I can hear voices, the beeping of a heart machine and the soft sounds of a stereo playing Nirvana, I can smell food and see the yellow that is light above my eyes yet, I cannot move. My eyes refuse to open, my lips not peeling apart not matter how hard I try.
“Miss Iero,” a doctor says sounding like he’s underwater. “Your results are back. Is now an okay time?”
Manda must have nodded because I don’t hear her speak but I can feel her fingers tighten around my limp hand in fear of the worst. I really hope his words make all our fears disappear.
“The results came back negative,” the doctor says again still sounding too far away.
Hearing the sound of Amanda sigh makes my day. I can die happy now. She’s alright, everything is gonna be; Amanda is healthy. I have to get my eyes open, my mouth; tell her how happy I am but I can’t.
“Amanda, what results?” that is Frank, the concerned brother who has no clue what Manda has dealt with. “Did you think you were pregnant again?”
Her soft giggle sounds like wind chimes, “No Frankie…the doctors thought I had breast cancer, turns out I don’t.”
I can picture her smile, sharp, white canine teeth showing as she looks up at everyone under her eyelashes. Again I try and open my eyes and this time I succeed, looking right at Amanda who is starting at me, looking worried yet happy at the same time.
“Gee,” she says, seeing my eyes open. “Oh, Gee. I’m so sorry.”
“Why, did you hit me?” that’s all I can manage along with a stupid smirk I know she probably doesn’t want to see right now. I don't care, she's alright. Everything is perfectly fine with that bright eyed girl I've fallen madly in love with.
“No, but if I hadn’t been so stupid and been goofing off with Jimmy you wouldn’t have gotten hit,” she answer squeezing my hand as she moves closer to me.
Trying to sit up I feel a bolt of pain run up and down my right side and quickly lay back down wincing, “Not your fault.”
She frowns at me going to hit a button on the wall but I shake my head best I can. I don’t know what it’s for but I don’t want it. I’m enjoying being awake.
“Dude, how ya doin’?” Ray comes over holding Zayna’s hand.
“I’ve been better but I’m alright,” I answer as Amanda brushes some hair off my face.
He nods before moving away letting Bob come up. He takes my hand in his and just holds it for a second, giving me a stern look. I smile at him before he smiles back and moving away so our Mexican jumping bean can get to me.
Frank launches himself at me, hugging me tightly as I wince in pain, “Don’t do that to us again.”
“Never on purpose,” I answer before turning my attention back to Amanda who is looking out the window on the snow that is now falling from the heavens. It’s November, it is not supposed to be snowing yet. The weather around here is crazy.
“Hey,” I whisper to her, reaching my good arm up and cupping her cheek with it, forcing her to look at me. “You’re okay, we’re okay, and everything is good. I’m gonna get better. Amanda I'm sorry for getting mad. I shouldn't have but things are gonna get better I swear.”
She looks at me with crazed eyes, scoffing a little as she moves away, “How can you be so calm?”
Everyone in the room looks at her having some sort of battle with herself as she looks to the window, back to me and then sighs. I think all the emotion is something she’s not used to and it’s making her go a little crazy.
“Baby, I’m calm because I know it’s all gonna be alright,” I answer reaching for her hand wanting to feel her against me. “Have you slept since whenever we’ve been here?”
It's only now that I notice her blood shot eyes, dark circles forming under them. Her hair is put up in a sloppy bun and she's hardly wearing any make up. Amanda normally doesn't care what she looks like but I've never seen her look this tired.
“No,” Frank chirps standing at the end of my bed, “and don’t let her tell you any different. She's sat up waiting for you to wake up for almost four days.”
Amanda scowls at her older brother but curls up on my left anyway, her head tucked under my chin and quickly she’s fast asleep. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Who else's girlfriend would have staid with them for four days straight in a hospital getting barely any sleep?
Bob and Ray, now that they know I’m alright, decide to leave each having to get to work. Andrea and Leighton leave shortly after claiming their father would get worried if they are out for any longer. That leaves me in the room with Frank and Zayna. Mikey must have gone to get coffee or something.
“So you knew about the whole cancer thing?” questions Frank pulling a chair up to the side of my bed.
Sighing I shut my eyes. We should have told him, he had a right to know. Amanda just didn’t want to worry him unless something was actually wrong with her. She wanted to go about her business as if this was not even an issue. That proved to be harder than we’d both thought.
“I did. We should have told you Frank,” I answer. “She was adamant that I not tell you. Amanda didn't want you to worry.”
Frank nods, “She’s normally liek that. You really like her don’t you Gerard?”
I smile. God I can’t even begin to put it into words how much I care for this girl. She’s been in my life for six years now and I don’t know what would happen if just one day she disappeared. I’ve had plans to ask her to marry me after I graduate high school for almost six months. Amanda is kinda my life now. She makes me so damn happy I could explode. It’s like when she walks in I feel like everything is just fine and I can make it through anything. I’m such a goddamn sap. If only this girl knew what she does to me.
“Yes. I love your little sister Frank,” I answer wishing I could do my feelings more justice.
He smiles at me, “I’m glad it’s you, man.”
We sit there in a comfortable silence listening to Amanda's sleep mixed with the soft sounds of Nirvana.