One day when Frank's cleaning the house he decides to go up in the attic, which ends up with him taking a trip down memory lane.
WARNING: VIOLENCE, RAPE, and BULLYING!
Memories- Chapter 1 (One and only chapter! Maybe...)
It was an cool October morning in New Jersey and the tree's leaves were falling and changing in a variety of colors, the day was moving slowly and I was bored as hell, all my friends were busy, so I decided that I should clean the house. I first started with the living room. After I vacuumed the carpet and straightened up the couch's pillows, I decided to clean up my room which was the dirtiest room in the house. I went to my room, vacuumed the carpet, did my bed, and dusted off the shelves.
After a couple hours of cleaning every room in the house was clean except for the attic. I looked at the clocked and it read 3:30 PM. I knew that my husband still wasn't gonna be home from work till about 5 'o clock. At this point I was willing to clean the attic even though I haven't been up the since the first time I went there to put some photo albums and some old things up there, which was about 2 years ago. I don't like going in there because it's creepy, It always felt as if something bad was going to happen.
After a little thinking and after telling myself over and over that I was just paranoid, I went to clean the attic. I slowly walked up the stairs towards the attic, finally I reached the door. I cautiously put my hand on knob and turned it, as the door opened it made an eerie creaking sound. It freaked me out so much I almost ran back down the stairs but I assured myself it was okay and to calm down that the only reason it creaked was because the door hasn't been opened in 2 years.
I slowly stepped into the room and turned the switch to turn on the lights. Once the lights were on I was amazed by how much stuff was up here, there were many boxes labeled on the outside reading a variety of things like Photos, Toys (from when I was a kid), and Other. There where even some old statues and paintings, There was a load full of dust on the boxes, floor, and walls. I dusted everything in the attic and mopped the wooden floor in the attic. After I clean everything in the attic I decided to look through the boxes. First I opened the box labeled Toys.
In the 'Toy' box, I found most of my husbands' old toys and only some of mine here and there, growing bored with the box, I put all the things back inside it and put that box away and opened up the 'Photo' box. Inside the box I found a bunch of my baby and childhood pictures, I found a picture of me with my mom and dad. We looked so happy, my mom had huge smile so did I, but my dad had a serious face but you could still tell that he was happy. When I was younger, I would miss those days so much I would always hope that one day I would go to bed and switch places with my mom and never wake up.
When I was ten, my mom was shot to death, she was trying to protect me. I was the one that was supposed to be shot, but being the protective mother that she was, she jumped in front of me and took the shot. She got shot four times in the chest, two of which hit her directly in her heart. After she got shot, she fell to the floor and layed on my laps. I remember that day so vividly.
10 years ago
Hey mom! Can we go to the park? Please! Please!" I begged my mom.
"Sure Frankie, You wanna play a game or do you just wanna take a walk?"
"I wanna walk and enjoy the natural wonders."
"Frank, sometimes I wonder if you are really ten years old, you sound like an old man." she teased
"Yeah whatever, I don't like wasting my life playing games, I want to do something that will make an actual change in this contaminated world."
"Yeah, I wanna see you get famous and be able to say 'Hey that's my baby boy!'" She joked.
"Yup, one day I promise you that I will take you around the world." I said in a serious tone.
"You know Frank, I'll support whatever decisions you decide to do with your life, remember that I will support you in everything and anything."
"Thanks mom, I'll keep that in mind."
Since we didn't have a car we walked all the way to the park, once we reached there we sat down on a bench for a little while after a couple of minutes we started walking around the park. We took our shoes off and let the cool, green, ticklish grass touch our feet, we rolled in the grass for a while and then we put our shoes back on. Then we started to stroll around the playground watching the younger kids play there.
"Hey mom did I used to look that cute?"
"Nope, you were way cuter than them."
"Yeah right whatever."
"Hey you've seen your baby pictures you know that you were super cut---" Then we heard it.
"EVERYONE RUN HE HAS A GUN!!!!!" Some woman screamed.
