The sobbing was getting louder, I could hear the faint sound of people talking, though I was unable to make out what they were actually saying, it was just a buzzing noise to me. I was numb or almost numb anyway. I could still feel the icy rain pouring down on me, and something pushing down on my chest repeatedly. It didn’t hurt as such, but I can’t say that it was pleasant or comfortable. Earlier I had heard Mikey, he was crying, and yet now I had lost that for some strange reason. Perhaps Frank had been wrong, maybe it wasn’t my choice if I lived or died, maybe I was going to die anyway. For the first time in a long, long time, I didn’t want to. I was young, I had my whole life ahead of me, I didn’t want to die, not just yet. everything was fading quickly, the weird sensation I had felt on my chest had stopped, maybe I was just too far away from it, or perhaps whoever was causing had given in. the rain had stopped as well, but maybe it was still raining but I just could no longer feel it.
“I thought you wanted to live?” I hear Frank`s voice whisper in my ear, his cool breath tickles my skin, but I can`t turn my head to see him, it was too heavy. I doubted I would have been able to actually see him anyway.
“I thought that you were going to fight Gerard, I believed in you.”
I do want to fight. I try to tell him, but I can’t find the energy to speak, I don’t even know how to open my eyes, let alone move my mouth and form words.
“Open them Gerard, open your eyes.” I struggle to do as he said, but nothing happened. I can almost see Frank`s chocolate eyes narrow, I can picture a frown forming on his lips.
“Again,” he orders, “try again.” I want to tell him that I have tried, that it isn’t my fault that my body wouldn’t do whets I wanted it to do, but I couldn’t. He probably wouldn’t have believed me anyway.
“Gerard Way, open you fucking eyes! You are better than this, stronger than this!” I want to shake my head. If I was able to cry, tears would most likely be spilling from my eyes, streaming down my pale face.
“Think of Mikey, Gerard, what would he think if he knew that you had the power to save yourself but refused to?!” that was not fair. I loved my little brother, I wasn’t doing this on purpose, I actually wanted to open my eyes, to live.
“Try again Gerard, now!” I feel a sharp pain in my side, and wince, a bright light suddenly bursting t through the darkness that I had been seeing, almost blinding me.
I could see now, I was lying in the middle of the wet, bloody road, out of the corner of my eye I could see my friends and my family, minus my father of course, he was probably out getting drunk somewhere, like always. Ray and Bob were there, Megan was with Mikey, her arms wrapped around him loosely, trying her best to comfort him. I was glad Mikey had her, I hadn’t been too fond of the girl at first, but I was glad that my younger brother had found someone who made him happy. No one had noticed my eyes were open yet, so I watched in silence, too weak to move, as he paramedic walked over, head lowered, to the small group of my friends and family.
“Mrs. Way, I am afraid and dreadfully sorry, but I must tell you that-“
I hear Mike scream and fall to his knees, fresh tears falling from his eyes. I was feeling sleepy, it had taken so much effort to keep my eyes open and to listen, surely it wouldn’t hurt to close them, just for a little bit?
“No, Gerard.” Frank warns me, but despite struggling to keep my eyes open, I feel them involuntary close.
This time I face regular darkness, the kind where you have just shut your eyes and are ready to sleep, and I am thankfully still aware of my surroundings. I feel something, probably a someone, kneel next to me, and cradle my head to their body. They were really warm, either that or I was just cold, and I felt comforted.
My heart nearly stops when I hear them speak, or sob really. It hurt me so much to realise how much pain they were in, I never really thought that anyone would miss me, not like this anyway.
“My baby, sweetie, I`m so, so sorry, please…”
My eyes shoot open, suddenly finding energy I didn’t even know I had.
“Your...alive?!” she holds me tighter, and I hear everyone`s hurried footsteps as they all run over to see me. She presses kiss after kiss to my forehead, normally I would have complained and wiped them away, but not today.
“Oh, my baby, I can’t believe it! I`m just so, so happy your okay,” she pauses, and turns to face the shocked paramedics. “He is going to be okay, isn`t he?”
They nod, “he has a broken arm and a nasty head wound, a broken rib and probably concussion. And he is probably really feeling the cold.” She smiles, “but he will be alright. Obviously he will need to be taken to hospital and be checked over, but I am sure that he will be fine, somehow. You are very lucky Gerard.”
I smile weakly. “I know.” I whisper in a hoarse voice.
Mikey frowns, “but you said he was dead, so how is-”
The other paramedic looks confused. “I don’t know. Your brother`s heart had stopped, he was dead.” He scratches his head. “And yet here he is, alive.” He pauses. “I don’t know how he is alive again; maybe his guardian angel was working super hard or something.” He laughs, clearly showing that he didn`t believe in that sort of thing, yet he still was unable to think of a real reason as to how the young man was alive. “Or maybe, Gerard just refused to give in.”
I smile, maybe a slightly sad one as I watch Gerard get in the ambulance and taken to the nearby hospital. I was proud of him, he hadn’t given in. I was happy for him and for his family; they clearly loved him a lot, if only Gerard was able to notice it. My work here was not done of course; I still had much to do. The stupid paramedic had been rift about one thing though; his guardian angel had been working super hard. And he would continue to do so. I turn and walk away from the scene of the accident. The pieces of the girl`s motorbike were starting to be taken away. If I had the chance I would check in on her, although it was not my place to do so.
It felt odd, strange, weird, to be back here, on Earth. While it hadn’t really been that long, I already felt alien, I didn’t belong here anymore and I knew it. I thought that if I returned, things would begin to make sense again, maybe I could move on, but so far nothing. In all honesty, I felt worse now that I was back. I wasn’t supposed to be here, I was stupid in thinking it would make things better, give me chance to heal. It wouldn’t, I saw that now. I just wanted to see it one last time, to say goodbye, I had never really gotten a chance to do that. I was lying to myself of course; it was her that I was so desperate to see one last time, though it was pointless really. She was alive, I wasn’t. She had moved on. I hadn’t. She couldn’t see me.
I sigh and walk though the hospital entrance, and make my way to the room Gerard was in, not really paying attention to anything or anyone,
It wasn’t like the humans could see me anyway…boy was I wrong….
was it okay?