The hate dripping off his every word was enough for me to know that it wasn't Gerard in front of me, still dripping with blood and tears.
''You can't protect me from myself''
What Gerard had just said sent chills down my spine. I looked back at him, hoping he would elaborate on this. But he simply stared at me barely moving, his face set in stone.
''W-What do ya mean Gee?'' I stuttered nervously. The way my best friend's eyes studied me like a vulture would its pray, scared me slightly. Frankly this whole situation was creeping me out.
''How can you protect me if i'm the one hurting me?'' Gerard said coldly. There was something off about the way he was speaking, i was also pretty sure he hadn't blinked in over a minute.
''Gerard I don't understand'' I admitted.
''Well let me break it down for you'' Gerard spat, getting up from the king size hotel bed. It was like he didn't even feel the pain that was obviously being inflicted from standing. He was glaring menacingly at me. Okay now he was scaring the shit outta me with these sudden mood swings, one minute he's crying the next he's treating me like the enemy. I just didn't get it.
''How do you expect to help me if i end up slitting my own throat, or hurting Mikey, my own wife, or my child. What are you gonna do then huh?''
He was right up in my face now. His voice filled with venom and words laced with fury. I had never been more afraid of him in my whole life. This was not the sweet caring Gerard i knew.
''Gee calm down I didn't m-''
''And you know the best part'' He smirked, his eyes were now full of what i could only describe as manic laughter. ''No one can stop me...'' Gerard backed me up into a wall. I felt my body tense as i let fear control me.
''...Not even you''
I was up against the wall as far as i could scramble away from Gerard. If i could call him that any more. This wasn't my best friend. I knew he was having problems but they wouldn't do this to him. It was like someone else completely had taken over Gee's body. Playing with him like a puppet. Tormenting him. Breaking him. I could sense the malice in his eyes, they were the window's to the soul after all. The hate dripping off his every word was enough for me to know that it wasn't Gerard in front of me, still dripping with blood and tears.
I was at a loss. What could i do to calm him down and figure this out, to let him drift into a exhaustion induced sleep while i waited for the others to return. For once i was speechless.
''But Gee....I can fix you''
Something inside him snapped, i felt his entire body freeze and move closer towards me. He was past the point of comforting now. He was hollow, not even trying to contain the rage that was surely building up inside him.
The room was filled a deathly silence that was briefly broken by my shallow panting. I was petrified...what was Gerard capable of in this delirious state.
I could feel Gerard's hand snake up my leg until it rested on my thigh. I was too terrified to move, but i knew that this was no loving gesture. It was then i felt his nails dig into my flesh squeezing so hard. I inhaled to scream in pain, but the sound never left my lips. I simply gritted my teeth and let the agony consume me.
''Gera- Gerard please'' I gasped as he began to grip my arms with both hands, pinning me against the ugly meringue yellow wall. He showed no signs of stopping. I knew this wasn't Gee, this couldn't be happening. Gerard never hurt me. Gerard never hurt anyone, not even when he was as high as fuck, pupils blown and sounds fading in and out around him. He was messed up but still the same person who wouldn't even think about hurting us, despite our various methods of trying to get him clean. He was still our Gee.
''Please'' I whispered only to be met with a cold hard stare.
I heard a thud and a shooting pain run through my head. I was unable to register this before another thud and more pain. Gerard had a fistful of my hair and was slamming my head repeatedly against the wall.
''You..thud..can't..thud..help me..thud..no one can''
This continued till the wall had splattered red stain's smeared everywhere like ink. I was finding it hard to stay upright, and my eyesight was blurred. I was afraid of my best friend, and that hurt more than the gaping hole in my skull.
I felt myself be dropped onto the furry once clean (now scarlet) carpet. I made no attempt to haul myself up, i was too weak and far too fearful. Gerard casually kicked me in the ribs before stalking off to the bathroom as if it was nothing. I was too numb and distracted by the throbbing ache in my head to notice the power of the kick. I just curled up praying he wouldn't return. The running water from the shower alerted me that Gerard was washing off his bloodied clothing. He was still covered in his own blood from earlier...now mixed with mine. I knew somewhere inside me that this wasn't Gee, so i had no right to even be remotely angry. I just hoped the other's would see it that way. My Gerard was in there somewhere.
'I just have to find him' was my last thought, before i slipped into a state of emptiness and passed out.
I opened my eyes to the white tiles of the bathroom. I was a little unsure of how i got here, my mind was a little hazy. I looked down to see blood running off me and spiral into the drain in a red vortex. That's funny, i could have sworn i stopped bleeding.
That's when it all came rushing back to me. I had let him mess with my head. I had hurt Frank. I had tried to kill him.
But i didn't mean to. It was him. Controlling me like a dog on a leash or a caged animal.
''But you did mean to Gerard, you wanted this.'' His voice echoed. ''You could have stopped at anytime''
''shut up shut up'' I whimpered, my cries falling upon deaf ears.
''You knew what you were doing. He was only trying to help''
''Please'' I felt myself slide onto the shower floor, sitting in my own blood and i'm sure a lot of Frankie's too.
''You wanted to make him hurt''
I hugged my knee's towards me.
''You wanted to make him suffer''
My tears were now falling faster than ever
''He had to go''
I clutched my ears trying to stop the voice.
''One down Gee. How many more to go?''