Too shocked for words I stood there frozen in fear and shock, I tried to move but I couldn't. Then I saw a tall man wearing all black and black mask, his face as completely covered except for his eyes, his eyes were so Grey and cold. He stood there in front of me with a 43. in his hand, I was so scared I could already feel the bullet. I was practically waiting for him to shoot me, I closed my eyes and there was a long period of silence, everything felt frozen I couldn't even hear my heavy, ragged breathing. Then suddenly as fast as a blink of an eye I heard the drop of a gun. BAM! Then again. BAM! Once again. BAM! Then one last time. BAM!.
I expected to feel pain shooting through out my body but nothing, I slowly open my eyes and looked around there were people hiding behind trees slowly coming out, I no longer saw the shooter. I looked around for my mom but saw nothing, then the smell of blood caught my attention. I slowly looked down at the floor and saw my mom. She layed on the floor bleeding out a beautiful dark red color, the blood was pouring out onto the green grass staining it with red. I felt a lump start to rise in my throat, and my eyes started to sting. My legs soon grew weak and I slowly fell to the floor into my knees. I slowly moved towards my mother and lifted her head onto my laps.
"Momma, you're gonna be okay." I started to cry silently.
"Baby, you and I both know that I'm not going to make it." She said barely above a whisper.
"No, yes you are going to make it, please don't leave me." I wailed.
"I guess it's my time sweetie, I promise I'll always be watching you."
"No, If you leave you'll never see me get married and have kids, You'll never see me get famous. You can't leave I promised you that I would take you around the world, You'll never get to live life to the fullest. You can't die like this." I said.
"Frankie, I don't care about any of that, I'll die happy as long as you, my little baby boy, will be the last thing that I see." She said and she started to cry with me.
"You know someone already called the ambulance if they come in time you'll be fine."
"No I know that I'm going to die, I can feel it. I'm so sorry I can't watch you grow up Frankie."
"I understand now, It's okay just don't use your energy, I love you mommy."
"I love you too, baby" And with that she took her last breath, and died that day it was March 12.
xxxEND OF FLASHBACKxxx
The ambulance came just two minutes late that day. On that day everything changed in my life, my mother was gone, my family from my mother's side completely ignored me after the funeral, and my dad blamed me for her death. After looking through a bunch of other pictures, I put them all away and put the box back.
Then I grabbed the last box that was there, the Other box. I slowly opened it, and looked inside of it, there was an old looking lamp and a black bag and some books. I suddenly recognized the black bag, it was the bag I used to carry everywhere after my mother died. I kept all sorts of things in there, Like clothes, books, journals, and other things. I slowly took the bag out of the box and opened it. I looked inside of it and found a bunch of notebooks and pencils. I took out one notebook and found a bunch of old lyrics I wrote when I was in high school. I looked through a couple of pages and found one of my favorite songs, I named it 5th Period Massacre. I started to read over the lyrics.
Killed my hopes (Revenge!)
Called me names (Revenge!)
Broke my jaw (Revenge!)
It's always the same (Revenge!)
There's no escape
I'm just like you
Gave you everything
Nobody loves me
It's making me insane
Killed my hopes (Revenge!)
Called me names (Revenge!)
Broke my jaw (Revenge!)
It's always the same (Revenge!)
Why do you all hate me
Everyone's against me
Mommy don't care
Daddy cant help
Made it hell
Called me names
I wanna die
Maybe I can find
A way to make you all
I never lied
I'm just like you
Now you'll pay
With your fucking life.
Went to dad's closet
I picked up his .45
Grabbed 3 boxes of bullets
And on my hip they shall reside..
Until I opened the gym doors
You should have seen those fucks run
I poured out a full clip
In their backs I got some
I've finally found my smile
It's pure and blood stained
So who's the bitch now?
I'll paint the lockers with your brains
Nothing can help this fucking pain in my heart
Nothing compares to this pain in my heart
Nothing can take away this pain in my heart
But your blood on my hands,
Well at least it's a start
After reading over the lyrics, I thought about why I wrote those lyrics. The only reason why I put 'Mommy don't care, Daddy can't help' was because my mom obvious couldn't care, she's dead, daddy can't help cause he hates me. But why I actually wrote them was because I was bullied quite badly in high school, I remembered when I reached my breaking point and threatened someone...
