as a recovering self harmer myself, I am here if anyone wants to talk or anything. Or even if this doesn`t bother you,I`m still hear to talk if you are going through hard times or simply just want to talk.
The window was open, so it made my job a hell of a lot easier. I creep out of it silently, not too difficult considering that Gerard was the only one who could see or hear me and he was sleeping peacefully. Well, he was supposed to be the only one anyway. The pretty teenager from the hospital comes to mind, the image of her sitting there, her arms and left led bandaged up tightly, her black hair laying messily around her face and her piercing eyes staring deeply into mine. She could see me. And she had been able to hear me as well. In fact, the girl, Lacie, had even had a conversation with me, something that was supposed to be impossible to anyone apart from Gerard, the human I was guarding.
“Keep it together Frank,” I mutter to myself, landing gracefully on the solid ground outside Gerard`s bedroom window, thankful that I was dead and unable to feel pain, well, minor pain at least. I actually didn’t know how badly I had to be hurt to be able to feel pain, but the archangel had informed me that despite being dead, we angels could feel some pain, however he didn`t go into too many details.
I walk down the pathway that ran right through the centre of the Way`s front garden. Lots of different species of plants and flowers grew there, not a single weed was in sight. They probably didn’t dare to grow here, fearing the weed killer that would surly find it and destroy it.
I glance to my right and then my left, observing the dark street, searching for any people, no longer sure if I would be invisible to them, not too sure where to go from here. On the other side of the road to me an old woman is walking her dog, a yappy little Yorkshire Terrier that seems to think that every lamp post or tree it came across needed to be inspected and pissed on in most cases. The old woman, who had silvery hair tied back in a tight bun and dressed in an old fashioned raincoat, despite it not raining, crosses over and I freeze, deathly terrified that I had been spotted. She leisurely strolls past me, thankfully I had been unnoticed, just like I should have been. Her dog however, does pause for a split second, sniffing at my foot, pulling away in disgust before following its owner down the path and far away from me.
After a few minutes I begin walking again, after I was sure there was no one else about, not paying much attention to where i was headed, just letting my feet take me wherever. The rest of my walk was rather boring, but I met no other people, something that I was extremely grateful for. I pass by lots of houses, most quite plain and old looking, but some had pretty flowers growing in the garden, even some of the slightly newer flats had boxes outside growing them in. as I walk the light dims, son the sky is a pitch black, the faint glow of the stars and the dull streetlamps giving just enough light to see by. I may be dead, but I dint have super night vision or anything like that. In fact, the few powers I had, like mind reading, only worked on Gerard. Guardian angel`s powers, magic, gifts, whatever the fuck you wanted to call it, only could work on the person they were sworn to protect, well that was how it was supposed to be anyway. Just like only he was supposed to be able to see and hear me. I wasn’t so sure anymore, hell, I wasn’t sure of anything.
I had to have been walking for about an hour or more when I finally recognised where I was, shocked that my feet had brought me here, yet wondering if I had subconsciously planned to visit here all along.
The house in front of me was painted a snowy white colour, the bricks themselves much older than was, seeing as the house was easily much older than forty, possibly even fifty years old. the windows were dressed with pale pink, lacy curtains, that were currently drawn, but when opened I knew they would show a neat, possibly too neat living room, an old, Victorian style oak table the centrepiece in it. The garden was small but well tended, but if you looked closely you could see the scattered remains of what once would have been a football, and the small dent in the blue shed nearer the back of the garden.
I knew this house, I knew the family who lived here well. I had spent many happy days here, basking in the sunshine with Francesca, or Frankie as she preferred to be called, much to the dismay of hr strict, but caring parents. I smile, unable to help myself as many joyful memories spring to mind, I knew that I had missed her, but I never knew that I missed her this much. Frankie was my girlfriend and had been since I was fourteen and she was thirteen and she had been up until the day I had died, trying to protect her. right now, standing here outside her house, knowing that she was only a few metres away from me, it hurt like hell. My heat felt as though it had been ripped mercilessly from my chest, it hurt to know that I would never see her smile at me again or hear her childlike laugh or run my hands through her soft, black and red hair one last time. She had probably long moved on with her life, long forgotten me, but I hadn’t. I couldn`t. how could I forget someone who had saved me, turned around my life and given me so much to be thankful for and remember? She was the first person I had ever truly loved, and there would always be a huge part of my heart that belonged to her and only her, even in death.
Francesca (Frankie`s) pov.
Tears spill from my hazel eyes, staining my cheeks, just like the crimson spilling form the cuts on my arms would stain and ruin my sheets. I felt so stupid doing this after so long, everyone had been complimenting me, remarking on how I had been doing so well telling me that I was so much better than I had been a year ago. But I wasn’t really, although it had been a year now, a whole year since my Frank died, it still hurt just s much as the first hellish day I had to spend without him. My mars hurt as I run the blade over the pale skin, breaking it easily. It hurt, but nowhere near as much as my heart did. I felt so weak giving in after so long, I felt so ashamed, but I couldn’t help it. Frank had made me promise to stop, and I had for a while, but it couldn’t last. I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t strong at all, not without him. Stupid, I know, letting my feelings for him control me, make me do this, but I just couldn’t help it, on that day that he died, a piece of em was lost as well.
The blade slips and I accidently u a little deeper than I had meant to, the crimson, coppery scented liquid begins to flow more freely, more heavily. I hiss in pain a second after, not realising the extent of the damage at first. I press tissues to the wound, holding them tightly, hoping that the bleeding would soon stop, to frightened by the huge amount of blood pouring out, too shocked at what I had done to call for help. Mum and dad wouldn`t understand anyway.
Despite my best efforts, the blood continues to gush out, I already felt a little lightheaded.
“Frankie!” I smile, it almost as though my body knew this was it, that it was all over, it has decided to replay the sound of Frank calling my name, as though it knew it was the last sound want to hear.
A silvery light appears in front of me, a blurred form that possibly could have been human stoops down and picks me up. I wasn’t frightened, I probably should have been, but I wasn’t .I could tell that this form, this being was friendly, whatever it was.
Heal…heal…don’t do this to me, don`t give up. Remember, Frankie. Don`t do this…please. A familiar voice whispers in my ear, and I black out.