Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Say Goodbye to the Hearts You Break
Say Goodbye to the Hearts You Break
0 ReviewsSad Waycest oneshot. Gerard goes to college.
Say Goodbye to the Hearts You Break
Disclaimer: I own nothing of MCR. At all. This story isn't true. If you don't like it then read something else. This contains self-harm, incest, etc. etc. etc.
100% Mikey's POV
~*~
The week before it happened, it seemed unreal. I knew it was staring me in the face, but I just didn't accept it. There was no way he would ever leave me.
Of course he did.
As the blood trickled down my wrist, I reflected upon my misfortune.
My misfortune of falling in love.
~*~
The date seemed to punch me in the face when I awoke that morning.
August 1st.
The day Gerard left for college.
I wanted to run into my brother's bedroom and hug him forever, but he was asleep. I would've skipped school and my parents would've let me, but Gerard would not be happy if I woke him. I had learned that the hard way.
School sucked that day. My phone got taken away because it went off in Chem, I failed a History test, I got picked last in P.E., and I fell asleep in Pre-Calc. My life is shit, but usually not that much shit. I knew that it wasn't going to get easier when I got home.
After riding home on the bus with a bunch of snot-nosed freshmen, I arrived at my house to find Gerard pushing a box into the van with difficulty. The fact that he was going to Hannover and probably not coming back for a long time finally hit me harder than ever. I ran into my room and slammed the door shut, trying to calm myself down with some deep breaths. I wasn't succeeding, because the fact was that I had been in love with my brother for quite some time.
~*~
I guess I first realized it when I was 13 and he was 15. He was in the school play as 'Raoul' from The Phantom of the Opera. He sang so beautifully on the stage there, and he seemed so in love with whomever that girl was. I couldn't look away, and that was when it first hit me that he has really nice eyes. I started looking for other things in him that I had never noticed before, like the height of his cheekbones, and the way his hair fell.
When he came home that night, he and I played Rock Band. We laughed a lot, and we played it so intensely that Gerard had to take off his shirt.
I added another item to the list of "nice things about Gerard":
Hot.
I couldn't look away. He seemed to notice, and said, "Like what you see?"
Playing along, I smirked. "As always."
I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow this morphed into an absurd brotherly tickle fight. Except it wasn't much of a fight.
"Mmph," I said after about 10 minutes. "Get off me, Gerard."
But he didn't answer: He had fallen asleep. That guy gets nap attacks like no other.
He looked so serene, with his open mouth blowing the hair off his face like in a movie. That said, his body on mine was just uncomfortable enough to prevent me from falling asleep immediately. Thus, I let my mind wander.
By the time I fell asleep that night, I had added too many items to the list of "things Gerard has going for him" to count: His cute nose, his ability to look good with any haircut, his athleticism.
Suddenly, I thought of another, one that I couldn't believe I had missed: His voice.
I remembered the school play, and the songs he had sung to Christine Daae.
"Love me, that's all I ask of you..."
I had dreams that night of the same scenario, but with a very different person playing Christine...
~*~
Laying on my bed some three years later, I knew that I should've been over him. I should be in love with someone whom it's...legal to be in love with. But I needed him. My friends set me up on dates with girls, but I never connected with any of them.
Bang bang!
Two loud raps on the door interrupted my frenzied brain. "Yeah?" I said automatically.
"Wanna play Rock Band one last time before I go?" Gerard's voice asked.
This might be my last chance to tell him, I thought. I had to tell him eventually. This wasn't the kind of secret you took to the grave.
"'Kay," I murmured.
As usual, I was on bass, and he on vocals. "You pick the song," I told him.
He picked the one we could never pass, "Time Is Running Out" by Papa Roach.
How appropriate the title was.
When there was a break in the vocal part, I took a deep breath. I prided myself on my Rock Band-bass playing skills, so I didn't even miss a note when I prepared to make the confession of my life.
"Hey, Gee?" I murmured, quietly, because inside I secretly hoped he wouldn't hear.
"Yeah?" he replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.
Just do it now, I told myself. Just get it over with...before it's too late. This required a courage I did not possess. But I had to. I had sort of taken my mind off the game, and I was missing notes like nobody's business. My heart was pounding like I was about to be brought to the electric chair.
I inhaled deeply. I had to do this. I heard myself say, "Gee, I love you."
He smiled. "I love you too, man."
Of course. He thought I meant like a brother. The way I was supposed to love him.
"No..." I said weakly. "Not...like that..."