"Hey Iero! Oi faggot I'm talking to you!" Yelled my bully, Fred.
I remained sitting there still as a statue on the gym's bleachers, ignoring him.
"Hey dumbass, you're a fag, you're stupid and ugly and now you can't talk? You really are useless." He said, insulting me. Even though none of his insults actually ever hurt me, that comment right there really actually did hurt. I felt my eyes start to sting, and I quickly put my head down before he saw the tears start to form in my eyes. I was too slow, as usual.
"Aww, Is the retarded little faggot gonna cry? Poor baby." He mocked. He continued mocking and teasing me but I zoned out of what he was saying and started chanting in my head 'Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP, SHUTUP!!!!'. It wasn't until he punched me did I go back to reality.
"Damn faggot, I was talking to you, don't fucking ignore me idiot!" Even if he told me not to I ignored him anyways.
"I know that you can hear me! Wow, I can see why your mom killed herself, she didn't want to see you, her fucking useless failure of a faggot son!" With that comment I stopped being silent and finally talked back to him.
"Shut up." I mumbled.
"What was that, gay-fer?" He replied.
"I said shut the fuck up!" I snapped in a loudish tone of voice.
"Make me, fag." He threatened.
I slowly got off the floor and stood up and walked in his direction.
"What you gonna do fag? Turn me gay?"
I finally reached where he was and stood in front of him, him over towering me more than seven inches, him being six feet tall. He had a cold look in his eye that reminded me of my father, which got me even angrier.
"You don't scare me faggot, you're a fucking midget."
I must have had a crazed, psychotic look on my face because I could hear the fear in his voice.
"I can hear the fucking fear in your voice bitch." I said in my real voice because I never spoke to anyone and when I did I used a highish pitched voice, well too high for a sixteen year old. My real voice was ten times deeper and raspyish.
"What the hell is wrong with you voice?" He said trying to cover his fear this time.
"Bitch, trying to hide it isn't gonna help anything, I already know you're scared you fucking cunt!" I said talking to him with venom in my words.
I continued. "If you ever talk like that about my mother again, you don't wanna know what I'll do to you, asswipe."
"What are you gonna do? Rape me?" He said mocking my sexual orientation.
"I'll go to my dad's closet---"
"And wait til' your dad's home so he can fuck you." He said interrupting me. I lifted my fist and punched his nose and it started to bleed. While he grabbed his nose I kicked him to the ground as he layed on the floor, I put my foot on his chest preventing him from getting up. Then I continued what I was saying.
"No, I'll go to his closet, Take out his 45. come to school with it, go to this class period which is 5th period and I'll put a full clip in and I'll fucking shoot you to death just like some random asshole did to my dear mother. Lastly I'll paint the lockers with your brain."
I saw the sudden realization hit his eyes, that my mom did not kill herself but she was murdered. After some more kicks to his ribs, I left him there on the floor bleeding from his nose and mouth...
xxxEND OF FLASHBACKxxx
After reading a couple more lyrics I put that notebook. Looking through the bag I slowly emptied it out and it was full of useless crap. Once the bag was completely empty I found a folded piece of paper at the bottom of the bag. I quickly took it out curious to what was written on it. The paper looked like it was crumbled into a ball but then opened and folded, I then unfolded it. At the top of the page it read Memories by Frank Iero. I couldn't remember when I wrote it, so I started to read it to my self.
Memories by Frank Iero
I hate myself,
I want to die,
I love myself,
that's just a lie.
I can't take it
the days grow short,
the nights get longer.
I know you're not alive,
but just the memories,
make me start to cry.
I know you can't
hurt me anymore,
but I'll never forget
the night you died.
you came home
to abuse me again,
you did that
every single day.
you began to beat me,
I started to scream,
usually no one ever came.
but I had called
the cops that night,
raped me again.
the cops came in
time to save me,
you didn't want
to let me go.
so one shot you that night,
and he killed you,
You, the evil demon
that never left me alone.
