Hey guys!! I'm working on a book now and would like to publish it some time later in the future. I will be posting up chapters of my story one by one. Please feel free to review and comment.
(#) EggplantWitch 2012-02-20 01:51:03 PMI'm as new to this site as you are, but your review page looked a little empty so I decided to fill it.
Like me, you seem to be a little uncertain on your grammar when it comes to dialouge so I'll give you examples and explain:
'"Well," The cloaked figure spoke'. You don't need the capital T there because all of that example is just one sentence-you don't have random capital letters in the middle of a sentence, do you? Likewise, here:
'"...you knew that." growled the Lord" you have that problem in reverse! Kinda. When 'a character said' or something similar comes after a line of dialouge, it must end in a comma because the 'character said' part is part of the sentence. I will now end my nitpicking because I feel that I buthcered explaining that horribly. Now for the good stuff!
All in all this was a good first chapter. I liked the way you wrote the action, very much. It flowed nicely together and you didn't over-describe it so I could imagine it easily in my head. I could almost feel the shove of the cloaked figure as he sucked out the life of that one guard. Also, and there's really no word to describe it, I want to know what happens next. You've left us with plenty of questions but not so many that we're confused. You'd better start answering some next chapter ;)
Oh, one last thing: Contrary to what you might have been taught at school, there is nothing wrong with the word 'said'. That is all.
Author's responseLol this review is a shocker!!! I thought the site had closed down. Any ways thanks for the review. But I have started something new which is a bit different from fantasy writing. You mind reviewing it if I put it up?? oh and for getting your stuff reviewed try fictionpress. It's much better.