The older Way stared at the far wall as he lay across his bed. He could feel the sun that streamed through the windows, hitting his face. His eyes moved towards the door where he could hear a soft scuffling. It lasted a second longer and then died. He shifted uncomfortable in his bed before sighing heavily.
He rolled as quietly off the bed as he could, not wanted to wake his younger brother, and padded over to the door. Then he paused for a moment, just a moment, and took a shaky breath before twisting the handle and opening the door. The hallway stretched before him and he took each step with one single thought, a single hope, bouncing in his mind.
Maybe it had all been a dream. Perhaps everything that had happened over the past few hours had all been some horrifying nightmare. Yes, it was all just a strange hallucination. After all, they had all been working extra hard in the studio, they were staying there until three or four in the morning somedays. Yes, it was just sleep deprivation causing him to think up these horrible things.
He stepped off the last step in the staircase and glanced at the couch where Ray was laying and on the couch and Frank lay stretched across the floor. He shook his head and chanted in his mind that it was all just a dream, it was still a dream. Quickly he turned to the door that led to the kitchen and pushed through it. Immediately, he stopped just inside the door.
The younger Way sat in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. His head was gently bowed over a cup of coffee that didn't appear to have been touched. From where he was standing he could see the bags that encircled his brothers eyes. Deep purple bruises were beneath his eyes and they seemed to be sunken into his sockets. And then he noticed the tears that sparkled in his eyes.
"Hey, Mikey," He called and immediately the younger man's head snapped up.
"Oh," he said softly, "Hey Gerard. Want a cup of coffee?"
Gerard watched as his brother pushed away from the table and turned away from him. He saw Mikey quickly rub at his eyes before walking toward the coffee pot.
"Mikey," he started and then stopped as he was cut off.
"Gerard, don't say anything. Just...let me be." Mikey said as he poured his untouched coffee down the drain.
"Mikey, I have to," He began again.
"Please," there were tears in his voice as Mikey cut off his brother again. "I just, I need to have a moment."
He leaned heavily against the counter, as if it physically hurt him to speak those words. As Gerard thought them over he realized that they probably did. Hell, it hurt him just to think about it. He stopped and just stared at his brother as he gripped the counter tightly, and then he saw it.
Ever so slightly, Mikey's back was trembling as sobs wracked through his body. Tears flooded to Gerard's eyes as he rushed to Mikey's side. Then he realized that, this wasn't a dream. This was a real as it could get. He grabbed Mikey by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug.
"It's gonna be okay, Mikey," He murmured softly and felt his own tears begin to fall.
"I can't believe she's gone." Mikey sniffed and was pulled closer.
"I'm know Mikey, I know."
He leaned into him for a second longer before he pulled away. He didn't look at him as he shook his head.
"I have to, I just," He didn't finished his sented before he turned and left through the backdoor.
He turned back as the kitchen door creaked and Frank and Ray stepped though the doorframe. Ray gave him a sad smile as he quickly wiped away the tears that streaked his face.
"I'll go talk to him," Ray said as he walked through the same door.
Mikey sat on the back steps, his head placed in his hands as he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself.
He didn't lift his head as he felt someone sit beside him, he already knew who it was.
"Ray, please, I can't..."He began but trailed off, unable to finish as his tears choked him.
"I know," He started before Mikey looked up.
He saw the tears and pain in his eyes and couldn't continue his sentence. All he could do was pull Mikey into a hug and let him cry as his own eyes betrayed him and let tears roll down his cheeks.
Gerard sniffed quietly, trying not to cry in front of Frank as he reached over to the coffee pot and tried to grab the handle. His hand shook and sloshed coffee onto the counter and he swore quietly under his breath.
"I've got it," He heard Frank say softly as he reached around Gerard and pulled the pot from his hands.
He took a deep breath before placing his hands over his face, wiping away any tears before they fell.
"I don't know what to do Frankie," He whispered and felt a few tears slip past his hands. "I didn't get to see her before she...."
He choked on the words, not able to finish his sentence. No matter how real it was, he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Not again. He had admitted it once and they had left a bitter taste in his mouth. So he vowed, never again to say those two words.