You, the man that
forever haunts my dreams,
and makes them
You, the man who almost
beat me to death every night,
You, the man who stole
You, the one I call my
After reading the poem I remembered when I wrote it, I wrote it two years ago a week after I met my husband, who wasn't even my friend at the time. The truth about my father is that he started to abuse me physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually after my mother died. I remember the first time that he raped me, It was so traumatizing and painful...
xxxFLASHBACKxxx (A/N:Sorry for so many flashbacks)
I was walking home from school, because my dad didn't like driving me around. So that left me to walk seven freaking blocks, and I was on the fifth one. After a couple more blocks, I finally reached my house. I walked up to the door, got my key out and unlocked the door. When I opened the door I was shocked at what I saw.
I saw a bunch of empty beer cans. It was strange because my dad didn't drink that much, he did a bunch of drugs but he never drank enough to get drunk.
"Dad?" I called out wondering where he was exactly.
"Dad." I said more of a statement than a question this time since I heard no reply. I waited a couple of more minutes until finally I got a response.
"What're ya want, lil' fucka!" He replyed in a slurred voice. (A/N:Sorry if 'my' drunken slur looks bad I don't know how to write out like a drunk person.)
"I was just wondering where you were, I'll go to my room or do you want me to make you something to eat?"
"Make ma sumthin' ta eat!"
"Okay I'll be in the kitchen." And with that I quickly rushed to the kitchen, fearing his drunken self.
As I started to cook some spaghetti I suddenly heard the kitchen door open and I saw my dad with a creepy look on his face. He slowly walked over towards me, and stood right behind me. He was so strangely close that I could smell the alcohol on him. He grabbed my shoulders and turned me around so that I was facing him, he was starting to creep me out.
"Umm.. Dad what are you doing?" At that exact moment he crushed his lips onto mine, I could taste the alcohol on his mouth. After processing what was happening I quickly shoved him off me. Since I was ten I knew that what he was doing was wrong.
"What the Hell are you doing!?!"
"Shut up you little faggot I'm just doing what I know you want, and you know what? You look just like your mother." He was talking normally so I knew that he wasn't drunk anymore.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Shut up or else I'll fucking kill you." He said bringing out a knife. The moment I saw the knife I knew I had to listen to him
"Okay, okay I'll shut up." I said putting my hands up in defeat.
"Okay, now do as I say, Turn off the stove and go to your room." I did as he said and walked up the stairs to my room, him trailing right behind me.
"Now take off your clothes and lay on your bed." I turned and looked at him wide-eyed with shock.
"What! No,You creeper!" I yelled in shock.
"What did I tell you about talking!" He screamed and punched me in the face.
"Ow!" I yelped out in pain. He then punched my jaw and started to beat me up. Once he finished beating me, he began to forcefully take my clothes off and I started screaming and yelling for help.
"Shut up faggot!" He shoved me down on my bed only in my boxers. He took out his knife and grazed it against my stomach, cutting my skin and leaving a red trail behind. I whimpered in pain and fear. He put the knife away and bent over my stomach and started to slowly licking the blood off of it. He started to kiss my stomach slowly going upward kissing my chest, I tried shoving him off of me but he just shoved my head to the side and started kissing my neck. He lick my neck and he started to bite. Hard.
I knew that I couldn't speak so I whimpered in pain. He ignored the whimper and continued. He started to undress himself quickly and the next think I knew he was naked. I closed my eyes cause I didn't want to see his ugly body.
"Bitch open your fucking eyes! And take your boxers off or I will." I opened my eyes but I didn't take my boxers off. Wrong move.
"Fucking faggot you're gonna get punished for not listening!" He punched my eye and yanked my boxers off. He yanked me off the bed and made me stand up.
"Now get on your knees and suck my cock!"
"No." I mumbled.
"What was that?"
"I said no!" Saying that earned me another punch in the eye.
"Do it!" He yelled and threw me on the floor. After some kicks to my ribs and torso, I did as he said. I put my mouth around his dick and started to bob my head really slowly.
