- I tried to give him a smile to let him know I was okay, it didn't phase him. -
I pushed my shopping cart along in a lazy fashion, not much caring about the vegetables that surrounded me. Even while so lost in my thoughts, I couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching me. I stopped the cart and looked to my right, just watermelons. Then I turned to my left and spotted the guys scattered around the store, browsing different foods. I knew they were worried about me, they saw the bandages. None of them had seemed like they'd noticed me, and seeing their smiles as they played with shopping carts and various food items, I didn't want them to. Their faces of joy would turn into faces of worry. I didn't want to plague anyone with my problems. Even Gerard was smiling, I missed that.
I gazed at my arms thinking about what could've happened if no one had saved me. I would probably be dead, but they question I kept asking myself was what's to stop me from trying again?
I successfully bought my things and snuck out before anyone could notice. And the feeling of being watched left me.
I was sprawled out on the kitchen floor staring at the small, but slick, knife in my hand. Could I really go through with this again?
I remembered the optimistic feelings and the beautiful place it took me to. It was better than a broken heart.
I quickly unwrapped my bandages and slit the knife across the healing flesh lines. Over and over and over until I had cut each one. I smiled to myself, enjoying the feeling. I slowly felt my self growing weaker as the blood poured. I had missed this.
Someone was in the house, no, not just one, but a couple of people. There were footsteps and voices everywhere. Was I imagining this? Was the lack of blood having an effect on my brain? I didn't even try to answer, I sat and waited for the end, but just holding on to see who it was. I didn't wanna die with this much curiosity. The kitchen door slammed open and Frank came bolting in, breathing hard. He almost didn't see me from behind the counter island in the middle of the room, but my damn foot was sticking out just enough to see. He jumped at the sight of my half-unconscious, bloody body. He fell to his knees and whispered something, not to me, but to the ceiling? He was praying. I tried to give him a smile to let him know I was okay, it didn't phase him.
"Guys I found her!" He screamed desperately. Then he took one of my arms in his hands and tried to clean it with a random rag.
"Stay with me Leda, everything's gonna be alright, we're gonna help you get better okay?" His voice cracked a little, tears ran down his cheeks. Mikey, Ray, and Gerard came running through the door and spotted Frank first. Then they slowly walked over to the train wreck that was myself. All of their faces held negativity. All were worried.
The were frozen to their spots, but Frank's screams took them out of their trances. Mikey grabbed another rag and worked on my other arm while Ray ran around frantically looking for bandages. Gerard crawled next to me and moved my head to his lap. His hands shook as he brushed my hair out of my face.
He was whispering "Im sorry" repeatedly I looked up at him with half-lidded eyes. He was crying too, all of them were. I wanted to comfort them but I had a feeling I wasn't going pull through this time.