Their hands were clasped tightly, managing to comfort each other while remaining silent. And then the older Way's hands stiffened. The younger could automatically feel the diffence in his brother's emotions.
"Gee," he whispered, while their friends continued to reminisce about Elena. "What's wrong?"
The elder just shook his head, trying to again push anger from his thoughts. He could feel the turmoil tossing through his head. The thoughts that threatened to push forward and make him snap again.
No, he couldn't let it happen, not again. Not after the pain he had caused last time, he couldn't afford another ugly thought to rear its head. Yet, he couldn't stop the thoughts roaring their opinions, he couldn't help but listen to the point that they were making.
He looked around the room at his friends and realized that the thoughts were right, they hadn't really known Elena. They had memories but they hadn't really known her the way he had.
And then he felt the pain of even thinking it. How could he have let those thoughts break into his mind, they weren't supposed to be here. Still, it were as if a black cloud was slowly forcing it's way across his thoughts, contaminating everything they covered in a gray shadow that poisoned the reasoning that usually kept him calm.
Now, everything was in a disarray.
All of his thoughts were in an uproar and they seemed to all be screaming their opinions at him all at the same time. He resisted the urge to start yelling, just yell at the top of his lungs about everything that bothered him.
Hell, why shouldn't he. His Grandmother was gone, all of his friends thought that he was crazy already, and his brother just acting as if he were ready to explode at any moment. He had never thought of himself as an angry person, but now, none of his thoughts made any sense, and he no longer knew what he thought.
Trying now to push everyone away from him, he calmly pulled his hands from the youngers and placed it in his own lap. He counted to ten and backwards trying to keep his emotions from exploding but he could feel it slowly brewing inside of his chest. Was there any way to stop this war from raging inside of him?
"Gee, are you alright?"
And then he snapped.
"No, Mikey," he said, pulling his gaze up to meet his brothers. "I'm not fucking okay!"
The younger slowly scooted away from him, their friends conversation was put to a stand still and they turned to look at the brothers.
"Well, what's wrong?" Mikey asked, reaching out to put a hand on his brother's shoulder.
A hurt look crossed his face when Gerard recoiled from his hand and stood up swiftly. He paced for a second and then another unreadable expression crossed his face. He turned to Mikey and spoke quietly.
"I can't deal with this right now. We're sitting here talking about Elena as if she's going to come back." Pain flickered briefly in the youger's eyes before quickly exstinguishing and all then there was no emotion left, he simply stared back at Gerard with empty eyes that seemed to infuriate him all the more. "She's dead! I can't sit here and fool myself into thinking she's ever coming back!"
Mikey dropped his gaze, his eyes quickly finding the carpet as Gerard ran a hand quickly through his hair. Then he reached for a set of keys on the table and quickly turned to the front door.
"I'm going for a drive, I need some time to think."
The words held no emotion and that seemed to make Mikey snap out of his reverie.
His voice carried to the front door but Gerard didn't turn back.
Tears quickly flooded Mikey's eyes as he lurched to his feet and raced to the door, quickly throwing it open and rushing onto the front lawn.