"Faster and suck harder!" He demanded. I started to bob my head faster and started to run my tongue over his slit. After some more sucking he came into my mouth, Just as I was about to spit out the cum...
"Swallow it fucker." Not wanting another beating I did as I as told.
"Now its time for your punishment." He said with an evil gleam in his eye. He made me get on my bed on my knees, my head facing the headboard. He made me stretch out my arms and tied them with rope to the headboard, me with my ass in the air.
"Now I want you to moan my my name like the dirty whore that you are." He then positioned himself outside of me and shoved into me dry. I screamed out in pain and tried to untie my hands. He continued to thrust into me until he reached his climax and orgasmed still in me. I couldn't hear anything but my screams. After that I just remember him untying me and leaving me there alone, broken, beaten, and bleeding. I cried myself to sleep that night
xxxEND OF FLASHBACKxxx
I felt tears slide down my cheeks, I still can't believe I lived through that for eight years. Yeah, Eight-Fucking-YEARS! I also remember the day that I grew tired of being abused and I stepped up and called the cops. I told them that my dad was still at work and they asked me what time he usually got home, I told them at eight-thirty they told me to act normally and that they'll come inside when they heard me scream. I did exactly what I was told and I was saved that day...
xxxFLASHBACKxxx (A/N: Sorry another flashback lol!)
I looked at the clock and it read eight-twenty nine. I looked at the door and my dad came in, Back at the clock eight-thirty. He was right on time.
"Fucka! Cum over'ere I wanna fuck ya!" Hearing that he was drunk and knowing he was more violent when he was drunk, Without saying a word I walked over to where he stood. He yank my hair and forced me into a sick, slobbery kiss. He started to suck on my neck to leave an other hickey to the collection. After that he got undressed and he yet again forced me to get naked, without any preparation or even any warning he quickly shoved into me and I screamed out in pain and I knew that the cops must of heard me cause the next I thing I knew I heard was the cops knocking on the front door.
"Open up and let the boy go, It's the police!" Acting as if he didn't hear, he ignored them and continued to thrust into me quickly and painfully. Knowing that he wasn't going to open the door the cops busted the door open.
"Sir, we demand that you let that young man go. Or else we will have no choice but to shoot you." He continued to ignore them believing that they were bluffing, it wasn't until a dark haired cop got impatient and just shot his leg. He yelled out in pain but still didn't stop him thrusting. Feeling completely humiliated that the cops had to see this I felt a lump in my throat letting me know that I might burst into tears any second. I suddenly had my eyes shut hoping that I would just disappear. After what seemed multiple hours of arguing, I finally heard a gun shot and my father's body got limp. I the opened my eyes to see my father dead on the floor.
"Come over here, son. You're okay now." said a kind looking cop with a mustache. The cops took out a blanket and wrapped me in it they took me to the police station.
xxxEND OF FLASHBACKxxx
When they took me to the police station it was there that I met Dr. Matthews. He became my therapist, I went to therapy for six months to get over my fear of men and parks. I soon got over all my problems and was basically a normal person. I still to this day talk to Dr. Matthews, he's a good friend.
After crying a bit more, I finally recollected myself and put all the things I found and put it away. I got up of the floor and headed towards the door of the attic. Before I left the room I glanced one last time at the boxes and then closed the door behind me. I headed down the stairs and I look at the time it read 4:55. In five minutes my husband will step through the front door. I turned on the t.v. and watched it, waiting five minutes. I didn't even bother watching the clock because he's always on time. I heard the click of the of the lock unlock and then heard the front door open.
"Hey Frankie!" my husband exclaimed enthusiastically, Sitting down in the couch wrapping his arms around me.
Wow! Yes Frank's husband IS Gerard! So that makes this a Frerard!!! Haha did you guys see this coming? Was it good? Bad? Tell me what you think! The poem is MINE so don't steal it!
July 7, 2012 edit: Sorry to people who wanted an extra chapter I had forgotten about it, and I don't think I will post another chapter, sorry. Oh and sorry for grammar errors, I'm too lazy to fix them XD