I could literally feel Gerard's concentration on the game break, right when he was supposed to come back in with the vocals. I could hear his mind whirring, putting the pieces together to form the hideous, grisly picture.
He turned to me slowly, with an expression of mixed shock and distaste on his face. His mouth hung open, asking without words the question that my eyes seemed to answer.
"Are you-" His shock morphed to disbelief. The TV screamed 'FAILED!!' at us. "Seriously? That is the most - wrong - disgusting - " He stood up, with an emotion very close to loathing on his face, with a bit of mistrust and revulsion mixed in. "I'm sorry, but - ewww!"
He tore out of the room. I hesitated for less than a second, before jumping up and running after him, leaving behind the TV that showed our failing scores. My heart was breaking like a knife was cutting through it in slow-mo.
I found him in his bedroom, which was unnaturally neat. He grabbed his keys off his nightstand and his jacket off the peg on his wall. He then tried to run through the door, but was blocked by an obstacle in the shape of his confused, silently crying brother. He looked at me with disgust in his eyes, but I thought I could see a trace of pity.
"Goodbye, Mikey," he said with an air of finality, before he pushed past me.
I stood there in shocked disbelief, staring at his empty room and listening to the car engine start. By the time I had recovered enough to look out the front window, Gerard's car was no longer in the driveway.
~*~
I dragged the blade across my wrist one more time, reveling in the pain. I had known much worse agony than this.
Very slowly, I cleaned myself off, thinking of how Gerard would never have wanted me to do this. I wondered if he felt different now. We hadn't spoken in months.
I wandered to my bedroom, laying across my bed and thinking about Gerard. I knew that if he didn't want me, there was no way I would survive. I would be alive, but I would never truly live without him.
He wouldn't want me to kill myself, but that was before he knew what I really was. An incestual self- harming freak. I'm sure now he'd think differently.
Not now, not today, but soon, I would do it. And I would think about him the whole time.
Just as he said goodbye to me, I would say goodbye to him.
I smiled and fell asleep.
~*~
-end open to interpretation :):)-
Yeahh. So when my sister left for college, I was sad. I wasn't in love with her, but I still cried a lot. Thinking back on it recently, I decided to write something: My first (and probably last) Waycest.
Personally, I dislike Waycest. I think it's dumb and that Frerard is way better. But this story wouldn't have worked with Frerard, am I right?
-A
Disclaimer: I own nothing of MCR. At all. This story isn't true. If you don't like it then read something else. This contains self-harm, incest, etc. etc. etc.
100% Mikey's POV
~*~
The week before it happened, it seemed unreal. I knew it was staring me in the face, but I just didn't accept it. There was no way he would ever leave me.
Of course he did.
As the blood trickled down my wrist, I reflected upon my misfortune.
My misfortune of falling in love.
~*~
The date seemed to punch me in the face when I awoke that morning.
August 1st.
The day Gerard left for college.
I wanted to run into my brother's bedroom and hug him forever, but he was asleep. I would've skipped school and my parents would've let me, but Gerard would not be happy if I woke him. I had learned that the hard way.
School sucked that day. My phone got taken away because it went off in Chem, I failed a History test, I got picked last in P.E., and I fell asleep in Pre-Calc. My life is shit, but usually not that much shit. I knew that it wasn't going to get easier when I got home.
After riding home on the bus with a bunch of snot-nosed freshmen, I arrived at my house to find Gerard pushing a box into the van with difficulty. The fact that he was going to Hannover and probably not coming back for a long time finally hit me harder than ever. I ran into my room and slammed the door shut, trying to calm myself down with some deep breaths. I wasn't succeeding, because the fact was that I had been in love with my brother for quite some time.
~*~
I guess I first realized it when I was 13 and he was 15. He was in the school play as 'Raoul' from The Phantom of the Opera. He sang so beautifully on the stage there, and he seemed so in love with whomever that girl was. I couldn't look away, and that was when it first hit me that he has really nice eyes. I started looking for other things in him that I had never noticed before, like the height of his cheekbones, and the way his hair fell.
When he came home that night, he and I played Rock Band. We laughed a lot, and we played it so intensely that Gerard had to take off his shirt.
I added another item to the list of "nice things about Gerard":
Hot.
I couldn't look away. He seemed to notice, and said, "Like what you see?"
Playing along, I smirked. "As always."
I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow this morphed into an absurd brotherly tickle fight. Except it wasn't much of a fight.
"Mmph," I said after about 10 minutes. "Get off me, Gerard."
