Poor Gee :(
Thunder and lightening filled the dark black sky as Gerard sat miserably in his bedroom. Mikey came home earlier that day to find his brother sobbing into his bed. As hard as he tried, he couldn't get the truth out of Gerard and was constantly told to leave him alone. So that's what he did, as much as he didn't want to, he just did as his brother asked.
5 hours earlier
After Gerard's incident with the blades he had a long, hard think about his life. He thought about all the events that had happened to him in his lifetime, some good, some bad, although if he's honest he couldn't really think of many good memories. Except for the times when he and Mikey used to go to their grandmothers. That was where Gerard felt happiest and safest. She taught him everything he knew. How to sing, draw, dance, act, all about the world and how he shouldn't judge people before actually getting to know them. Why does everyone judge me then? He asked himself. Of course these happy memories are only to be replaced by horrible thoughts as he reminisced the death of his best friend and beloved grandmother, Elena. He lost the one person who actually understood him - besides Mikey - and he was completely heartbroken.
Next was the dreaded thought of his parents. His kind, loving, oh so beautiful parents. Their death hit him just as hard. Drunk drivers. If only his dad had driven along that road just 10 seconds later. They would both still be alive and everyone could be happy, like when he was much younger. Mommy, daddy, baby Gee and little Mikey. Such a happy family. But then of course, that all fell apart too. It was a 60mph road and the other car was on the wrong side. There was no chance of getting out of the way because of the sheer speed everyone was going at. He remembers the day as if it was yesterday. He was only 16 years old.
It was Saturday night. I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a freshly made cup of coffee. Mikey was sitting on the worktop also with a drink in his hand. We were just chatting about school, our latest comics, Mikey's new girlfriend, any scary movies that were coming out soon and when we would go and watch them.
There was a knock at the door which made us both jump slightly as it was about 11pm and we hadn't really been expecting guests. Especially as mom and dad were going away for the weekend. Mikey looked at me with fear in his eyes. He was only 14, I needed to look after him.
"Don't worry Mikes, I'll get it, I'm sure it just someone wanting us to turn the music down or something." I said offering him a cheeky smile.
"I'll come with you." He replied whilst sliding off the worktop.
I turned the hall light on so I could see where my keys were. I found them on the side and turned to outside light on too. Slowly I inserted the key and opened the door and to my horror there was two police officers stood before me. One male and one female. Mikey gasped from behind me and I put a my hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him slightly, knowing how scared he must've been feeling.
"Can we come in boys? We have some news." I was unable to read the tone of their voices. It was desperate, sympathetic and anxious all rolled into one.
"Uh, yeah sure." I moved out of the way to let them both past. Mike just stood there, eyes wide, obviously in complete shock and was trying to prepare himself for what was about to come.
I didn't know exactly what was coming, but I was sure I had a pretty good idea. I mean, it's not exactly normal for two police officers to just pop round at eleven o'clock at night is it?
We made our way into the living room where me and Mikey were told to sit down. The two people stood in front of us with a look of sorrow in their eyes.
"So, what is it officers?" I asked, trying to stay as calm and casual as possible.
"Well, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but it's about your parents."
"What about them?" Mikey suddenly piped up.
"I understand that they were going away on a short break for the weekend?"
"Well, as they were on their way to the hotel they were staying over in, I'm afraid there was an accident on one of the dark country roads they were travelling down. There was another car travelling on their side of the road doing over one hundred miles and hour. When we arrived at the scene the ambulance and paramedics were already there and we were told that everyone involved in the crash died on impact. We are so sorry for your loss."
"I.. Wha.. No.. Not true.." Let's face it, I was speechless. What was I supposed to say to that?!
"Gee?" Tears were pouring down my baby brother's face. He looked completely and utterly heartbroken. I knew that I needed to be there for him and help him get through this, no matter how hard I was finding it.
"Shhh Mikey, it's okay, I'm here." I hugged him tightly, one to try and comfort him as much as I could, but also for my own security, and to know that he was actually still there.
Gerard cried harder than ever into the softness of his pillow. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, the memories of his terrible school years passed through his mind. The constant bullies, the beatings, the name calling, the dirty look and the same old nasty, spitefull comments.
Go slit your wrists..
Better off dead..
The list went on and on.
Gerard decided that lying on his bed wallowing in self pity was doing him no good, so he walked to the corner shop and bought a pack of twelve beers and 3 big bottles of vodka. He was going to drink himself to death.
Mikey had text Gerard, one to make sure he was okay and two to tell him he was going to Ray's and to call if he needed anything. He saw this as the perfect opportunity to end his life, without anyone getting in the way. He thought about his younger brother and how he was supposed to be there for him. But his mind was taken over by doubt and decided Mikey would probably be happy that he no longer had his older faggot of a brother to look after.
