Another SlAxl. It's kind of fluffy. If you squint maybe.
Watching the stars on the big screen,
Then he lies awake and he wonders,
Why can't that be me
Cause in his life he is filled
With all these good intentions
He's left a lot of things
He'd rather not mention right now
But just before he says goodnight,
He looks up with a little smile at me,
And he says,
The ending credits to the movie had just started to roll, a cheesy song playing in the background, when Axl rolled up to his feet. I startled awake, glancing up to see him looking at the silver screen intently and a blanket of stars staring down at me. I looked up at him, through sleep deprived eyes and inwardly groaned when I saw the dark look in his eyes. He was thinking again and nine times out of ten, it was never good. I groaned, got to my feet and pulled my jacket on over my chilly body. "Let's go home, Axe."
Axl mumbled something I couldn't understand and started to walk towards home. If we could even call it that. We finally moved out of the practice space and into a little apartment over a liquor store. It was a pretty small space, built for just one person. But it had to make due with two. It had enough room for a bed, a couch, my guitar, and a kitchen set. We had to share the closet and the bathroom arrangements were a nightmare all in itself. And to top it all off, the damn door always stuck so you had to shove it to get it open.
Axl walked past me, eyes growing stormier with each step he took. He stripped off his flannel he was wearing, he called it his relaxing clothes. Boots flew to opposite sides of the room. I ducked when his tank top came flying towards me wrapped up in his belt. When he stripped down to nothing but his jean shorts, he flung open the window. "I'll be on the roof." was his mumbled explanation. Then he climbed up the fire escape and disappeared from view.
I sighed deeply, tossing my hat onto the couch. I grabbed my smokes from under the pillow, the last place Axl would look to steal them, and stuffed one in my mouth. I knew I had to let him simmer for a bit. Prod at Axl too soon and he would explode like an untimely bomb. I seen it in action a few times. The only part of it was I hated leaving him like that. I knew he needed space but hated seeing struggle all alone. I hated that pained expression in his eyes. It broke my heart every time I looked at it.
After what seemed like ages, I got up from the couch. My full pack of smokes now empty and lay crumpled on the floor. I went to the kitchen area and warmed up a cup of tea I knew to be Axl's favorite. Then with that hand, I grabbed the blanket from our bed and exited our cramped space in the same fashion Axl did. I walked slower than Axl, careful not to spill the drink or fall off the edge of the building.
Axl sat on the large concrete slab we called the stage, which was his usual perch. His knee's were brought up and his thin arms dangled between them. If he wasn't in a bad mood, I would've joked that he was sitting in his 'cradling the toilet' pose. He looked the same when he was hung-over and vomiting in the bathroom. His hair streamed down his back in a curtain of crimson and contractedly brightly against his creamy skin in the city lights.
I stopped right on the side of him, lowering the mug to eye level with him. When I felt him take it, I sat down behind him, dropping the blanket over my shoulders. Then I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around his waist and dropped the blanket over his shoulder too. My head resting on his bare shoulder lightly. Axl tensed slightly but I ran my hands over his freezing skin lightly. He relaxed and sighed, sipping his tea without a word to me.
"Want to talk about it?" I asked carefully. I wasn't afraid of Axl, I just hated arguing with him. It usually got dragged out and ended with one of leaving the house. More than once it ended with us coming to blows. And out of the entire band, I knew the best ways to avoid all that mayhem. I knew how to get him to open up. It just took careful prying. "C'mon Axe. It's just me and you. Talk!"
Axl shot me a look over his shoulder, a mix between 'Fuck off' and 'Help me". I smiled lightly, rubbing his shoulders now. It amazed me how tight his muscles were. He was fighting against all his urges to flip out. That was why he was sitting on the roof in just shorts, he was trying to cool off. Trying to freeze away the rage inside him. I kept my hands moving, knowing he would soon crack.