But he didn't answer: He had fallen asleep. That guy gets nap attacks like no other.
He looked so serene, with his open mouth blowing the hair off his face like in a movie. That said, his body on mine was just uncomfortable enough to prevent me from falling asleep immediately. Thus, I let my mind wander.
By the time I fell asleep that night, I had added too many items to the list of "things Gerard has going for him" to count: His cute nose, his ability to look good with any haircut, his athleticism.
Suddenly, I thought of another, one that I couldn't believe I had missed: His voice.
I remembered the school play, and the songs he had sung to Christine Daae.
"Love me, that's all I ask of you..."
I had dreams that night of the same scenario, but with a very different person playing Christine...
~*~
Laying on my bed some three years later, I knew that I should've been over him. I should be in love with someone whom it's...legal to be in love with. But I needed him. My friends set me up on dates with girls, but I never connected with any of them.
Bang bang!
Two loud raps on the door interrupted my frenzied brain. "Yeah?" I said automatically.
"Wanna play Rock Band one last time before I go?" Gerard's voice asked.
This might be my last chance to tell him, I thought. I had to tell him eventually. This wasn't the kind of secret you took to the grave.
"'Kay," I murmured.
As usual, I was on bass, and he on vocals. "You pick the song," I told him.
He picked the one we could never pass, "Time Is Running Out" by Papa Roach.
How appropriate the title was.
When there was a break in the vocal part, I took a deep breath. I prided myself on my Rock Band-bass playing skills, so I didn't even miss a note when I prepared to make the confession of my life.
"Hey, Gee?" I murmured, quietly, because inside I secretly hoped he wouldn't hear.
"Yeah?" he replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.
Just do it now, I told myself. Just get it over with...before it's too late. This required a courage I did not possess. But I had to. I had sort of taken my mind off the game, and I was missing notes like nobody's business. My heart was pounding like I was about to be brought to the electric chair.
I inhaled deeply. I had to do this. I heard myself say, "Gee, I love you."
He smiled. "I love you too, man."
Of course. He thought I meant like a brother. The way I was supposed to love him.
"No..." I said weakly. "Not...like that..."
I could literally feel Gerard's concentration on the game break, right when he was supposed to come back in with the vocals. I could hear his mind whirring, putting the pieces together to form the hideous, grisly picture.
He turned to me slowly, with an expression of mixed shock and distaste on his face. His mouth hung open, asking without words the question that my eyes seemed to answer.
"Are you-" His shock morphed to disbelief. The TV screamed 'FAILED!!' at us. "Seriously? That is the most - wrong - disgusting - " He stood up, with an emotion very close to loathing on his face, with a bit of mistrust and revulsion mixed in. "I'm sorry, but - ewww!"
He tore out of the room. I hesitated for less than a second, before jumping up and running after him, leaving behind the TV that showed our failing scores. My heart was breaking like a knife was cutting through it in slow-mo.
I found him in his bedroom, which was unnaturally neat. He grabbed his keys off his nightstand and his jacket off the peg on his wall. He then tried to run through the door, but was blocked by an obstacle in the shape of his confused, silently crying brother. He looked at me with disgust in his eyes, but I thought I could see a trace of pity.
"Goodbye, Mikey," he said with an air of finality, before he pushed past me.
I stood there in shocked disbelief, staring at his empty room and listening to the car engine start. By the time I had recovered enough to look out the front window, Gerard's car was no longer in the driveway.
~*~
I dragged the blade across my wrist one more time, reveling in the pain. I had known much worse agony than this.
Very slowly, I cleaned myself off, thinking of how Gerard would never have wanted me to do this. I wondered if he felt different now. We hadn't spoken in months.
I wandered to my bedroom, laying across my bed and thinking about Gerard. I knew that if he didn't want me, there was no way I would survive. I would be alive, but I would never truly live without him.
He wouldn't want me to kill myself, but that was before he knew what I really was. An incestual self- harming freak. I'm sure now he'd think differently.
Not now, not today, but soon, I would do it. And I would think about him the whole time.
Just as he said goodbye to me, I would say goodbye to him.
I smiled and fell asleep.
~*~
-end open to interpretation :):)-
Yeahh. So when my sister left for college, I was sad. I wasn't in love with her, but I still cried a lot. Thinking back on it recently, I decided to write something: My first (and probably last) Waycest.
Personally, I dislike Waycest. I think it's dumb and that Frerard is way better. But this story wouldn't have worked with Frerard, am I right?
-A
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