It was Spencer. Again. Jon sighed as he hit the ignore button again, not even bothering to put it away. He knew it would just start ringing again as soon as he did. Within seconds, it lit back up, alerting him that Spencer was calling him. Again. He let the phone ring a few more times before answering.
“Please. Please, stop calling me.” The line remained silent for a moment. “Jon?” he asked, voice raw with unshed tears. Jon’s breathing hitched.
“Spencer, baby? What’s wrong?” he asked, forgetting that he wasn’t supposed to care. Spencer sniffled.
“I had this dream, Jon. You got in this terrible accident and you car was crushed and there was so much blood and they put you on life support and I was holding your hand and they turned it off and I watched you trying to breathe and you died on me, you asshole!” Spencer screamed, half hysterically. Jon shushed him comfortingly.
“Spencer, baby. Calm down. Shhhhh… Spencer. Spencey, hush. I’m still here, honey. You hear me? I’m right here with you.” He continued to talk until he heard his lover’s frantic sobbing calm down. “Mkay, babe? You with me?”
“Yea.”” He whispred. Spencer sniffed, his breathing still uneven. “I love you, Jon Walker.”
Jon froze, not sure if he should reply truthfully or not. Then he realized he could never lie to Spencer. Especially not about that. “I love you, Spencer Smith.” Jon could hear him grin.
“So where do we stand, Jon?What’s going to happen to us?”
Jon sighed. “I dunno, honey. What do you think?”
“Well, I know that I still love you. And you still love me.”
“And I still want to be with you.”
“As do I.”
“So isn’t that enough?” Spencer asked. Jon thought for a moment. “Yea. I guess it is,” he said, the smile evident in his voice.
“What about Ryan and Brendon?”
“What about them?”
“Well, we can’t do this in front of them! Brendon’s locked himself in his room with basically all our food. I think he’s trying to make himself sick.”
“To forget about Ryan, I think.”
“Oh, Spencer. That’s terrible.”
“I know. I need to go check on himself. I’m worried he’s going to try to hurt himself.” He sighed. “How’s Ryan?”
Jon chuckled. “He’s not exactly here right now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember how we always suspected him of being on drugs?”
Spencer gasped. “Really?”
Jon made an affirmative noise. “As far as I know, it’s only LSD. So, he’s physically in the room next to me at this hotel, but mentally, he’s with Brendon.”
“Does he know that Brendon’s really still with me?”
“Every few hours he does. After it wears off and he realizes it was all a hallucination….” Jon trailed off, sighing. “It’s terrible, Spencer. He gets violent and he was just so hurt when he realized Brendon wasn’t there. He did another blotter within two hours. That can’t be good for him. I just… I don’t want to lose him, Spence.”
Spencer stayed silent for a long moment. “What is he doing now?” He heard Jon stand and walk a few steps. A door opened, followed by the sound of giggling.
“Hey! Jon! Jonnyboy! What’s going on, my brother, my friend?”
“Not much, Ryan. How’re you doing?””
“I’m doing awesome.” More giggling. “Baby, not in front of Jon!” Spencer heard the door close again. “Spencer,” Jon said, his voice pleading. Broken. Spencer sighed.
“I know, baby. I know. Can you go take the rest of his blotters from him?”
“I don’t know where he’s keeping them.”
Spencer was about to suggest just tearing Ryan’s room apart when he heard an anguished sound coming from Brendon’s room. It scared him because it was more scream than sob.
“Brendon?” Spencer called, running down the hall. He flung open the door right as Brendon screamed again. He was on all four at the foot of the bed, one hand clutching his stomach. His face was contorted in pain.
“Bren?” Spencer questioned, dropping the phone as he ran to his friend.
“Spence. Hurts,” he said, his voice strained as it came through clenched teeth.
“C’mon, Brendon. Let’s get you to the bathroom.
“Already been,” Brendon replied shortly. Spencer looked at him, bewildered.
“Shouldn’t you feel better then?”
Brendon looked at Spencer, a malicious glint in his eyes. “No, Spencer. Because I ate more as soon as I got back.” Spencer stared at him.
“You what? God, Brendon. Why? Why the hell would you do that?”
Brendon’s answer was single-handedly the most simple and complicated word at the same time. “Ryan.” Spencer sighed, exasperated.
“Fine! Go ahead! Go puke up your stomach and gorge some more, Brendon! See if I’ll be here to help you when you start screaming again! See if I’ll come clean up your puke! See if I’ll come pick you up when you pass out from the lack of nutrients in your system! See if I do! Because I won’t! I don’t care anymore!” he screamed, grabbing his abandoned phone and leaving, making sure to slam the door behind him. He put the phone to his ear, ready to apologize and vent when he realized that Jon wasn’t listening anyway.
“Ryan, he’s not here!”
“What did you do with him!?!”
“Nothing!” He was never here! You hallucinated him!”
Crash. Crash. Thud. A scream.
“Where is he?!?”
Thud. Crash. Thud.
“Where are your blotters?” Silence. “Give them to me!” Silence. “I’ll take them myself.”
Scrambling. Crash. Crash. Crash. Thud. Screaming. A victorious shout. The sound of bone meeting flesh. Thud. Panting.
“Oh, God. Jon? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” He sniffed. “Ugh. Asshole. Gave me a bloody nose.”
“I got his blotters.”
“That’s great, baby!”
A heavy sigh. “I had to knock him out to do it.”
“Oh. Jon, I-“ Spencer suddenly heard retching coming from the bathroom. Loud, pained vomiting.” Spencer heard Jon chuckle humorlessly.
“Sounds like both have problems to deal with.” Spencer hummed in agreement. “I’ll call you later, mkay sugar?”
Spencer smiled. “Sure.”
“Oh, and Spencer?”
“I love you.”
Spencer beamed. “I love you too, Jon.”
He hung up and headed for the bathroom. “Bren?”
“No. Don’t you dare, Spencer. Don’t you DARE. I don’t need your help, nor do I want it. Leave. Me. Alone.” Spencer stared at the door, mouth agape. Then he shrugged. “Alright,” he said simply before turning and going to his room.
On the other side of the door, Brendon stared with a mixture of relief and heartbreak, but mostly disbelief. Spencer had left him here all alone. He’d left him to his gluttony, just like he deserved.