I was confused.
Francesca’s pov (Frankie)
The darkness was not quiet or welcoming. Just black and empty. There were no bright lights either, like there was supposed to be when you died, there was no light at all. I was still perfectly aware of my body; I could still feel the sharp, stinging pain in my arms, it was worse than usual, probably as I had cut so deep. I think it had stopped bleeding by now, but I wasn`t sure. I was also aware of a hushed, terrified voice in my ear, a vaguely familiar one, a male one. I knew instantly that the owner of this voice was important to me, or had been once, I also knew that he cared deeply about me, though how I knew this I didn’t know.
“Francesca…pleases…”the voice sobs quietly. I feel a sharp pain in my chest, then after that pain had began to cease, several, less painful aches in it over and over again. I mentally frown. If I was dying why would I be able to feel pain? Surly only the living were able to do that? Who was Francesca? That name was familiar s well, I had heard it before. It takes me about a minute to realise that I was Francesca, shocking myself with the recognition.
“Frankie, don`t do this, don`t die on me, not like this. Not now.” Wet, salty drops fall against my right cheek, the invisible person with me was crying. He sounded like he was in great pain, I only wished I could say or do something to comfort him, but I was too weak. I had always been too weak.
I can’t tell if my eyes were open or not, due to the blackness, but if they weren’t already open, I try to open them one last time, hoping to get a glance of the person trying to save me. It made no difference. The only change was a silvery white coloured light shining a few centimetres away beside me. With each second I grew more tired, I felt the last of my energy drain away. The pain goes with it, something I was both thankful and not thankful for. True I was no longer hurting, but it meant that my body was finally giving up the pointless fight, shutting down. Going numb.
“FRANKIE! DON’T!”The light in front of me glows a bright red for a second, before cooling and changing back to its original white silver colour. It looked prettier that way, calmer, more peaceful. Three words I had never in my life used to describe a light before.
“Don`t close your eyes, Frankie, please,” the voice pleads with me, but it was useless. I was going to close my eyes and that was that. I had wanted to die for a long time now, ever since my darling Frank had left me. Ever since that day my life had felt so cold, so barren…so pointless. Like all of the light had gone from it, like all of the colour and excitement had just disappeared of the face of the earth. And defiantly all of the fun and laughter.
I knew that he wouldn`t have wanted me to feel that way, and that he wouldn’t want me to be dying now, like him, so young having not truly lived, but I had no control over it. I had been silly and I had made a mistake. I wonder if my death would be classed as a suicide, after all I had cut myself and bled to death although it hadn’t been planned.
My eyelids flutter shut and for one perfect moment I am back in Frank`s strong, warm embrace, I feel loved, accepted and treasured for the first time since his death. And for the briefest, sweetest moment i can almost feel his soft lips press against mine for the last time, before e I am taken by the darkness once more.
“Frankie,” he was sat down, perched on the edge of the bright blue covers beside me, smiling weakly down at me.
Huh? I was confused. Frank couldn`t be here in my room, or anywhere on Earth for that matter, he was dead. I shake my head in utter disbelief. Then I finally came to my senses and concluded that I had to be dead as well, it was the only solution that made sense.
“No, Frankie.” His smile widens slightly. “You are not dead.” he make some kind of snorting sound that sounded just like the old, still alive Frank, “As if I would let that happen.”
He had barely changed, though I dint really think I would have expected him to, being dead and all that. His hair was no black and red instead of being blonde, but it was the same kind of style. He was dressed in a pair of grey skinnies and the old band shirt-a Green Day one-that looked exactly like the one I had given him for out last Christmas together. Maybe it was the same one, I dint know.
“Frank…Frank?” I ask timidly, my voice barely more than a hushed whisper, cracking slightly. “Is it really you?” He nods once, his small simile vanishing as he sees the salty tears beginning to form in my eyes.
“I`m so sorry, Francesca,” I narrow my eyes at the use f my full name, but seeing as it was Frank, I let it slip. This time anyway. “I only tried to protect you and I ended up hurting you so much, words cannot explain how sorry I am.” Teas well up in his perfect, chocolate eyes.
I hesitantly place a shaking arm around his shoulder, half expecting it to go right through him. To my amazement and happiness it didn’t.
“Y-you’re not a ghost, I can touch you without my hand going right through you.”
He giggles, and I am reminded of all those happy memories, warm summer nights just hanging out, basking in the golden sunlight, going to the movies, snuggling up in winter under the covers…I missed him even more than I had first thought.
“No, I`m a…I`m an angel, Frankie.”
“Oh.” I frown, I couldn’t see any wings. Perhaps they were invisible to humans.
“You probably don`t know this guy called Gerard Way, he goes to your school, well I`m his guardian angel.”
I recognise the name from somewhere; I could have sworn I had read it somewhere recently. It dawns on me, “That kid that got hit by that motorcycle, almost died. The doctors don’t have a clue how he survived, that Gerard Way?!”
He laughs again, a very hyper childlike sounding one, just like always. “Yeah, him.”
“Oh,” my pale cheeks redden slightly. “I know how stupid and pathetically needy this sounds but I kinda had hoped you might have been mine.”
It was his turn to frown. “No, I`ll always be here to protect you, just like I was tonight,” so it was Frank`s voice I had heard when I was sure I had been dying. “And just like I was in life.” I can tell it hurts him to say that, he had actually died to protect me from a gang of thugs.
“I love you Frankie,” his smile returns, but it seems more than a little forced. Didn’t he love me anymore? Had he found some angel up in heaven or wherever and preferred them to me?
“I love you too Frankie,” he sighs, “But you have to let go of me, find someone else.” He looks me directly in the eyes. “For me, please.”
I open my mouth to protest but he cuts me off. “I will always love you Francesca,” I was too upset about what was happening to bother correcting him about my name, “But you need to move on from me and find someone else, someone better than me. Someone who you can enjoy your life with. I`ll always be waiting for you, looking out for you. But you have to let go of me…and I have to try to let go of you, otherwise it will make me insane.”
“I can`t forget you Frank, how can I?!”
“I didn’t say forget, please don`t forget me, I could never forget you. But let go, move on,” he sighs deeply, running a shaking hand through his red and black hair. “Find someone else to love you, who treats you like a princess and loves you. As much as I wish it could be me, it can’t be. Not anymore.”
I nod, feeling complete and utterly heartbroken again, but I understood. Frank was dead and I was still alive. I would never able to fully understand the pain Frank felt when he told me to find someone else. I could see the pain filling his beautiful, usually happy eyes, it hurt me to see.
“Goodbye Frankie,” he presses a chaste kiss to my forehead and exits my bedroom via the window. I watch him walk away, not once looking back, dragging his feet as he vanishes from view, into the darkness.