be okay” well guess what its not, its not fucking okay that your not with me it will never be okay without you, never.
I hope you find a nice wife have a nice family but we all know that ill be in the back of you mind taunting you, you will wish you had me wish that you would have stopped me but no, not now.
“he is just going through a stage” when I heard you say that to Spencer is when I decided on this. Im going to make a point to you, proving that I wasn’t that maybe I do hurt and im not just a punching bag that will always some back
This is my only way of making sure I don’t come back to you at or every single beck and call, I need independence and this is how im going to fucking get it, I wont need you, Spencer, jon or my fuckng dad when im dead. Ill I will need is a casket and some maggots to feed off of me.
Ever wonder about the burns on my back, I never told you but when I was five I fell in a fire, it was the best sensation I have ever felt. The burning the numbness the heat wishing ir just to melt your skin. Its amazing.
I am a sick basterd and I am aware of it, heck ill be cleaning the world of one less mistake. Ill be fucking helping the world
T hope you realize that I still and always will love you