Frank leaves the band, leaves his friends..leaves the love of his life. Gerard finds the heartbreaking note he left behind...
It was cold out that night; the air was icy and cut right through those silly enough to venture outside at such a late hour. A thin sliver of the silvery moon was just about visible in between the thick mist and dark, rain filled clouds. Silence engulfed the sleeping, polluted town, the street lamps and light from the moon and stars barley gave off enough light to see more than a few centimetres in front of you. A usually bustling hotel that was situated just outside the heart of the town was quiet, well as quiet as hotels could ever be. All of the lights from the rooms were switched off; apart from one on a high up floor. That room was being let out to a young, dark haired man, probably in his mid to late twenties. He was hunched over a desk in one corner, busily scribbling away on a piece of plain white a4 note paper, desperately trying to come up with the right words and phrases to make his friends, and more importantly the person he loved, understand.
That man`s name was Frank Iero.
He sighed and put the badly chewed pen down, finally realising that there were no words in any language that could ever make them understand. No words would ever be capable of expressing his love, or his great sadness of his decision. But the young man knew that he had no other option. He had to leave and he had to do it tonight. He was no longer able to carry on pretending, he was sick of living a lie.
Sighing again, a more drawn out, tired sigh this time, one of defeat, he picked up the pen again and turned over the page in the simple, red note book and began to re-write what he had written, making slight changes in the wording and correcting his errors.
That would have to do…he thought, ripping the page out and smoothing it out, placing it down on the oak desk. He slowly got to his feet, and trudged over to where his plain black suitcase lay, his converse clad feet dragging on the expensive looking red carpet. Frank got hold of his suitcase and exited the room, not once looking back. He had to leave, sooner rather than later. His friends would find the note in the morning, so hopefully they would not worry or look for him.
He handed his room keys back in at the Victorian looking check in desk and walked quickly out of the grand front doors, again not glancing back at the fancy building. He didn’t trust himself to, Frank knew that if he looked back over his shoulder, even for just a second, his determination would crumble and he would change his mind. If he looked back at the hotel where his friends and loved one lay sleeping, he would go back. And that was something he could not do, not now and not ever.
I hope they know this isn’t easy for me…he thinks as he turns the corner, not really sure where he was headed, just so long as it was far away. I don’t want to leave them; it hurts like hell to do this. It did, it hurt the young man so fucking much he felt like his heart had been ripped out his of chest while it was still beating. But it is for the best, he knows it as much as I do. It isn’t right to carry on this way.
Frank just hoped that Gerard would understand. He prayed, he had actually gotten down on his knees and prayed earlier, something he hadn’t done since his childhood, that he wouldn’t hate him, that he would see that it was the right thing for Frank to do, the right thing for all of them. It was one of the hardest things that Frank Iero had ever done in his short life, if not the hardest. Walking away from his friends, his band mates, his true love. But he had to do it. He had to, they deserved better, Ray did, Bob did, Mikey did and so did Gerard. Gerard deserved better.
“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing…are the same…”Frank breathed, the words he hadn’t known were in his mind came out as little more than a tired, hurt whisper.
The next morning. Gerard`s pov
“Hey, Frankie, are you up yet, me and the others are head down to get some food!” I yell at him through the solid wood door, knocking lightly on it once. I frown, that was odd. There was no reply from him. I knock again, harder this time, the noise louder.
“Hey, Frank, you awake?” he had to be, Frank was almost always up and dressed before me, he was usually the first of us up and normally would come and annoy the rest of us until we were.
I was worried now.
“Hey, Bro, Frank up yet?”
“No, he isn’t answering me,” I inform Mikey, biting on my bottom lip, a nervous habit I had picked up from Frank.
“that’s odd, maybe he`s already downstairs eating.”
“Yeah, he probably is,” I plaster on a fake smile and follow him along the hall and into the lift. It didn’t add up though. Frank wouldn’t have gone down without at least letting me know.
“Hey, guys, we`re leaving in about an hour so. Gee, you`d better go wake Frank up, otherwise he won’t be ready in time,” Ray tells me as we both take a seat at the table in the pleasant looking dining room.
“I thought he was down here, he isn’t answering the door in his room,”
Ray and Bob look worried, just like I felt, but they quickly try to hide it.
“Well he was probably in the bathroom or something, or he was listening to his iPod, you know what he`s like.” Bob tries to reassure me, but he fails miserably.
I hurriedly eat a few bites of buttered toast and rush back upstairs praying that Frank was there.
“Frankie, I ain`t joking now, let me in!” I yell, attracting some strange, dirty looks from a few other hotel guests, but right now I just didn’t give a damn about what they thought.
“I`ll break the door down and then you`ll have to pay for it.” I threaten but still receive no reply.
“Excuse me, are you looking for the man staying in room 1013?” a young blonde girl asks me timidly. Judging by her outfit, I could tell she was some kind of maid that the hotel employed.
“Yes, my best friend, he isn’t opening the door.” I say, stating the obvious.
“Oh, well I don`t see how he can sir, he left in the early hours of this morning, he seemed very upset about something, I think he was even crying a little.”
Frankie was…gone? He had left me- I mean left the band?
“Didn’t he tell you?”
I shake my head.
“Well, is the lazy bastard up yet?” Mikey asks me, just getting out of the lifts, a slight teasing grin on his lips.