He opened the first bottle of vodka and took a huge drink from it. He loved the feeling of the alcohol burning his insides as it slowly slid down his throat. He quickly took another swig from the bottle enjoying the taste.
When he had nearly finished the first bottle he decided he was going to write his suicide note to Mikey. He needed to know how much he loved him.
If you're reading this, I am already gone. I am so sorry it has had to come to this. I just can't take it anymore. All the bullies, the loneliness, the constant fighting. I love you, but I need to go now. It's my time, I'm ready. I'll be up there with mom, dad and grandma. I'll watch over you every day and every night. You're gonna be great Mikes, I know it! You'll make it big time and I know you're gonna do us all so proud! I'm just sorry I'm not strong enough to be by your side while you're doing it. I don't know what heaven's like, but it must be better than where I am now. I promise to keep you safe from up in heaven. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud, but I am nothing but a failure. A disgrace. A nothing. Don't cry for me Mikes. Be strong and hold your head high. I may be gone in person, but I am always by your side in spirit. I promise I'll look after you properly now I'm gone, like I was always supposed to.
Goodbye for now baby bro, I promise we will meet again.
I love you forever.
Tears had fallen onto the paper smudging some of the writing, but it was still readable. Gerard folded it in half, wrote 'Mikey Mouse' on the front and set it down on his desk. He quickly went and got another bottle of vodka and downed at as fast as his body would let him. He felt as though he was going to vomit, but he refused to let himself bring it all back up. He needed it to stay in his body for this to work. He also started to feel very light-headed, but again refused to let himself pass out. He need more. He grabbed a couple of the beers on his dresser and downed them as if they were cans of water. He looked around and found his third bottle of vodka. Unscrewing the lid he inhaled the scent of the drink and let the bottle touch his lips. He tipped his head back and let the liquid trickle down his throat. His body was completely numb and he felt no pain at all. He smiled to himself, knowing his body was slowly being poisoned. He heard a SMASH which caused him to jump, then realise it was him, having dropped the bottle he was holding to the ground. He was next as suddenly all became black. He was completely emotionless and felt absolutely nothing. This is exactly what he wanted. To be dead to the world.
Mikey must have rang Gerard's phone about twenty times now, and still there was no answer. He was beginning to worry and told Ray he was going home to check on him. Rain was beating down on him as he walked as quickly as his legs would let him back to his home. When he got there he unlocked the door and switched the downstairs light on.
"GEE?!" No answer.
"GEEEEEEEEE?!" Still no answer.
"GERARD ARTHUR WAY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" Mikey was panicking now, Gerard ALWAYS answered when his middle name was used. That only came out at important times. He made his way to the kitchen and the living room and the dining room and there was no sign of Gerard. He wandered down the stairs leading to the basement/Gerard's bedroom. He knocked on the door and called his name. There was no answer but he decided to enter anyway. The sight before him was nothing like he could have possibly expected. All he could do was stand and stare for a few moments as he took in what was before him. His best friend, his brother, his hero lying in front of him, surrounded by broken glass. Covered in blood, not moving at all. Mikey quickly snapped back into reality and ran over to his brother. He saw the cuts on his wrist which had reopened and he wrapped them up in whatever was closest to him applying as much pressure as possible to try and stop the bleeding. His next mission was to find out if he was actually alive or not. He held two fingers to Gerard's wrist but the bandages just made any attempt of fining a pulse impossible. He quickly pressed them to his neck, just under his jaw. Nothing. He moved his fingers up his neck further. Still nothing. He moved them again and pressed slightly harder. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding as he suddenly felt the slowest, lightest pulse ever, but it was a pulse nonetheless. Gerard was alive, but for how much longer? Mikey quickly called for an ambulance who were on their way. Something on Gerard's dresser caught his eye. He saw the note. With a shaky hand he picked up the letter and opened it slowly, dreading what was inside. As he read the note, he felt his heart breaking once again. He felt so helpless. Tears fell freely from his eyes as he broke down, holding his brothers near dead body in his arms, kissing his head, stroking his hair, whispering anything and nothing trying to keep his composure willing for Gerard to be okay. He could not face the loss of someone else.
The ambulance arrived and carried Gerard weak, limp body to the hospital. Mikey travelling with him, not letting go of his hand once. There was nothing he could do but stay by his side, pray for his brothers life and wait to be given some news. Please God, let him live. It's not his time yet! I need him here with me. To take care of me, to love me, to be there for me. Please God, let him live!
R+R? Please let me know what you think :) xo