"When's it going to be my turn?" he mumbled, so softly I almost didn't hear him at first. I looked at him closely, seeing how white his knuckles were. Whatever this subject was, it was really bothering him. He gripped the mug tightly that I swore if he twitched, he would shatter it. "Why can't I be like them?'
"Who?" I asked, rubbing my thumbs a little harder into his knotted muscles. When he grunted, I knew I had hit the right spot. I kept at it, loosening the muscles as Axl stared at the city lights before us. "Talk to me. You gotta help me understand, Axl."
Axl sighed, leaning back into me. He swept his hand out across the Strip and towards Hollywood with a swear. "When is it going to be our turn? When do we get to shine? We're laying ourselves on the line and getting shit back. Maybe he was right. I am no good."
I heard the yearning, the want in Axl's voice and it hurt. I knew how it felt. We were all waiting for that big break to come. It was taking a huge toll on all of us and so far we had nothing to show for it. Yeah, we had fun doing to but it wasn't paying the bills. "We're too good to go unnoticed. We just gotta wait, man, Our time is going to come. We're going to make it and we're going to be fine."
I paused for a moment, understanding who Axl was talking about when he said 'he'. Axl only spoke about one person in that way and I knew it was his father. Axl would never call him father and only refer to the man as 'him' or 'he'. Sometime it was confusing but knowing Axl like I did, I knew what the man had done to Axl. He wrecked havoc on Axl both physically and mentally. I had seen the scars of the beatings and it made me want to kill the man personally. But whenever Axl got into one of his dark moods, the mans words, not actions, came forward.
"And your father was wrong. Your better than what he said you are. Look how far you came already. I mean, we may not be at the top but we are pretty damn close. We're just at the start. Fuck what he says. You're better than what he says. I know you are." I said strongly, squeezing his arms gently to prove my point.
"You came from a shitty home and a fucked up father. You survived shit none of us can touch. You take no shit from anyone and fight anyone what even tries to put you down. You got my back and the band's like nobody's business. Your voice can get every person in the venue up and moving, no one else's. Your power is what they hear."
I hesitated, reaching around and pressed my hand against his chest. "You also have this amazing heart beating inside your chest. Everything you do has great intentions. Yeah, you left behind a past that you never mention but who cares. Your heart is all you need. You prove to me everyday that we can change what we can change from. Don't forget that."
I heard Axl sniff after I finished speaking and I smiled. He shot a half glare, wiping his eyes quickly. "Screw you, fucker. I got something in my eyes." he lied, eyes puffy. I smiled, laughing. He chuckled lightly. "Thanks. I needed someone to tell me I was wrong."
'I will gladly tell you're wrong any chance I get if I can be like this with you." I smirked, nuzzling my cold nose into his warm neck. He smiled, leaning his back against my bare chest. "I take that as a yes, then?"
"Shut up, Slasher. You're ruining the moment." he mumbled, eyes half closed and a small smile on his lips. "One day, when we're famous, I'm going to buy a huge house with a ton of rooms. And we're going to live together because I can't live without you. I'm going to be a huge star and I'm taking you with me. We're going to see heaven."
I smiled, kissing his forehead. "I'm already in Heave. I'm looking at it." I whispered, closing my eyes and relaxing in the city sounds.
Axl didn't speak for a minute, probably shocked by my words. "If I could be like that, know what I'd do?" I shrugged, looking at him tiredly. He was almost asleep and looked angelic, a small smile on his face again. "I would trade all the money I had just to make sure you stayed with me for the rest of my life. I'd rather have you then be like that."
I smiled widely, kissing his lips gently. "Same here, Billy." I pulled back, positioned my back against the wall and got comfortable. There was no way I was moving now. I was content sitting with Heaven in my arms. "Night, sugah."
Axl smiled in his sleep, he usually did whenever I called him by a pet name. I felt my eyelids drop as I watched a shooting star dart across the sky. I silently wished we would make it and get everything Axl wanted. Then sleep started to fight for dominance. "I love you Saul…Don't let me go."
If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that,
what would I do,
What would I do