I am a son of a bitch and Edgar Allan Poe.
Yeah,nothing much to say here,except that it is four in the morning,my insomnia pills aren't working and I'm doped up on My Chemical Romance fan fiction.Current favourites:
Halloween by XxlovefrankieroxX
Salt Skin by AdnarimSmada (I cannot get enough of this girl's shit,shes like my favorite author besides J.K. Rowling,like,legit)
Sex & Candy by DeathCookie
Mmmhmm,I dig smut,its fucking wicked.Some call it porn,I call it skilled.
And there is a little message to all our prejudiced friends out there in this chapter.Enjoy.
Anyway-on with the tale-
title is from Green Days amazing song of the same name.I tried to incorporate it into the story at the end,just read on.Heres a little hint:Jimmy is an abbreviation of James.
First of the Gang to Die
Frank slowly eased himself into the bath,small hands clasping the edges,letting out a hiss of pleasure as the hot water touched his bruised skin.He sat himself down on the bottom,sighing shakily as the liquid sloshed around his thin body.
He relaxed and sucked on his lower lip,enjoying the peace.The day had been very stressful,after Gerard had tortured and killed (not to mention burned) Andrew de Luca,retaliations had been wrought upon the Way family by the Romano's,angered and shocked by Gerard's beastly doings.Their house was now the headquarters of the gang,used for meetings,coalitions,tortures,everything associated with the illegal party took place at the manor.Gerard was very preoccupied and stressed these days,and often only got one or two hours of sleep each night.He jabbered endlessly on the phone in rapid Italian,sometimes in the middle of the night.He would spend hours in the library,researching,reading,smoking cigars that seemed to never burn out.
All in all,Frank felt very bad for his husband,and tried to make him as satisfied as possible.They still refrained from sex,due to the time issue and the fact that Frank was still too injured to partake.However,most days,Gerard would set aide an hour to be with his lover-sometimes it was just talking,other times it was a little more heated,with Iero often being the more impatient and the older letting him down gently,more for Frank's sake than his.
But the boy's injuries were improving slowly.The gaping scar underneath his ribs was still horribly gaudy,the black lines stretching the skin as far as it would go,making Frank feel the stitches were hardly helpful.His actual vertebrae were better,and he could breathe comfortably now.He still had bruises and contusions from the rape,as well as a traumatic imprint in his mind that would never quit,but overall he was better.
Now there was a tapping on the door.Frank instantly perked up when he recognized the metallic striking of jewelry against wood.
"Sugar?You in there?"
It was Gerard.His voice was a cracked croak,tinged with exhaustion and fatigue.
"Yeah,"Frank replied,smiling in spite of himself."You can come in if you want."
The door knob was jiggled and turned until Way came into view.He was ragged looking and his shirt was rumpled,there were dark circles under his eyes and his hair stuck up.The formal facade was gone now,and he went over to the bath,kneeling down on the tiled floor.
"Hey baby,"he murmured,leaning in to kiss Frank softly on the lips,hands resting on the edge of the tub,crossed at the wrists,"how are you doing?"
"Good,"Frank returned,turning around to face Gerard,wrapping his dripping arms around his neck,"I missed you."
"I missed you too,"Gerard confirmed,pressing his hands into the small of Frank's wet back,loving the feel of his soft flesh in the water,"what did you do all day?"
"Watched television,listened to the radio,hung out with Ray and Bob.Bob taught me how to play chess."
"I would have payed to see that."
"He basically told me the rules and then he beat Ray eight times in a row.And that tall guy with the brown hair?"
"Yeah,him.Bob played him as well,at poker too,and he beat him just as bad as Ray."Frank traced a finger under Gerard's swollen eyelids."You should go to sleep."
"Can't.Gotta go talk to some Spanish guys downstairs.We're doing a raid next week and they want to be part of it."
"You're not staying?"Frank pouted,gazing up at Gerard."But you're gone all the time."
Frank's voice broke on the last syllable.He couldn't help it;he was upset that he never got time with Gerard,that he was only permitted visiting times between meetings.He realized it was selfish to want one person all to oneself,but he remained partial.
Gerard sighed and cupped Frank's cheek in his hand.
"Please don't get angry with me,sweetheart."
"I'm not angry..."Frank mumbled into Gerard's shoulder."I just never have any time with you.And I know what you do is so hard and stressful but sometimes-I wish it was just you and me."He looked directly into his lover's eyes."Y'know?"