When he sees my face his face falls. “What?”
“He-he`s gone, Mikes, Frank`s left us.” Left the band, left his friends, left…me.
“E-excuse me?” I walk over to the maid, who had began to walk off down the long corridor.
“Do you think we could look inside the room, it`s just I lent him something the other day and I was just wondering if he might have left it in the room.”
She shrugs. “I don’t see why not, I’ll open the door,” she pulls out one of those cards that opened all of the rooms and unlocked the door for us.
“I`m really sorry about your friend, I hope you sort things out.”
The room was empty of all of Frank`s belongings. The window was bolted shut, which was weird, Frankie hated being in a room without a window open, he said it felt “too closed in”. His bed was made, something I really couldn’t see him doing himself, and the curtains had been pulled shut, blocking out the light from outside.
“Gee, he left a note,” Mikey says, flapping a piece of paper, before handing it over to me.
“Read it then,”
Ray looks over Mikey`s shoulder, having a quick peek at the note. “It`s addressed to you, that`s why.”
Why would Frank leave a note for me and not the others?
Curious, I take the flimsy paper from my brother and begin to read what was written silently inside my head. the content of Frank`s lest message left me in tears.
As you know I`m not really good with words, that was always your thing. You can sit down with a pen and paper and script these amazing, breathtaking lyrics that capture he hearts of so many fans out there, me included. Me, I`m more of a music guy, words don’t really come easy to me, they never have. You also know that I`m not one for long goodbyes, so I`ll try to keep this as short as possible. Ha. Short and sweet, that’s me alright.
First off I just want to apologise. I`m sorry, okay? I`m sorry for leaving, especially without saying goodbye to all of you. But there is a reason behind this. If I hung around to say goodbye, I know I would not leave, because you would look at me with your beautiful hazel eyes and you would tell me, not ask me, not to go. And me being the idiotic, lovesick fool I am, I would do as you wanted, just like always.
I`m crying right now, just so you know, just in case you were wondering what those marks on the page were, why the ink had smudged in places. I know you will be fighting back tears as your reading this, your perfect hazel eyes will be glistening with salty tears you are determined will not fall, because your stronger than that. You’re stronger than I am. You always have been, Gee, and you always will be. I wish I was strong like you, I wish I was like you in so many ways, but I`m not. I’m plain old me, Frank Iero, that`s all I am.
I want to say thank you, thank you for entering my life and turning it around, thanks so much for making it worth living, thanks to all of you for that. I wish I didn’t have to leave, I hope you will believe me when I tell you it was one of, if not the hardest things I have ever done. The only thing that could possibly equal this was seeing the love of my life harming themselves with drugs and booze, seeing you slowly killing yourself while we all watched on, feeling helpless. I love you, Gerard, you know I do. And I know you still feel the same, as much as you may want to deny it, as much as you may feel ashamed, you have to admit it. You love me almost as much as I love you. But it isn’t enough, is it?
That isn’t why I`m writing this though, but it is a big part of why I’m leaving. I admit that it hurts to go around pretending there is no feelings between us anymore, when there is, it is killing me Gee. But I get it, I really do. The simple truth is Gee, I’m not good enough. You deserve so much better than me, you deserve more than what I can give you. And that is why I am leaving, I want you to be happy, I want you to get what you deserve, which is much more than what I am able to offer you.
I don’t know if she told you, but I spoke to Lyn-z the other day, lovely girl, she honestly is. So kind, and pretty and happy and creative. Like you, you have so much in common, Gee. I hope you will be very happy together, I honestly do. Stay with her, Gee, she loves you and I know you love her as well. As much as it hurts to know that you have picked her over me, I honestly want you to be happy. I understand, I really do. she can give you everything I can’t, she can give you a family, a long, happy marriage and people won`t look at you funny when your waking down the street hand in hand like they did with us.
Gee, tell the others I will miss them, that I already miss them. But I have to go, I can`t stay any longer. I wish all of you the very best in life, I`m just sorry I will not be around to witness it. As for me leaving the band, you can tell the fans whatever you wish. Tell them the truth if you want, that I`m a pathetic, hopeless, loser who is head over heels in love still, that is too weak to get a grip and move on. But you’ll find someone better than me, a more skilled guitarist, I know you will. And tell Ray that he`s simply amazing, his talents far outweigh mine.
I love you Gerard Way, I hope you have an amazing life with Lyn-z, but I just want you to know that I still do, truly love you with all my heart and I`ll never stop loving you, not ever. But I know it`s over, it has been for a long while now, to be honest it never even started, did it? All those months and years I longed to, wished to call you mine, you never were, not really. And I was never yours. So you would think that I couldn`t say “I lost you” but it sure does feel like I have. Fuck that, I know I have.
Tell Mikey that he`s lucky to have you as a brother, tell Bob he`s a kickass drummer, and don’t forget what I said about Ray. I`m sorry, please if you could find it in your heart not to hate me for this, I would really appreciate it.
Goodbye, my demolition lover. I`ll never forget you or stop loving you. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life.
Hey, me again. So just wondering if I should carry on with this or not? I only intended for it to be a oneshot, but if people are interested/want me to write more, I would seriously consider doing so. I already have a few ideas. So if you think I should make this into a chaptered story, could you please be amazing and let me know? xoxodakota