In my dreams I’m with her but then when I wake up, I wake up to the horrible memory of what happened and her being gone.
I’ve been told over and over again that none of this was my fault and that I did nothing wrong but on the inside I feel like everything was my fault.
Their was a sudden slight knock on the bedroom door that made me jump. I looked up rubbing my eyes as Ria, the care worker, then walked in.
“you need some light in this room Kiddo” she said as she walked over to the window and opened up the blinds.
I just grunted in reply as I shut my eyes from being blinded by sunlight as I then turned over onto my left side and faced the wall.
I heard Ria sigh before hearing footsteps near and the bed shift a little
“Skylar” she began as she placed her hand on my shoulder, “I know things are tough right now and I know that you just want to get away from all this but from this point forward there is no turning back. we’re here to help you”
“well I don’t need your help” I said, shaking her hand off my shoulder and scooting closer to the
wall “Just leave me alone”
“Sammie is going to be here soon”
“I don't care! Just leave me alone!”
Ria sighed again as she then stood up and walked towards the door.
“You know, skylar, I'm here for you. We all are” was the last thing she said before closing the door behind herself as she left my room.
I just layed their in bed, staring at the wall as a million thoughts ran through my head all at once. I mean, what if this was all just a dream? What if none of this actually happened and my mom was still alive?
I sighed. I knew that it wasn’t just a dream and that it really happened. But Ria is right. From this point forward there is no turning back. And As hard as it is going to be, I just got to face the facts of everything that has happened this past week and move on.
I sat up and looked around the room as I rubbed my eyes. I had been crying? I reached down onto the floor and pulled my bag of clothes out from under the bed. I guess I should make an attempt at getting dressed seeing as Sammy, my social worker, would be here anytime now.
I opened the bag and pulled out a tight black Alesana tank and a regular pair of black skinny jeans and quickly threw them on.
Throwing the bag back onto the floor, landing with a thud, I threw myself back down on the bed, burying my head into the pillow
I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I knew I was being woken up again by my social worker, sammy.
“hey kiddo” she said, wrapping her arms around me.
Samantha James. Thirty years old and the best social worker that anyone could ever have. She is like a sister to me.
I’ve known Sammy since I was six years old. I came home from school one day to see my mom in the living room talking to a lady I've never seen before. She then introduced herself to me as Sam. At six years old, I never actually understood as to why she was their but then as I got older I realized that she was their for us, for me, because of how we lived.
You see, my mom did everything she ever could to make sure that I had a roof over my head and food to eat. It wasn't much, I mean the house we lived in was falling apart, nothing really worked in that house other than electricity. My mom was working three jobs. Three jobs!! and not even that was enough according to her. I have been in and out of foster homes. 4 to be exact because people thought that the way mom and I were living wasn't good enough. But my mom never gave up and neither did Sam.
“Hey Sammy” I replied, tiredly, as I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her and not wanting to let go. “im scared”
“i know you are sweety but things are going to get better, I promise you”
“Sammy?” I said as I looked up at her, “whats going to happen next?”
“Well..” she started, holding me and looking into my sad, tired eyes “Right now we are doing our best to find someone who you can live with. Someone to take you in. we’re doing our best right now at looking back on your mothers family history. But seeing as their has been quite a lot of changes throughout the years, its quite hard. But we are doing our best, Skylar. All that we can do but I promise you that not matter what, I am going to be their for you every step of the way”
“So…what…what if you cant find any of my moms family or what if they don’t want me or nobody wants me…what happens then?”
“we have to put you with somebody, Skylar. We’re not just going to leave you here”
“I promise, Kiddo. Now come on. Im not just going to let you sit around and cry all day long. We need your help with some stuff back at….” She stopped
“back at..my moms house?” I said quietly, looking down. Sam put an arm around me
“Yeah” she said quietly
“Im…Im not sure if Im ready Sam”
“I know Hon but…we really need you, I really need you to pull together just for a little bit, please?”
Sigh I don’t know exactly WHAT it is she needs my help with but…here goes nothing…