Gerard thought for a moment."If you get out of this bath,I'm gonna go downstairs and sort something out.Gimme five minutes."
Gerard left the bathroom,leaving Frank sitting in the lukewarm bath,feeling dejected.He feared he had pissed his lover off,had angered him by his suggestion.Now his brain wreaked havoc with him,insulting and spitting at him for irritating Gerard.
He's got enough fucking problems without you whining about shit.Can't you ever just shut the fuck up?
Frank sighed and climbed out of the bath,grabbing a towel and tying it around his hips,drying himself off,wincing whenever he would put pressure on a sore spot.He found himself tearing up again,noe frustrated with the fact that he had annoyed Gerard in such a way.
You're so useless.
Waste of skin.
Fucking slut,eyes fucking glued to other men behind my back!
Get the fuck over here,I'll fucking hit you into next week-
And that's how it would start.All of Frank's deceased former fiancee's quotes would swirl around in his head,until he'd feel nauseous.In the past,he cut himself-it was painful at first,but once you became experienced,it was like a release.The hurt and regret and misery would flow away freely with the blood,and Frank would come out of it feeling better,relieved.
Now he found himself in front of the mirror,in his boxers,running his hands down his battered,bruised stomach.He hated himself,the way he looked,the way he felt,the way he thought,he hated him.
Frank,how fucking much do you weigh?
Christ,look at you.Fucking whale.
You know that no one apart from me will ever love you,right?
God,you can't even look right,you just fuck up everything-
Frank grabbed a toothbrush from the dresser and walked over to the sink.He pushed his hair behind his ears and thrust it down his throat,hitting his gag reflex,his last meal shooting back up his throat and making his eyes sting with pain,his head swim with light headedness.He kept doing it and doing it until he felt his stomach empty of all contents,completely empty.
He washed away the horrible taste in his mouth by shoving his head under the kitchen sink,the water flushing away the lurk of disappointment,of guilt.
"Sugar?Where are you?"
Frank skidded out to the bedroom.
"Here,Gee."He tried to smile."I'm sorry if I pissed you off earlier,I'm really sorry-"
"Sweetie sweetie sweetie,"Gerard soothed,"you have nothing to be sorry for.I should be sorry,I-"he pulled the boy to his chest"-why are you shivering,sugar?"
"I'm just cold,"Frank stammered,trying to squirm out of Gerard's strong grasp,"it's just cold-"
"And why are you pale?Are you feeling sick?Would you like me to-"his eyes found sight of the vomit in the sink,the smoking toothbrush."Oh,honey."
Frank shivered in his hold,teeth chattering.Gerard sighed and rubbed his hands all over Frank's bare,freezing back.He guided him by his tiny arms to the bed,and sat him in the middle.He then took off his own jacket and threw it around Frank's shoulders,then grabbing a furry blanket and tucking him into it.Looking down on him,he looked so small and brittle in the layers,and Gerard silently screamed at himself for not being around more.
Gerard ran into the bathroom,turning on the tap instantly,refusing to look at Frank's former stomach contents,and grabbed a mug off the wall,shoveling three spoonfuls of brown refined grains into it,filling it with boiling water,then returning to Frank.
He kneeled beside the boy on the bed,still rubbing his back with one hand,giving him the coffee with the other.
"Take this,"he said,pushing it into Frank's quaking hands,pulling the quivering boy into his hold,one arm easily wrapping around his waist twice.He was getting worried now;Frank wouldn't stop shaking,and he was fucking freezing.Gerard was too afraid to hug him in case he snapped.
"Baby,why do you do this,"he sighed,wrapping the boy up in the blankets,squeezing him tightly."Why do you do this to yourself?"
He was warming up now;his lips had gone from a faint blue to a light pink,and he was shaking less.He snuggled further into Gerard's chest,tugging at his shirt,his hair tickling the older's neck.Way silently screamed when he felt the bony ridges of his ribs,the expanse of skin that stretched over his bones.
"Sugar,we need to talk about this,"Gerard tried to make his voice sound stern,but his throat was extremely sore after a day of screaming at gangsters to do their "fucking job,goddammit."He found it hard to be astringent with the submissive,jittery boy he was married to,who just happened to be bulimic.
"I don't want to,"Frank mumbled into his shoulder."Don't worry about it."
"Do not tell me not to worry about you having an eating disorder,I will worry as much as I want to because it is a pressing issue."He sighed."Baby,just tell me.I promise I won't get mad."
