Told mainly in Gerard's POV.
“Is everything okay Frankie?” I asked him, cocking my head to one side.
He nodded but didn’t say anything. Frank not saying anything indicates that something is definitely wrong.
I sighed. What could possibly be wrong with him? He was moody about me lying about my sexuality for ages and now I’ve come clean to him and myself but he’s still in a bad mood. Has someone said something to him? If it was anything homophobic then Frank could soon shake it off because he really doesn’t care what people think of his sexuality. I admire that about him, I wish I was that brave.
Maybe it was something to do with his parents. They’d split up a while ago and although he’d say he was over it maybe he wasn’t.
I decided to bring it up “Frank is everything okay at home?”
He looked surprised at the question “Yeah why?”
“I was just wondering, with your parents splitting up and everything…”
“I already told you, I honestly don’t care about that anymore. It’s better off this way.”
“Well if there’s anything you want to talk to me about…”
“It’s nothing!” Frank snapped “I’m fine I already told you!”
He ran off and I was left alone wondering what the hell his problem was. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Jasmine leaning against the wall. I turned to face her and she looked at me. Just as I was about to stick my hand in the air and wave at her, she glared at me and turned away. I sighed heavily wondering whether it was worth going over to her to apologise for like the millionth time. But from the glare she just gave me, I don’t think it’d be a good idea.
Instead I got up to go and find Frank and where he’d run off too. I mean he was my boyfriend and I’d managed to upset him even more. He was mine and I should be taking care of him, not scaring him away.
As soon as I got up though, two girls in the lowest year at my school ran over to me. One of them had long blonde hair and the other had brown hair in a bob. The blonde girl smiled at me before asking “Is it true that you’re gay?”
I stared at her before brown bob asked “Is it true that you’re in a relationship with Frank?”
I still didn’t say anything; I just looked at them both. Blonde girl sighed again before commenting “I heard that you once dated your own brother. The creep in the year above us? What’s his name again, Mikey?”
That’s when I lost my cool. I grabbed blonde girl’s hair and yanked it hard “Do not call my brother names. And never talk to me again you dumb bitch.”
“Let go of her!” Brown bob cried “I’ll tell a teacher! Let go of Lily!”
“Don’t talk to me again!” I repeated, pushing Lily away from me “Stupid cow you don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“You didn’t deny being gay, did he Amy?” Lily sneered “I knew it was true. He never really denied dating his brother either. He’s sick, immoral. He’s totally pathetic.”
I went to grab her again but this time she ran off, her dumb friend quickly following her.
As soon as they were gone, Mikey was suddenly at my side “… Gerard are you really gay?”
I glanced at him and nodded “I didn’t want to tell you. Fuck, I didn’t even want to tell myself.”
“Because I knew that would happen!” I burst into hysterical tears “I hate myself Mikey, I hate myself!”
I ran off to the men’s bathroom and locked myself in one of the cubicles. I hate myself; I’m not worth anything… Why am I even still alive? I’m in love with Frank but I can’t even help him. He’s depressed, something’s wrong with him and he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me. Maybe I don’t deserve him. What if he’s met somebody else?
Why can’t I just be normal?
“It’s nothing! I’m fine I already told you!” I snapped, running off.
I hid at the back gates by myself, hoping that Gerard wouldn’t come and find me. I couldn’t look at him without reminding myself of what I’d done. Jasmine kept giving me smiles every so often as if it to say “Thanks for saving me before it was too late.”
I returned the smile every time even though I never really feel like smiling these days. All I wanted to do was go and hide in a hole. On really low days I just wanted to die.
And I can’t get away from it. Tell Gerard what I did and he’ll hate me forever. Tell Jasmine what I did, she’d tell Gerard and try to win him back. Tell anyone what I did and they’d hate me, think I was crazy and insane. I can’t even tell my own parents without them thinking I was insane.