Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > All We Are Is Entertaniment

Hospital Heartbeats

by Wicked_Lovely 6 Reviews

Ryan and Brendon have a conversation.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Angst,Romance - Characters:  - Published: 2011/07/13 - Updated: 2011/07/14 - 2234 words - Complete

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People rushed in and out of the room for the rest of the day, doctors and nurses checking my vital signs and changing IV's. I watched as one of the many Loris that worked in the hospital come into my room carrying a bottle of some form of cream.
"Turn on your side dear." I groaned a little, rolling onto my right side. She had done it two times before, but I wasn't excited about it happening again. "Having troubles sleeping?" She asked in a calm voice. I wished that Spencer was still in the room, or at least Jon, but thanks to Jon and all of his caring Spencer was forced to go home and take a shower. There was no sign of you showing up any time soon, making everything even worse. As much as I hated to admit it, I missed you, and wanted to see your face. You're gorgeous smiling face.
I could feel Lori rubbing the lotion on my burns, the cool liquid burning against them. I bit my lip at the feeling of cloth being wrapped around the burns again. "All right love, do you need some pills to help you sleep?" I looked at her, trying to choke down the cries of pain as I sat upright.
"No, I'm waiting for someone." She gave me a confused look.
"Visiting hours are over." I sighed a little, closing my eyes.
"He's my brother." I know she doesn't believe me, but she has to know that you mean a lot to me and that it's the only reason why I want you to come.
"I guess that's fine. Sleep well." She walked out of the room and I sighed a little, wondering how Spencer had dealt with the press. My mind kept going from topic to topic. Every time I tried to think of something I ended up thinking of you. I had to constantly try and distract myself. Not that I had anything to distract myself with.
It was a few hours after the sun rose once more that Spencer and Jon came back. Spencer tossed a bag on the bed with stark white sheets that I was currently resting in.
"What's that?" I asked slowly.
"Just some stuff. A blanket, a book, your iPod and ear-buds, your phone, some cigarettes and a your lucky lighter." I swallowed as I looked at Spencer.
"You got it from my bunk?" I asked as he handed me a worm cup of coffee. I knew they were just afraid of me burning myself with a hot one, not that I particularly cared.
"I manged to rescue a few things. The back part of the bunk was destroyed but the top part was...fine." I frowned down at my hands that were being warmed by the cup. He had to have seen the drugs, the razor, everything. I brought the cup to my lips and took a small sip.
"I got a call from Ryan." I looked at Jon, quickly swallowing the liquid that was in my mouth so I didn't choke. "He said he'll be here in about two hours."
"Ryan's coming?" Spencer was looking directly at Jon, the two acting as if I wasn't there.
Jon shrugged. "Yeah, I'm going to make him talk to Brendon."
"I have a feeling that this is going to be a long day." Spencer turned to face me. "Try not to get to upset if something goes wrong...okay?"
"I know." I spent the next few hours listening to Spencer and Jon talk, occasionally adding a word or two to the conversation. It wasn't until Jon told Spencer it was time to go eat that I stayed completely silent. Spencer apologized for having to leave and promised to bring back some food so I didn't have to eat the 'rubbish the hospital called food.' Gotta love Spencer and his stunning way of summarizing things. I watched as the two walked out of the room. The sterile room was painted an off white distorting my sense of time it didn't help that there was no clock other than the one on my phone. And there was no way that I was going to check my phone. I didn't want to know how many calls and texts I missed. It just didn't seem like a good idea.
I settled on listening to my iPod as I examined the room. There was a crack on the ceiling, making it look almost as if it would cave in at any moment. The room was small, making it a single instead of a double. Which was good. I hated talking to other patients. There was a small square window, allowing the sunlight to flow through it. Two thin and bleach covered blankets covered half of my body in a sad attempt to keep me warm. It was almost completely silent, the only noises coming from the drip of the IV and the beeping of the heart monitor.
There was a knock on the door and I looked up, wondering how long had passed since Spencer and Jon left. But it wasn't Spencer or Jon. Oh no. It was you. I watched as you opened the door hesitantly before walking in slowly. I gulped a little, trying to take in all of the beauty that was you. Tight fitting sweater with holes in the sleeves, making it so you could hook your thumbs through them to hold the sleeves down. It was a simple deep purple, matching the tight black pants that had holes in the knees. Your cheap and worn Vans making a slight squeaking noise as you walk over to me nervously. Your hands are fiddling together, your hair long and sloppy. You clear your throat.
"Hi Brendon." Your eyes look at the slick and clean floor, almost as if you're trying to memorize every nonexistent detail about it.
"Ryan." I say almost silently with a nod. It's so hard saying your name. You pull up a chair, sitting by the side of my hospital bed. There's an awkward silence between us. You're waiting for me to say something else, but I don't have a single thing to say to you. You're legs shift, crossing so you're as comfy as you always are.
"Jon seemed worried about you." You say after a moment. I nod once. "I think it's just because Spencer was. Jon told me that he didn't like you all that much." Ouch. We'll you're certainly not subtle about making me feel like shit.