Frank bit his lip and focused on staring at Gerard's bare collar bone.
Gerard's heart sunk into the pit of his stomach.This was not the reason.Couldn't be the reason.Shouldn't be the reason.This amazing,beautiful boy sitting in front of him could not honestly believe that he was the reason behind drastic eating habits-or non-eating habits,as the case may be.
Okay,so this is possibly THE WORST MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF ANGST RELATED FRERARD FAN FICTION,DUE TO DELICATE TOPICS IN THIS STORY,but I am eating some strawberry cheesecake at the moment,and dear Lord it is like a fucking rave party in your mouth.Just a second,I need to get more of this.
*gets up from chair,pauses Law & Order,runs to kitchen,about to cut slice when she mutters "fuck it",picks up the whole cake and returns to chair,plays Law & Order,attacking said cheesecake with fork*
Don't look at me like that.I paid a tenner for the damn thing,Imma eat it all.
It's from M&S.Yeah,that's right,I got the fancy shit,suck that,bitches.
Just thought of the fact that the majority of you won't get that because you're American.But if you're British or Irish then HELL YES I AM SO POSH.
Imagine if I got one from Waitrose...
"Pl-please me?"He gazed into Frank's eyes,his mouth slightly open in disbelief."Baby,what the hell do you mean?"
Frank whimpered and shied away from his intense look,staring into his lap.Gerard,ever savvy,tipped the boy's chin up to meet his questioning eyes.
"I just..."he trailed off."I just hate pissing you off-"
"You don't piss me off."
"But,earlier,when I said about us not spending enough time together-"
"Sweetie,I wasn't annoyed,I was just tired,"he murmured reassuringly into his ear,his arms locked around Frank's waist."I've been working all week,and I got like an hour's sleep last night.I apologize if I upset you but that is no reason to..."he glanced uneasily at Iero's wasted frame."...to do what you're doing."
"Or the time when I wanted to...y'know...and you wouldn't...I did it then as well."Gerard hugged him tighter."Because I thought you didn't want me."
"Baby,why would you even..."he glowered at the revelation."He did it,didn't he?"
"Him.James.That fucking cunt who put these insane ideas in your head.What a fucking saint."
I love it when titles make sense.
"Oh."Frank tried to shrink in upon himself."Yeah."
"You shouldn't ever listen to shit like that,babe,"Gerard advised,"you really are perfect,sugar,and you don't listen to other people's bull because they're idiots who are too wrapped up in their own self-pity to ever complement someoneOr the media,saying you should be this skinny,or this fat,or whatever.I wouldn't give a shit if you were three hundred pounds,or had a face tattoo,or were bald or something,"he shook his head,"you'd still be fucking breath taking to me.So forget what that dick said.He was mentally retarded or something,I swear."
Frank looked at him with reproachful eyes."But...what people say-even about being...y'know...gay or whatever."
Gerard shrugged."You're an incredible person who I am in love with.You are beautiful,you are talented,you are generally amazing.I adore you."He tucked a brown lock behind his ear."I can't help the fact that you happen to be the same sex as me.It shouldn't really make a difference,in my opinion."
"I mean,who is someone else to judge me?To say what is right and wrong?"He snorted."Priests say homosexuals will burn in hell,but they rape and abuse little kids."An eyebrow raised."So I can't love someone who is male,but it's okay to violate a child?"
Frank didn't answer,but simply listened.
"Or all those stupid racist Christians in the south,who hate blacks and Jews?Hate to burst your bubble there but your man Jesus,was,most likely,black,due to his country of origin,and he was,without a doubt,of the Hebrew faith."
Frank nodded."You're smart."
"No,I'm not.I'm just not a complete idiot."
"What has this got to do with my...uh...problem?"He asked,fearful of the answer.
"I'm basically just saying you shouldn't give a rat's tiny ass what society thinks.They're a load of shits who plaster the face of the world with a parental advisory sticker."He laced his fingers with Frank's."It's propaganda."
Okay so I may or may not be making Gerard recite my own political beliefs.I regret nothing
Frank smiled at his husband's heartfelt,stickin-it-to-the-Man,anarchistic speech.It made him feel that much better about himself.
"I love you,Gerard,"he said,reaching up to kiss him on the cheek.
"Love you too,sweetheart,"was the reply.Then:"Oh and Frank?"
"Next time we're in Church,remind me to make out with you in front of the priest."