Gerard and Leda talk FINALLY!
They all jump to my bedside and the room falls silent. I blink up at all of them, they stare back, expectantly.
"Guys…..I don't know what to say-" I start, my voice cracking slightly.
"You don't have to say anything, we all knew something was very wrong," Frank cuts in.
"I wasn't planing on going that far." I say sadly, staring at my bandaged arms. Gerard stares at his hands, it's weird having him in the same room as me.
"Good, we wouldn't want you to get THAT bad," Ray said.
"What do you mean that bad?" I say with a little too much attitude as intended. The guys look taken aback by my sudden outburst. But I wasn't holding back, I needed to let out some long-time emotions.
"You guys don't know how I feel, I could die tomorrow and I'd be looking forward to it," I feel a single tear run down my cheek.
"Don't say that!" Mikey cries. Ray and Frankie all share the same horrified expressions. Gerard now looks as guilty as ever, he stands up and grabs everyone's attention.
"Can you guys give us some privacy?" He says. The guys reluctantly make their way out, giving warning glances to Gerard. Once the door is swung closed behind them, Gerard sits down again. I sit and wait for him to say something, but he takes his time to think of what to say.
"I told you to be safe," He says as he looks up at me. Something about "be safe" sounded familiar.
Suddenly it clicked. "You're the one who saved me the first time, you're the one who gave me that note." I say, dumbfounded.
He nods, "And remember what it said? 'Don't forget and be safe. Leda, I didn't want you to forget how much it hurt you and how good it made you feel when you stopped. I was with you through all of that, you loved life after you stopped."
"Yeah, but your the reason why I stopped, and with the way you left, you should've known I wouldn't be able to hold back."
"Yes, that's why I ran to your house when you wouldn't pick up your phone or answer any of us. I knew what I was doing was gonna get me into deep shit so I kept it on the down-low and made you forget"
"Made me forget? Why would you get in trouble?" I was so confused now.
"I can't tell you, they would find out. I'm sorry. I got into a lot of shit, Leda. And it's just one of the things that I can't do." He buries his head in his palms.
"So I'm guessing your can't tell me who 'they' are?" He nods, sadly. I sigh and lay back down on my overly-fluffy hospital pillow.
"I'm so confused."
He nods again, "I know Leda, you already know too much. I don't want you getting hurt."
I lift my arms, "Well I survived this," I say sarcastically.
Gerard smirks, "With my help."
"Please tell me, Gee," Oh god, the nickname. How could I let it slip?I was supposed to be mad at him, It just came out.
He shakes his head and takes my hand. Not minding the slip up.
"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you were?" He said, changing the subject and taking my hand. I shift uncomfortably.
"Gerard, as much as I love hearing you say that again, you cheated on me and broke up with me. I really don't believe it anymore." He squeezed my hand and brought it to his lips.
"I never wanted to do any of that." His voice held regret to match his expression.
"What do you mean?" My heart skips a beat.