"He was worried enough to get you here." I can't look at you, as much as my eyes want to. You're just as amazing as the day you left.
"Oh yeah, it's a great feeling to have the first call from your best mate in a year to be about how you screwed up one of your ex-best friends lives and how you have to go and fix it." You're voice is filled with venom, and I can't help but wonder why the hell you have to be so rude.
"You're the one who left, I have no idea why you're complaining." I allow myself to look at you again, my eyes narrowing.
"And you have no idea as to why I had to leave."
"Because you're a fucking asshole who loves to lie."
You're voice is soft when you speak the next few words. "I never lied B."
"Yes you did."
"When did I lie?" You're speak slowly, you're voice cracking as you try to hold back your tears.
"The day before you left. You told me that you loved me, and that you wanted us to always be together. You promised that you would stay as long as nothing changed...And then you left. That makes you a liar."
You shake your head. "I never lied Brenny."
"Don't call me that dammit! And if you never lied then why the hell did you leave? What made it to where you couldn't stay?"
The room goes silent again, and it's almost deafening until you speak.
"I don't know." You pause for a few minutes and I look down at my hands before you speak again.
"Brendon...You have everything." Weary eyes meet guilty ones. "You have the band, Spencer, Jon, the fans, friends, a nice place to live with plenty of money." You glance to the cigarettes on the counter. "And apparently a good way with doing illegal things in public places." I watch as your hand goes for the pack of cigarettes, looking at the lighter Spencer had brought. It was the lighter you gave me a few years back. I know that you recognize it as you light the cigarette you had pulled out, placing it in between your perfect lips. "Since I left, I don't have anything. Jon doesn't talk to me, Spencer hates me." You laugh a little but it's a hallow sound. "My friends can barley be called friends. I see them less than once a month. Our band is crap that practically no one listens to. We've lost all of our fans. Everything's gone. But you...You have everything." You pause once again to take a drag of the cigarette you stole from me as you look at the floor. I'm staring at you, trying to understand why you're so upset.
"What I don't understand...Is why would someone like you, who has everything they could possibly want and need, do things like cocaine?" Your eyes look up to scan my face. I can tell you're trying to read my emotions. What I'm thinking.
"Why did you do it?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Why did you do drugs? You're just as guilty as me."
I watch as you bite your bottom lip before responding. "I was lonely. I wanted to feel numb."
"I hardly think that's an excuse."
"Just answer my damn question."
"I missed you. I may have everything in your eyes...But I don't know how I could possibly have everything if you're not there." The silence takes over the room again. A shaky hand brings the cigarette back up to your lips, allowing you to take a drag before flicking the ash off and onto the floor. You wait a minute before exhaling. I keep thinking that you'll say something, but there's nothing. Not a word.
"And I don't want to argue with you. I'm feeling poorly enough as it is."
I watch as you put out the cigarette, deciding that you don't need it anymore. You're eyes say everything. You lean over me, toughing my hand cautiously. Almost as if it's a flame that will burn you. You latch onto it, the warmth managing to do what Spencer's has never been able to. You mange to get my cold hand warm. Your eyes meet mine and I smile. Their so pretty. Have I ever told you how much I loved your eyes? Or love I guess would be a better word. The irises always seem to be moving, like honey melting and moving over amber. Your eyes move away from mine, looking down at our hands.
"Dose it hurt?" You pull the sheets up a little, showing off the bandages that lied beneath.
"It hurts a little, but not much." You smile a little before it becomes silent once again.
"I still love you, you know? Leaving was the worst mistake I ever made. Brendon....Can you forgive me?" I look at you and then at our hands. Your fingers entwined with my own. They fit together perfectly. They always have.
"Ryan-"
"I understand." Your hand pulls away from my own, leaving it to be cold by itself. You're looking at the floor, a tear slipping out and rolling down your face to the tip of your nose.
"Ryan, of course I forgive you. I tried to talk to you months after you left. Do you honestly think that I would stay mad?" You're body's shaking as more tears run down your face, falling onto my hand. "Hey." You don't look up and I sigh, putting my hand under your chin, tilting it up so you could see me.
"I still love you." It's the only thing you mange to stutter out before I kiss your chapped lips. They don't fit as well as our hands, I never understood that. But at least our hearts will always beat in time. It doesn't take long for your head to move back.
"I love you Ryan." The door bangs open and both of our heads turn to look.
"Awh! They made up Jon!" Spencer said with his arms thrown around Jon's neck.
"Did you really?" Jon asked with a small smile.
"Have we?" I ask as I look at you. A small smile forms on your lips.
"I was going to ask you."
Spencer grins, the smile going from ear to ear. "I take that as a yes."
"Who would have guessed?"Jon says with a smile.


~~~~~

Simple ending....But I think I'll add a few more chapters. Sound good?

AnotherKnifeInMyHand:I know! It's like, the best birthday day ever. But I still always end up going to haunted houses alone or something.
And as of right now this is having a happy ending. But I might add another chapter that has a sad ending later.

-xoxo Pansy.
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